Bat Shit Crazy

The Closet

2011-07-31T18:54:00.008-04:00

My step-dad is a fearless man when it comes to projects around the house. His lack of knowledge has never stopped him from diving into a diy disaster. The best example happened when I was about twelve or so. We lived in a smallish house that had a den and on the other side of one wall, there was a living room. Both rooms were too small and of course the living room never got used for anything. It basically just stored furniture.

My Mom decided to leave one weekend to visit my Uncle George in Dallas. That night, I was sitting on the couch with my brother and sister watching TV when my Dad appears before us. "Get up and help me move the couch" he says. We move the couch away from the wall and then he tells my brother "Go get my hammer." None of us had any idea what he was thinking, but when he swung that hammer into the dry wall, my siblings and I didn't ask why. All we thought was "Hell yeah! Destruction! Mayhem! Anarchy!" We trashed the wall down to studs and wire in just a few minutes, hauled away the debris and then moved the furniture back to where it was.

Mom came home and the first thing she sees, or doesn't see, when she walks through the door is the half destroyed wall. I don't remember any arguments or anything, but Mom never left Dad alone in the house again. It turned out that the wall was load bearing and Dad couldn't figure out how to remove the frame without the house falling in on us. Eventually, a neighbor that was a home builder came over and helped him out. So now we had one big room where there used to be two small ones, but the parents couldn't afford new carpet for almost a year, leaving the room with green shag on one side and orange shag on the other (it was the early 80's).

Why do I bring this up? Kitten and I had two small closets off of the master bedroom. One was a linen closet and behind it was a walk in closet with a pocket door. It looked liked this.The wall at the front of the picture had some bead board crap on it that I pulled off to find the remnants of wall paper. To the right is the linen closet and through the door way(which had a pocket door in the wall) was the walk in closet that had cedar on the back and front of it with a light fixture over the door way. It sort of came up in discussion that we would be better off with one big open closet and we could put wardrobes in it. I was dubious, but the conversation kept coming back to how nice it would be, so in the end I committed to it.

First I climbed into the attic to make sure nothing important was being supported by the wall. I wasn't gonna make the same mistake my Dad made! I then ripped out the linen closet and tore down the wall.I cleared all of the cedar out. Eliminated a light switch, removed a light in the linen closet and then wired the switch on the wall in the bedroom to the new junction box I put in over head. The jack wagon that put up the cedar not only nailed it to the wall, but also GLUED it! It pulled off a lot of the paper on the dry wall, so I had to put a skim coat of joint compound on all of the walls. I then scraped the popcorn off of the ceiling and painted it, put in a new light fixture and painted the rest of the room. This is where we are now.
I still have to trim it out and I am going to put laminate down from the bedroom into the closet, but I think it turned out OK. For a closet.

Where Did The Time Go?

2011-06-19T20:06:00.005-04:00

Kitten pointed out that I haven't posted in forever. The last thing I talked about was waiting to close on the house here in Florida. Mission accomplished on that front. I got moved out of the hotel and slept on an air mattress for a week until Kitten brought my dogs down. She flew back to Indiana pretty quickly, but then came down for an entire week. When she got here, the work began. We didn't like any of the colors in the house. They were mostly pale blues and funky yellows. The ceilings were nice and dingy too, so we immediately went and spent $700 on paint and a light fixture. The next day, we began painting. I've never painted one of those crappy 70s popcorn ceilings before and I immediately found a reason to hate them. The popcorn came right off on the roller. Now we were faced with either buying some kind of sprayer system to paint the ceiling or take down the popcorn. Kitten hates the way it looks anyway, so we stopped the entire painting process to take the popcorn down. You basically spray a little water on it and then scrape it and it quickly comes down. All over everything. We had planned to paint most of the house before the furniture got there the following Saturday, now we were in "Paint what's necessary" mode.

The long and the short of it is that I've been spending all of my free time working on the house since we bought it on May 12. First, the dining room was painted.Then I painted the living room and replaced the overhead light fixture.

The following Saturday, the moving truck arrived and those sons of bitches unloaded everything we own in less than four hours! During the move, it was discovered that somehow, we had busted all of the wooded cross rails on the bed. I would like to think it was my jackhammer ass that did it and Kitten is allowing me to believe it. So off to IKEA. Kitten refers to it as her Disney World. We bought a new bed frame, a cabinet/bar thing, a lamp and a sofa table. I have know idea how we got all of that into the FJ cruiser.

So we moved to the bedroom. We scraped the popcorn, painted the ceiling and walls and then I put together the new bed. Later, Kitten sent me the ceiling fan and I installed it.

Next I painted the foyer. That was the easiest thing I've done. Of course today, the deadbolt on the front door stopped working. You put the key in and it just turns. I've never had that happen before. At this point, I was getting tired of letting the dogs out of the back door and then having to walk to the back of the pool cage to let them out a second door. Since Daisy ran through one of the screens chasing a lizard or something, I decided to build a dog door on one side of that frame and then replace the screen on the other. I didn't really build the door, I bought that at Lowe's, but I had to build a frame from aluminum to match the cage frame so I'd have someplace to mount the door. That took a whole Saturday, but I'm pleased with the result.Next was the master bath. It was painted a horrible shit green. I just couldn't take it anymore.It still looks kinda green in the picture, but actually it's more of a grey now.
I've done some other things. Kittens step mom pointed out that really, the fridge door opened the wrong way. I wouldn't have ever noticed it, but after she pointed it out, it bugged me to no end. So I reversed the door. The kitchen needs a ton of work, but I think we are gonna save that for the very last and spend some real money on it.The den has painted over paneling. The plan is to pull that down and hang drywall. Of course the popcorn ceiling has to come down. The mantle over the fireplace is not only ugly, but it's also upside down. I did put together the sofa table (from IKEA) behind the couch.We also bought this cabinet thing from IKEA. We liked it for a bar.What's left after that is the two back bedrooms, hallway and bathroom. Lord.

Today I pulled out all of the old landscape timbers and trimmed the bushes back in preperation for the fence guys. The dogs get their new fence this week. All and all, I'm very happy here. I miss Kitten. I didn't realize how lonely I would get without her, but I know that she feels the same way and is doing everything she can to get down here.

Anybody got a free weekend they want to spend painting and renovating?

Living In The Sunshine State

2011-05-06T18:13:00.002-04:00

I left Indiana on the 26th of April. It was cold and rainy. In fact, it was cold and rainy for the next eight or so hours, until I had reached south Georgia. Soon after passing through Atlanta, I could track my progress by watching the thermometer on my truck. The temperature slowly rose until it reached 85 degrees and I reached Tampa.

I've been here over a week now. I love the weather and the sunshine. I've started my new job and it shows promise. I'm stuck in a hotel for now. It's equal parts boring and lonely. I talk to Kitten on the phone regularly, but it isn't the same. I have gone out some. To a baseball game, to bars to watch hockey, and sometimes out to eat, but I'm trying to limit myself a bit because of money. We close on the house on Thursday (fingers crossed) and Kitten will be down the next day with the dogs. I need it. I need to see her. I think life will be radically different down here. In a good way. Maybe it's just the sunshine, but things seem a bit brighter, a bit more positive. Except for the fact that right now, I have to go down the hallway to do my laundry.

I May Have A Home

2011-04-19T11:58:00.003-04:00

I haven't blogged much lately. Mostly because what has been going on here has centered around house hunting. After the last fiasco, I felt like I might have jinxed us by talking to much about it, but we've reached a point where I think we are ok. Welcome to our new back yard. The weekend after my birthday, which was fantastic (see Kitten's blog for details), we traveled back to Florida for some serious house hunting. After looking at about 12 or 13 properties, we settled on our top five and offered on the one at the top of the list. We were told that other parties were gonna make an offer, so make sure that ours was the best that we could do. They accepted our offer, but we had been through this before so we insisted that the appraisal was to be done before we spent any money on financing or inspection. The appraisal finally came back yesterday 25 grand less than our offer price! Florida real estate is a mess. Anyway, Kitten and I agreed that we weren't going to pay more than the appraisal so the whole shebang was bounced back to the owner. We found out today that they have accepted the new price! So now I have a job and a potential place to live. Hopefully we can close quickly so that I won't have to live in a hotel very long. Kitten closes on her house at the end of May, so we also don't want to have to move twice. All that is left now is for Kitten to get her job situation worked out and then we will be Florida residents!

Happy Birthday!

2011-03-30T10:19:00.002-04:00

When did I reach the age that I have to do the math to figure out how old I am? This Friday, I think I will be forty-three. Wow.

I didn't bring up my birthday to whine about how old I am. I wanted to tell the world how good Kitten is to me. A couple of weeks ago, I was having a bad day at work and she said "would it help if I told you what I'm getting you for your birthday?" I hemmed and hawed. I didn't want to spoil anything. She said she had been dying to tell me and I know what that feels like so I said "Ok."

Saturday, she is driving me to Smashville to see the Preds play the Redwings! I love me a Nashville/Detroit hockey game. I immediately got excited and started asking about tickets. She put the brakes on my enthusiasm. "Wait, there is more!" Sunday, she is flying me from Nashville to St. Louis to see the Cards play San Diego! I swear that girl knows me. I couldn't ask for a better birthday. I did make her promise that while in St. Louis we would go to Charlie Gitto's downtown for some Italian eats. I can't wait for this weekend.

Florida Bound

2011-03-29T10:42:00.002-04:00

I accepted a job yesterday. Looks like I'm headed to Florida around the last week of April. The new position is offering a $3000 relocation bonus, so that gives me a little cash to help find a place to live. The picture above is a house we are interested in seeing, but it's price ridiculously low so I'm betting it's another case of Chinese drywall.

If You Want To Know

2011-03-26T08:45:00.002-04:00

It's quite possible that I should update this thing more often. I have stories to tell and updates on my crazy world, but right now, laziness trumps the need to express.

We flew back into town yesterday after spending most of the week in Florida. It was quite a shock going from eighty degrees and sunny to forty degrees with a chance of snow. I'm not sure how much we accomplished. I had an interview and a site visit and we did a lot of house hunting.

The job hunt is sort of going well. I have a firm offer from one hospital, but it's nowhere near where we want to live. I don't think I'm going to take that one, but it's good to have the offer in your pocket when negotiating other offers. The interview at the second hospital went well. I got a phone call a couple of days later saying that they were definitely going to make me an offer, but I haven't heard back yet. The job is much closer to the gulf coast and seems to be a lot less stressful. On the negative side, it's a Monday through Friday job. I was hoping for three twelves. I have submitted my resume to a couple of other places but haven't heard anything.

With the job situation in hand, the next issue is to find a place to live. Kitten accepted an offer on her house and they are looking to close at the end of May so there is some urgency to the problem. We spent three whole days looking all over the bay area without any results. We did find one gorgeous house. Huge lot, enormous common rooms, four bedrooms three baths, lake front and just at the upper edge of our budget. We were so excited, we called Kitten's Dad and told him we would make an offer without even looking at the rest of the house. He called back pretty quick and told us the house had been built with "Chinese drywall." Huh? Turns out that between 2001 and 2007, there was a shortage of drywall and a significant amount was important from China. This imported drywall has a very high sulfur content and when exposed to heat and humidity, typical Florida conditions, it emits sulfur gasses that not only smell bad but can combine with moisture to form sulfuric acid. Putting the health problems aside, the stuff basically eats copper and silver. In short, all of the wiring, appliances, HVAC and mirrors need to be replaced and if you don't replace the drywall, the same thing will happen again. We were told that the cost of all of this for the house in question had already been estimated at over a hundred thousand dollars. So a house that was barely in our reach becomes financially impossible. I'd curse China, but not everything that is Chinese is caustic and a danger to your health (right Cindy?).

Everything else we looked at either didn't sing to us, or just wasn't worth what they were asking. The hunt continues.

Allrighty Then

2011-03-13T08:55:00.003-04:00

I just couldn't take it any more and Kitten told me to quit, so I did. I put it my two week notice last weekend. If you do the math, that leaves one week to go. My plan? Well, I went ahead and sent my resume to a couple of hospitals late Sunday night. I figured since we will already be in Florida at the end of the month, might as well interview.

Both hospitals called me on Monday. Hospital one, on the East side of Tampa, wanted to do a phone interview. Since I had the day off on Monday, we set it up for that afternoon. Hospital two, on the West side of Tampa bay (15 minutes from the beach!), called me and asked a few questions, mostly about my relocation time line, salary expectations, and where I would be living.

I had the phone interview with hospital one that afternoon. It was very relaxed, more like a chat than an actual interview. I liked the director and while the job sounded like a challenge because they are suffering from growing pains, I would probably be a good fit. We finished up, but she didn't really give me any idea on whether or not I was a candidate.

Wednesday rolls around and hospital two called me back to set up a face to face interview. I told her that I'd be in town the third week in March, she gave me a time and I'm all set. I was feeling pretty good about the process. I applied for two jobs and got two interviews. Much better than my experience with the last job hunt.

Then I get a call on Thursday. I had to work, so I played phone tag with hospital one's recruiter all day. I guessed that they wanted to set up a face to face interview as well, but when I finally talked to the recruiter, she offered me a job! They wanted me to start April 4! As tempted as I was to accept, I told her that I had another interview at hospital two and hadn't even met anyone from hospital one or seen the facility. She said that we could set up a site visit for the week that I was in town, but that would mean I probably wouldn't start until May. I was much more comfortable with that timeline.

So, next week, I go to Florida with one job in hand and an interview for another. Kitten and I agree that if all things were equal, we would prefer hospital two. We shall see. We are going to do some house hunting that week, see her Dad and hopefully squeeze in some beach time. Right now the plan is for me to go down and work if I accept a job. I'd find some temporary place to live until we settled on something more permanent. I can feel the sand between my toes already!

Well Damn

2011-03-03T11:34:00.002-05:00

Double dog damn. It's been a couple of weeks since I last posted. We were all set to close March 21st. We had the inspections done, the owner had done the repairs the we asked him to do, insurance was settled, all we had to do was have the mortgage company we were going to use send an appraiser out to the house.

The long and the short is that the appraisal came in at $40,000 less than our offer and $80,000 less that the original asking price last June. The sellers realtor tried to get the appraiser to increase the value based on research she had done, but with the market in Florida like it is, the banks are wary and the appraisers have gotten a lot more honest. I remember a time when you could tell them what you wanted to borrow and they would make sure the house appraised at that value. No more.

So, the buyer came back and wanted to pay for their own appraisal. Kitten and I agreed that shopping for an appraisal sounded like a bad money decision, so we are gonna let this house go. I really like the house, but not enough to screw up my finances for the next ten years. Mostly I'm disappointed because I was ready to move to Florida.

We are going to go back down in a few weeks and look some more. I think we at least have a better idea of property value down there now and hopefully won't waste several hundred dollars on inspections and such.

I miss Florida and I never even got to move down there.

The Waiting Is The Hardest Part

2011-02-11T14:39:00.002-05:00

The last couple of weeks have been a blur of insurance questions, mortgage applications, and redecoration discussions. The house has been inspected and was found deficient in a few areas, primarily in the electrical. The owner has agreed to repair everything we asked.

This is pretty important for insurance reasons. It's hard to insure a house in Florida because of the hurricanes and while technically we won't be in a flood plain, but we will be living two hundred yards from the river, so I believe that flood insurance is a must. The insurance company won't cover until the house passes a four point inspection (roof, plumbing, electrical, and ....I forget the other). So, we have to wait on repairs because the owner insisted that we have insurance lined up before we set a closing date.

So that's where we are. Waiting for some nit picky things to get done before we can set a closing date and every day my damn iphone tells me how warm and nice it is in Tampa.

On a positive note, I was able to put the money for the down payment together without too much trouble. The mortgage shouldn't be a problem even though Kitten hasn't sold her house yet and there seem to be plenty of jobs available in the area. As soon as my license comes through, I'll start applying. If we are lucky, Kitten's house will sell in a timely manner, we will close quickly, I'll find a new job without much trouble and by the time baseball season is in full swing, I'll be soaking up Florida rays! (Did I mention that the St. Louis Cardinals will play in Tampa Fourth of July weekend? Bonus!)

Whoah!

2011-01-19T18:58:00.005-05:00

If you got here from Kitten's blog, then you know what's afoot. The short story is that we flew down to Tampa for the weekend just to get away and scope out some neighborhoods. In the process, we found a house. Kitten and I didn't really say to much about it, but it kept coming up in conversation. Finally, I asked her "Are we excited because we just spent time in Florida? Or are we excited about the house?" We decided we were excited about the house! So what do we do? We decided to make an offer.

The house doesn't look like much from the front really. Your eye is drawn to the huge live oak with the Spanish moss on it. When you walk inside, it turns out that the Brady Bunch must have lived here at one time! It's very 70s, but very cool. No shag carpet. It has terrazzo floors.I don't really know the correct descriptive terms for it. I'm decorating deficient. The entry was quite cool too.There is much more to the house and we are very excited about it. Of course, there is the little matter of the house being in another state. Kitten is listing her house, checking on new jobs, and trying to figure out what to do with her offspring. If we are lucky, we will soon be Florida residents.

A Shocking Development

2011-01-09T09:13:00.003-05:00

I didn't sleep much last night. Part of the problem was because I took a nap yesterday, but a home emergency and my stupidity played a large part in it too.

Kitten and I were in bed. She had been sawing logs for an hour. When she goes to bed and turns on the TV, she falls asleep almost before her head hits the pillow. I, on the other hand, was wide awake. About one a.m., I decided to go get my laptop out of the kitchen. I walked back there and heard the sound of running water. It was very faint and I figured one of the kids left the water running in the half bath in the laundry room, but when I walked to the bathroom, nothing. So I tried to track down the source and found water on the floor behind the stackable washer and dryer. I could hear the water hissing, but couldn't find the source. Since it seemed to be dripping off of the cold water line to the washer, I decided to just shut off the cold water faucet and deal with it in the morning.

So......I stuck my hand behind the washer and grabbed the faucet and BZZZT! I felt a mild shock go through my hand. I must have been sleepier than I thought because my brain told me "That didn't really happen, it was just your imagination. It doesn't make sense for a water faucet to shock you." Like a long lost episode of The Three Stooges, I stuck my hand back in there. KAPOW! This time it shocked me so hard that I felt it in my shoulder and it caused my hand and arm to convulse backward cutting the top of my hand.

By this time I was cussing like Yosemite Sam and went and woke Kitten up. We decided to shut all of the power off and then turn off the faucet. Sounds simple doesn't it? We couldn't really located the circuit breaker to just the dryer, so we shut down the whole house. Now all that remains is turning off the faucet, right? My brain was telling me everything was cool now, but my arm and hand were yelling "You have lost your fucking mind if you think I'm going back in there!" I haven't had a body part argue with me like that since the Bat vs. Penis fat girl debate in college. I finally screwed up the courage to grab the faucet and turn off the water. Whew.

We turned the power back on and I told Kitten to dry the load of clothes in the washer so I could move stuff around in the morning. A couple of minutes later she calls me back in the laundry room and asks me if I hear a buzzing sound. I listen for a while and tell her no, all I hear is the dryer running. Satisfied, we turn off the lights and begin to exit the laundry room when I hear it and I just happen to be in a position to see behind the washer. There was a big electrical arc between the dryer vent hose and the washer's metal braided inlet hose. Uh oh. So we took time to find the circuit breaker for the dryer and turned it off.

I got up this morning and disconnected the washer hose. It looks like part of the metal was melted and that cause the hose to leak. I can fix that of course, but I told Kitten she needs to call an electrician. Obviously, electricity and I don't mix well. And my penis keeps saying "maybe next time you will listen when one of us tries to tell you something."

Jealousy

2011-01-07T07:22:00.006-05:00

I was going to start this post with the sentence "An old friend of mine", but then my brain went on a tangent. I'm hesitant to call Dick a friend. The fault lies with me, not him. I've never done anything to encourage a friendship, but he was a friend of a friend and tolerated me, so if asked, the only label I can provide is friend.

Dick has become a writer. The last time I really talked to him, I had wandered into a tobacco shop he had bought in Memphis. I remember thinking at the time, "You done good Dick, you done good." He had his own business selling a product that practically sells it's self. The shop was in an up and coming area of downtown and had that feel of a place where people go to shoot the breeze after they've bought their weekly supply of cigars. Not like the discount tobacco joints you see on every corner now with a tired looking clerk sitting behind bullet proof glass pushing bongs and kid friendly flavored smokes along with the cigarettes sold at the "cheapest prices allowed by law." It was more of a place that withered old men would sit and smoke and talk about the folly of planting cotton to often on the same plot.

That was easily over fifteen years ago. I haven't spoken with him since, but Facebook being what it is, I've been able to keep up with him a bit over the last couple of years. Dick reached out to me when my Mom passed and for that I'm thankful.

So, why the title "Jealousy?" As I said before, Dick has become a writer. As best as I can piece together, at some point he dabbled in blogging, got picked up to write a bi-weekly column for the major newspaper in our hometown, got out of the cancer business and recently wrote a short story that was not only published in a magazine, but won a contest for fiction. Dick seems to have found his calling in life and is enjoying what he does. That leaves me jealous on two fronts.

My profession is ok. I'm fond of saying that few people are able to make a living at doing what they love. Most people work because there is a paycheck at the end of the week. If pressed, few would tell you that they would continue to do what they do if they didn't get paid for it. I'm jealous, 'cause Dick is working at a job that I bet he would continue to do even if the lottery fairy dropped an obscene amount of cash in his lap.

I'm jealous in a more profound way of Dick's ability. My Mom was very artistic visually. She could draw, paint, and decorate. You could hand her the hairball coughed up by an alley cat and she was able to make it look better. My brother is artistic acoustically. He has an affinity for music, mostly the guitar. Not that he is Eddie Van Halen or anything, but music comes very easily for him.

As for me, I can't draw a straight line. With some concentration, I can play "Hot Crossed Buns" on the recorder (what is a hot crossed bun?). I always wanted to be able to write.

I've tried. I get bored with the process very quickly. I think good writers are able to immerse themselves in their own writing. I can fall into a story when reading a book, but I can't seem to get involved with my own writing. So after a couple of starts and stops, I gave up on it, realizing that I'm more suited to a critic's role than that of an artist. I am one of those poor souls that can label something as terrible, but can't produce anything better. And that leaves me jealous of Dick and his ability. Kudos to you Dick. You done good.

You can read Dick's story here.

Busy

2010-12-19T14:46:00.003-05:00

Christmas is always a hectic time of year. Traffic is bad, going to get a gallon of milk is an all day affair. Work is hit and miss. Either it's very slow or slam busy. On top of that, I worry about the gifts I bought. I really like getting people things they want or use. Of course Kitten is my primary recipient this year and I hope I make her happy. I tried to listen over the last couple of months and remember the things that she mentioned. I really don't care for Christmas much, but I love to give people things that make them happy.

Christmas is a little rougher than usual this year because Mom is gone. It was her favorite time of year and she used to love her Christmas tree. It would hurt your eyes just to look at it. She had a ton of motorized ornaments. Santa fishing, Santa in a hot air balloon, a bunch of elves banging on bells playing Christmas music. My best memories of Christmas and my Mom come from going to get a live Christmas tree. It was always a pain in the ass when I was little, but now I remember wondering the lot with Mom, looking for the perfect tree. The smell of pine, the cold chill in the air. Dad was always there, grumbling like he didn't like fooling with it, but he would put on his old work gloves and pull out tree after tree and turn them so Mom could make sure all sides were perfect. We'd bring the tree home and Mom would spend hours making it just so. I miss Mom now more than ever even though it's been twenty years since she had a live tree and at least ten since we really shared a Christmas together.

Merry Christmas Mom.

Happy Hanukkah

2010-12-03T08:02:00.005-05:00

I've had very few friends that were Jewish, but they have provided me a good chuckle on several occasions, usually at the expense of a ignorant redneck.

A few years back, I worked with a doctor that happened to be Jewish. A very nice guy that certainly didn't broadcast his faith or make an issue of it. My very first day on the job, another nurse pulled me aside and whispered into my ear in ominous tones "He is Jewish you know." I didn't know her from Adam, but she felt the need to try and peg this guy as something different. Her voice carried the impression that this doctor would try to eat my first born given the chance.

I very quickly learned how ignorant this girl was. Shortly after I started working there, Yom Kippur rolled around. The doctor skipped lunch with us which caused some questions. At first, I thought the inquisitiveness was healthy. She asked something that caused him to explain to us that Yom Kippur was one of the more significant holidays in the Jewish tradition and was a day of atonement observed by, among other things, fasting.

It went downhill from there. Rather than just trying to understand what he was telling us and learning about somebody different, she tried to equate everything to the Christian tradition. The first comparison came with Hanukkah and Christmas. I think her statement was "So, Hanukkah is the Jewish Christmas." A statement, not a question. His reply was "Um, no. Christmas is a celebration of the birth of your savior. Hanukkah celebrates the re dedication of a Jewish temple." I'm sure I was grinning ear to ear by now, but she wasn't finished. "Then Yom Kippur is the Jewish Easter." Again, a statement, not a question. I think I laughed out loud. "No, Easter is the observance of the death and resurrection of Christ. Yom Kippur is our day of atonement (I'm sure his explanation was more detailed, but I was laughing to hard to hear most of it.)." She looked a little puzzled at this, but pressed on with her line of questioning. "So when do you celebrate Jesus Christ?" At this point, I was embarrassed for her and had to leave the room while the doctor not only patiently explained Judaism to her, but then had to explain Christianity to her.

So the Jewish doctor was always a good sport. Once, we all travelled to Miami for a conference. We hadn't been there long and were eating on a boardwalk and I noticed a couple of Orthodox Jews walking along the beach. They stood out for obvious reasons. Wearing all black, beards, yarmulkes, and the small aprons at their waists. I didn't say anything at first, but then I began to notice more and more of these individuals until I realized they were everywhere. I finally turned to him and ask (because I know sometimes I'm ignorant) "I've noticed a lot of orthodox Jews on the beach. Is there a holiday or religious meeting happening?" He looked around, like he just noticed it, and turned back to me with a grin and said "Nope, the tribe just likes Miami." I almost laughed fish taco out of my nose.

The best was yet to come. The ignorant nurse had brought her boyfriend and believe it or not, I think he was more ignorant than she was. He caught wind of our conversation and decided to chime in with his intelligent comment. "I was wondering why there were so many Amish here." I was speechless, but the doctor was on his game. "Yeah, Pennsylvania to Miami is a long trip by horse and buggy."

I stifled the laugh this time, shook my head and finished my beer.

Takotsubo

2010-11-09T20:24:00.005-05:00

It's been a tough couple of weeks. Mom's memorial last Friday went as expected. There were a couple of relatives that acted like Mom was Bill Gates and wanted to know where their cut was, but for the most part everyone behaved.

Before the memorial, my sister, my brother, and I met with the cardiologist that was caring for my mother. I had some questions, primarily how did somebody with back issues end up with heart failure. Particularly when the function of her heart was fine a couple of months ago.

Mom had a heart catheterization a couple of weeks before she died. Her arteries were fairly clean. Surprising considering how heavily she smoked. However, she suffered from Takotsubo cardiomyopathy.

This condition can really only be diagnosed with a heart cath. I've seen it a couple of times before and found it fascinating. The long and the short is that the main pumping chamber of the heart contracts abnormally. The lower part of the chamber doesn't really contract at all and the upper part over contracts. This gives the chamber (the left ventricle) a unique shape. It looks like a takotsubo. A takotsubo is a pot that the Japanese use to capture octopi. Usually a transient condition, most people recover in a couple of months. Mom didn't. Her heart slowed down and the muscle couldn't recover and just stopped working.

How does one begin to suffer from this condition? That's the sad part. It's also known as "stress induced cardiomyopathy" or "broken heart syndrome." Most commonly seen in postpartum women, it's also often seen in somebody that has lost a loved one or has suffered a profound loss.

I think my Mom was so stressed by her back condition and the thought of assisted living, that it had the same effect as losing a loved one. There are theories on the pathophysiology of the condition, but the reality is that nobody knows the exact cause.

It's just sad that my Mother was so distressed that it literally killed her. I have no idea what could have been done differently, but I wish we could have done something.

Goodbye Mom

2010-10-23T09:57:00.003-04:00

I haven't posted in a couple of weeks. Mostly because my new job has been keeping me really busy, but I feel like I have to write something about my Mom. She passed away last night.

Her condition had been so up and down over the past couple of months. I didn't get to talk to her much because she was in intensive care and my sister took her phone. Just getting phone calls exhausted her. I'd talk to her a couple of minutes and she would get short of breath and her mind would wander.

This past week she had improved. They had not only moved her out of the ICU, but had transferred her back to the rehab facility. Kitten and I went to see a movie last night after work and during the movie, I felt my phone vibrate in my pocket. I didn't answer, but I had a bad feeling about it. Sure enough, when I got to the car, I saw that my sister had called. Her husband picked up the phone when I called back and told me that my Mom had passed away suddenly. I don't have a lot of details right now, my sister is understandably in shock. It seems that Mom had a pretty good day yesterday. She ate well, they got her out of bed and she even went outside for a little while. Sometime in the evening, my sister left to go home. The hospital called her fifteen minutes later and told her that my Mom's heart just quit and she passed away. I'm thankful that she had a good day. I'm also thankful that her life ended in a fairly quick manner. I know that sounds callous, but I've seen countless people endure horrible things for an extra month or two of life without quality. I envisioned several long years of illness with bouts of bed sores, pneumonia, and hospital contracted illnesses.

Sorry Mom. I did the best I could. I'm glad you aren't suffering.

Hockey Time!

2010-10-09T10:02:00.003-04:00

Helz yeah! The Nashville Predators open their season tonight against the Anaheim Ducks. Finally! Since the St. Louis Cardinals didn't even make it to the post season and the Tennessee Volunteers are struggling, I'm putting all of my sports hopes and dreams on the Preds. So much so that when I went to Vegas a few months back, I bet ten bucks that the Preds would win the Cup. At 50-1, that's a nice little pay off. It would subsidize another trip to Vegas so......Cindy, are you there? You know who to root for this season, right?

Seriously, the Preds have some exciting new young players. Weber and Suter have established themselves as an elite defensive pair and if Rinne steps up his game just a tiny bit in goal, I think they have a chance.

Lucky for me, we get FSN South here, so I will be able to watch most of the games. I have tickets to a game in November and one in February. Hopefully, this will satisfy my hockey jones.

Go Preds!!

Crap

2010-10-07T16:06:00.002-04:00

I've turned down one job at a hospital that just didn't feel right. I interviewed last week for a job, while not perfect, felt right. I was extremely qualified, the hours were right, the hospital was right, I felt like I fit in to their needs.

They filled the position internally.

The same hospital has offered me another job. It's not something that I'm interested in doing really. The work would be easy, but boring and the hours unpredictable. They want me to start Monday.

Another hospital wants to interview me on Tuesday for a position that is a much better fit.

Ethically, it feels wrong to accept a position and keep interviewing. If I took the position and left a week later for something better, I will have burned a bridge at that hospital. Better to turn them down outright.

So this is my quandary. Is a bird in the hand really worth two in the bush?

Wedding

2010-10-05T15:20:00.002-04:00

No, not mine! I went to a friend's weddding in Nashville last weekend. I had a fantastic time, they had a beautiful wedding and the reception was a blast. I hope these two do well. Like any couple, they have had their ups and downs, but neither abandoned the other and they stuck it out until they decided they would always stick it out. I'm not a big fan of marriage myself, I don't see the point. If you trust each other and believe in your commitment to each other, why get the government involved?

I'm not stupid enough to believe that everybody feels the same way. I can understand if kids are involved. I think it does make it harder on the children when they aren't in a traditional family setting. I didn't say it was right, it just is.

At any rate, I hope my two friends have a long and happy marriage and I was glad I could be there to share their special day with them.

Some Quick Updates

2010-09-27T08:56:00.002-04:00

Mom is better, but still not well. The last surgery managed to stop the leak of cerebrospinal fluid, but it kind of put her back at square one on her lower extremity issue. They are still working on her pneumonia and poly nephritis. In addition, her hematocrit dropped and they had to give her two units of blood. The goal right now is to just get her out of the hospital and back into rehab.

I have a second interview today. I've turned down one job, waiting to hear on another, been rejected outright for a third. I'm guessing I will take this one if the money is ok. I'd rather work at this hospital and I hope things work out.

I've been struggling a little bit with Kitten's son. He hasn't done anything different, I just get angry when he leaves empty containers on the counter because the garbage is full, or when he leaves fans or the TV on in the house, or when he leaves his plate for somebody else to clean. I do all of these things myself, but I know I will be the one that comes back and resolves the problem. He is waiting for somebody else to take care of it. I talk to Kitten about it and as I was talking to her, I realized that it didn't bother her at all. I then came to the realization that the problem was me, not her son. If it doesn't bother her, why should it bother me? It's not like she asked me to clean up after him. I'm gonna work on that because it's silly to be mad at a situation that doesn't really affect me. I think I'm turning into my Dad.

I'm going back to Nashville this weekend. A couple of friends are getting married and I'm happy to see them tie the knot. Well, not really, I'm sort of anti marriage, but just because I'm a grumpy old curmudgeon, I'm not gonna deny anybody else their happiness. When I asked her if she was registered, she gave me the usual places and the resort where she was staying for their honeymoon. I thought that was fantastic! I was able to buy them some credit toward their wine service. I'd much rather they enjoy a good bottle of wine together than have some knick knack that collects dust on a shelf somewhere.

Randy Newman

2010-09-26T10:02:00.003-04:00

Kitten and I went to see Randy Newman last night. I had a fantastic time and recommend that anyone with a chance, catch his act.

Most people recognize Newman from either his movie scores (Toy Story being the the most famous I think) or from the one or two minor hits he had on the radio ("I Love L.A." and "Short People"). He has written a ton of other stuff including the score for "The Natural" and "Mama Told Me Not To Come" made famous by Three Dog Night.

Backed by the Louisville Orchestra, the sound was rich without drowning out Newman's sometimes understated vocals. Newman himself is witty and urbane in deportment. His songwriting can be political and thought provoking without being aggressive.

He was every bit as entertaining as my favorite song writer, Lyle Lovett. Listen to the video above for proof.

Mom

2010-09-19T17:51:00.003-04:00

My Mom's health has been in decline for quite a while now. About a year and a half ago, she had three compression fractures in her spine and had to have them repaired. While in the hospital, she suffered from narcotic psychosis and had a long, extended recovery. She had trouble getting around after that hospitalization, but we just attributed it to post op weakness and the fact that she had no interest in rehab. Six months after that operation, her weakness in her legs became worse and she began to complain of numbness in her legs and feet. She would try to walk and her legs would just give out on her. She lives in an area about two to three hours from any real medical care and that just compounded the problem because none of the quacks where she is at were able to give her a diagnosis.

We finally got her to a neurologist in a small town about an hour and a half away. After checking her out and getting and MRI, the neurologist immediately sent her to a neurosurgeon in Memphis. Mom had a long cyst pressing against a significant area of her spinal cord. The neurosurgeon operated and was pleased with the results, but once again, mom refused rehab and went back home to the little town with no real health care available and no family that could be relied upon to help her.

She never really got better. If anything, the numbness and lack of control in her legs continued to get worse. She had to have a distant relative come live with her, but if you know my Mom, you know that's a short term solution. She is strong willed and opinionated and not really a people person. We began to formulate plans for her to move closer to me or one of my siblings. We wanted to put her in an apartment, but were afraid that it had reached the point where she couldn't live alone.

The neurosurgeon that had seen her before decided that things weren't what they should be so he had another MRI done. He told us that yhe cyst had returned and Mom's options were another surgery or basically be in a wheel chair for the rest of her life. She opted for the surgery and went into the hospital a couple of weeks ago. The doctor said that when he opened her up, it wasn't the cyst causing the problem, but scar tissue on and around the spinal cord. Post op, Mom had movement in her feet but very little sensation. After a brief recovery in the hospital, she was sent to a rehab facility to try and regain some of her mobility.

A couple of days ago, Mom began sleeping more and more. She was beginning to get confused and was unable to participate in her rehab. They sent her to the emergency room where she was diagnosed with dehydration and a urinary tract infection, but no real explanation for her confusion. They kept her in the hospital and she soon became unresponsive. My sister called a couple of hours ago. They were to do some further testing today, but Mom's breathing became ragged and they were concerned about pneumonia. The last I heard was that she was completely unresponsive and was being placed on a ventilator. I asked my sister if I should go to Memphis and she pointed out that there was nothing I could do and Mom wouldn't know I was there. I see the logic in this, but worry that my sister feels left alone to shoulder the burden of making decisions.

Boy this is tough.

The Big Easy

2010-09-09T12:01:00.009-04:00

Wow! Thursday already? It was quite the Labor Day weekend. Friday afternoon, I picked Kitten up from work and we headed to the airport. A quick flight to Chicago and a short walk to the train station and we boarded the train to New Orleans. Traveling by train is so peaceful. You just sit at your seat and watch the scenery go by. You have room to get up and move around, you have an accessible bathroom, and when you are tired, you just flip down your bed and go to sleep. It's sad that there is no service in this part of the country. I would choose to travel by train if I was given the choice. Kitten seemed to enjoy herself.

We arrived in New Orleans at around three in the afternoon on Saturday and checked into our B&B on St. Charles. It was a fantastic place to stay. Quite and right on the street car line. We dropped our bags and bounced onto the streetcar to run down to Mother's for Ferdi sandwiches.Afterwards, we walked around the quarter for a while drinking and taking in the sights. It happened to be the weekend for Southern Decadence, so there was plenty to see, such as a six foot tall man wearing a mesh body suit that prominently displayed his yellow banana hammock. I'd include pictures here, but none were taken, mostly because I was waaayyyy out numbered. I'm just not sure how a pack of drunk gay guys would react to the one hetero on the street taking a picture. We went to Jackson Square and Kitten had her fortune told. I don't put much stock in such things, but if it made her happy, that was fine by me.

The next day, we went back to the Quarter and caught the cemetery tour at St. Louis #1. I thought it was very interesting and informative.There can be up to thirty family members buried in some of those tombs. Apparently, the coffin (provided it's made of wood) and the body almost completely decomposes within a year. When the newly deceased are ready to be interred, they just push the remains of the previous occupant to the back of the tomb where the fall into a hole beneath the tomb. So, if you have a family member you don't like, you had better make arrangements before you die, otherwise, your remains will be mixed for eternity!

After the tour, I had to have a muffaletta. Central Grocery is my usual choice, but they are closed on Sunday. We gave Frank's, a couple of doors down, a try. I was unimpressed to say the least. It was perfectly acceptable, just not as good as Central Grocery's. From there we went to Pat O'Brian's and drank Zombies while sitting in the piano bar. Four Zombies later, we stumbled back to the B&B.

That night, we went to eat and listen to jazz at a place called Snug Harbor. Pretty decent gumbo. After eating we went to the back to listen to the band. I can't remember the name, but I enjoyed them. There was a slight kerfuffle during the show. A couple of guys came in late and sat next to me against the wall. Kitten was on my right and the chair across the table was empty. A third fella came in even later and sat in the empty chair. He obviously knew the two next to me. There was some discussion between them that was loud and obtrusive. I blew it off, but the guy sitting across from the two on my right (confused yet?) was perturbed. He (let's call him Al) was completely beatnik with giant black horn rimmed glasses and a hair style reminiscent of Albert Einstein. He kept looking over at everybody, obviously not happy. Then the musical chairs started. The two guys on my right switched places. Now the guy (let's call him Libby) to my immediate right spent all of his time looking at the guy across from me. It was very distracting. Things had settled for a bit and I was become accustomed to the looks of love happening in front of me when the musical chairs started again. The two guys next to me swapped places again and then the guy that was NOW immediately next to me swapped places with lover boy across from me. Then lover boy and Libby swapped places. If you are keeping score, to my immediate right is Libby, to his right is lover boy, the third guy is across from me and Al is across from Libby and lover boy. Whew! All of this was done mid performance. It isn't like jazz performances have breaks or even have a short song. Now lover boy and Libby were having a loud conversation when they weren't staring into each other's eyes. Al finally had enough, leaned over the table, poked Libby three times on the shoulder emphatically and said "Be quiet!" Libby's head snaps around and he leans over the table and pokes Al in the shoulder three times and responds with "Don't touch me!" I thought I was gonna get to see a slap fight between Liberace and Albert Einstein! The three fellas left shortly after that and we and Al were left to enjoy the rest of the show.

The next morning we got up and did the obligatory cafe au lait and beniegts at Cafe du Monde. We had to rush back to the B&B because I had an office meeting. We had lunch at the Red Fish on Bourbon. Pretty good! That evening we dressed up and went to dinner at Commander's Palace. We decided to have the "Chef's Playground" with the wine and cocktail pairing. (BTW, doesn't Kitten look great?)Dinner included Soft Shell Crab "swizzle", Crispy Oysters Meuniere, Foie Gras "Du Monde", a Crescent City Cooler (guava flavored rum! Who knew?), Pan Roasted Summer Seafood, Tournedo Rossini, and Destin Key Lime Pie & Huckleberries. All and all, I'd say it was one of my top five meals ever.

We did other things. Got caught in the rain, followed a bunch of kids playing zydeco on the boardwalk, drank. We flew back home on Tuesday. NOLA is still a lot of fun post Katrina. It and San Francisco are my top two food cities and food is my thing in case you couldn't tell.

What's New?

2010-09-01T22:46:00.003-04:00

It's been quite the adjustment so far. The number of teenagers in and out of this house is impressive! They are like a swarm of locusts. The whole band must have a tapeworm because they eat like they've been on a hunger strike. I've been living by myself too long I guess. They seem to be normal teens, pushing boundaries, moody, wanting to be waited on hand and foot, but I'm just not used to it.

I've had an interview and some interest from a few other places, nothing definite yet. My money is still holding out for now, but I can see a time coming where I'm gonna have to take whatever I can get.

On the very bright side, Kitten and I are getting along great. It's a nice routine, having somebody to talk to that understands me and what I'm saying. We have disagreements, but it never turns into complete drama and for that I am very thankful.

We have a nice little getaway planned for this weekend. It's the trip we planned before I moved. Fly to Chicago, take the train to New Orleans and stay in a bed and breakfast for a few days before flying home. Kitten is very excited and constantly looks at our little visitors guide that the board of tourism sent us. I'm looking forward to the food mostly. I'm easily pleased.

I'm Here

2010-08-22T23:44:00.003-04:00

So here I am! Where is that you say? At Kitten's house. She brought a friend down Saturday morning, we loaded the truck, I met the landlord and got my deposit, and three hours later, I no longer live in Nashville.

Many, many thanks to Kitten's friend. The man is a truck loading machine. I kept thinking "Damn, I've got the truck for two days. Why is he working so hard?" I swear he did 75% of the work. Kitten cleaned house while we loaded and she did a fantastic job. I don't think the house was ever that clean since I moved it. In fact, I know it wasn't.

So, I'm gonna look for work this week. I'm gonna spend a lot of time on the phone and take a few resumes to hospitals. I hope something turns up fairly quick. I've got some money saved, but not a ton. Of course I don't want to go to work too quick. After all, we are going to New Orleans for Labor Day. Can't have a job interfering with that endeavor!

From Shit My Dad Says

2010-08-19T21:29:00.000-04:00

Sparky

2010-08-16T03:05:00.002-04:00

It's a little cliche, like something from "Animal House", but everybody in my fraternity ended up with a nickname. If you were unlucky, your nick was derived from something stupid you did or survived. I drew "Chunk" because I threw up.....a lot. There was "Thud" which happened to be the sound one would hear when he would pass out. Some were saddled with names appropriate to their looks or personality like "Lurch" and "Useless".

Then there was Sparky.

I don't remember how Sparky got his nickname. He did a lot of stupid shit, but none of it involved fire or electricity. Sparky started out as the brightest of the group. Grades were a big deal when we were pledges and the first quarter at UT found Sparky at the top of our pledge class. It was all down hill from there.

Alcohol played a big part of it, but I felt like Sparky lost interest in bettering himself somewhere along the line. The first hint of real trouble was when he got arrested for public indecency. He and some girl were bumping nasties in the middle of a park when the police stumbled upon them mid coitus. Sparky, ever the gentleman, apparently jumped up and started running. I assume the girl did as well, we never did find out what happened to her. Anyway, Sparky, being drunk, ran until he was caught and got far enough from the scene of the crime that he couldn't remember where he had left his clothes. He was hauled to jail au natural and returned to us the next day in an orange Knox County jumpsuit.

Later in his academic career he was kicked out of a final because he was covered in his own vomit. Sparky had a theory that as long as you took the test in the same condition that you studied for the test, your performance would not suffer. Sparky studied drunk and tested drunk. He flunked out at the end of his sophomore year.

Sparky's last night at UT was spent with Guns and Roses. He would put on Sweet Child O' Mine and crank the stereo to eleven. Because it sounded better, he borrowed another housemates electric guitar and accompanied Slash........poorly. This was all done while inebriated and in the dark and over and over and over again. I still cringe every time I hear the opening bars to Sweet Child O' Mine.

We didn't hear from Sparky after he left school. It wasn't until almost ten years later that I ran into him. I had moved to a small town in West Tennessee and had a hankerin' for a pizza one night. Sparky delivered my pizza to me. A thirty-something year old drop out that had never really recovered from his half assed attempt at education. Sparky wanted to socialize, but I didn't think that would be prudent. What could we possibly have in common? Call it snobbery or elitism or whatever, but it was obvious to me that our paths had diverged in a way that made it impossible for the two of us to connect on any meaningful level. The short hand of our conversations would have sounded something like "Hey! Remember the time...."

I don't know what made me think about Sparky tonight. I only hope that somewhere Sparky has parked his pizza truck and is knocking back some cold ones while Sweet Child O' Mine is cranking on the stereo and I hope he doesn't think I'm a douche.

Goals

2010-08-13T21:10:00.002-04:00

Step 1. Quit job.

Step 2. Pack house.

Step 3. Move to Indiana to live with girlfriend.

Step 4. Find a new job.

Step one is complete! I am currently unemployed. Today was my last day. I threatened to cuss everybody out, grab a couple of beers, and jump down the inflatable escape slide. Nobody took me seriously. I guess I left off of my list the fact that I have to obtain an Indiana license. It's a serious pain in the ass. I have to go to the police station next week to get finger printed!

Is This Thing On?

2010-08-10T20:37:00.004-04:00

Kitten and I got back from Vegas on Sunday and now I need a vacation from our vacation! Thursday, we got off of the plane, grabbed a bite to eat and then went to see the show that Kitten picked out. Blue Man Group! I've seen them before, but this time we had tickets in the second row. If you go see Blue Man, get seats as close as possible. I've never gotten as many laughs out of it as I did this time. By the time the show was over, we were all laughed out and exhausted. It was 2 a.m. my time and 3 a.m. Kitten's time. We practically passed out.

Friday morning, we finally woke up and went over to get discount tickets for the next two nights. Kitten wanted to see a Cirque du Soleil show and all they had were tickets for Zumanity and Love. Since I had seen Love last year, we settled on Zumanity. Again on the second row! See it if you haven't, but see it with somebody you love. It definitely puts you in the mood for some freaky freaky! We had planned on creating our own mood, but due to an accident involving water and a pair of battery operated underwear, our plans didn't work out like we had hoped. Zumanity managed to make up for it. I completely skipped over the fact that we spent he entire day at the pool sipping Red Stripes and soaking up sun. All and all, Friday was a fantastic day.

Saturday began at the pool again. Heineken this time. We roasted all day, people watched and got snookered. After having dinner at a nice french restaurant (mmmm.......escargot) we went to see the show that we picked out the day before. I had first seen Cheap Trick almost 25 years ago and now they were in Vegas performing the Beatles! They played Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band in it's entirety with a few extra Beatles tunes thrown in at the end and then wrapped the whole thing up with their own hits. It was a fantastic show and Kitten managed to catch quite a few of the paper hearts that showered the crowd at the end.

We got back to Nashville pretty early on Sunday, picked up my dogs and bathed them. Sunday night was spent just enjoying each other and then Monday Kitten went home. Soon it will be my home too, but more on that later. As for now? Viva Las Vegas!

It's Almost August

2010-07-28T15:34:00.001-04:00

It's almost August and I have a lot on my plate. Kitten and I are headed to Las Vegas the first weekend. I'm looking forward to spending some time with her. I know that it has been tough on her the last couple of months, but I'm doing everything I can to ease her mind.

So, I'm moving. My lease is up at the end of August and I will have been in this house a year. A long, long year. Everything that happened to me in the last year combined with Kitten and I being back together pushes me to move. I love Nashville, but I don't enjoy it anymore. Most things here have a bad, bad memory associated with them. Even my job, which is a pretty good job, leaves a bad taste in my mouth now. Putting Nashville behind me will be a good thing.

North I go. I'm putting in my notice Monday and sometime between our trip to Vegas and our trip to the Big Easy, I will be moving in with Kitten. I admit I was wrong. There was a time when I said I'd never move someplace colder, but I have to try to do this for the two of us. I'm excited and a tad scared at the same time.

Friends

2010-07-15T21:13:00.008-04:00

My friend, Cindy, recently wrote on her blog about how she tries to be a good friend and how she has struggled with crappy friends in the past, but now has great friends. It had me thinking about old friends, new friends and people I thought were my friends.

All and all, I think I've been lucky. I'm friendly with many people, but I don't take a lot of people into my confidence. Of the folks in the picture above (I'm the dork on the left end of the bench), I really only talk to one. One is an actor in California, one is a musician in New Mexico, the last time I saw one, he had recently been arrested for DUI, and one is legally blind living in Arkansas. The fella that took the picture is an architect in Chattanooga.

There was a time when I would have done anything for one of these fellas and they would have done the same for me. It's still that way for the most part. A couple of them became kinda shady and I don't think I would completely trust them. One of them made a point in the last year of letting me know that if I needed anything he was there for me.

As I grew older, I tried to surround myself with people that would make me a better person. Most of the time I was successful. A lot of my friends brought out the best in me. A couple turned on me, doing dastardly thing things like hitting on my girlfriend. Some surprised me with their generosity.

With one exception, I don't talk to the friends I have now on a regular basis. The only requirement I have to be my friend is to be trustworthy. My motto is say what you mean, mean what you say. Follow that simple rule and you remain on the good list.

I admit, there have been times when I was not the best friend and those times weigh heavy on my soul. All I can do is try not to make the same mistakes and recognize the moments when I can be a good friends. Oh, the one exception mentioned above? Kitten is my best friend. I'm a firm believer that your significant other should always be your best friend.

In 2005, I reflected on friends in a post. I had decided to write a mission statement and application process for being my friend. After reading over it, I think it still applies almost five years later.

Team Bat

Mission Statement: Team Bat will consist of the best friend that money cannot buy. We strive to be the best friend possible and provide 100% friend satisfaction.

Employment: The application process is simple. Ask. Team Bat does not discriminate based on color, creed, or sexual preference. However, be aware that Team Bat reserves the right to refuse employment based on planet of origin.

Sexual harassment: Team Bat has a strict sexual harassment policy. We encourage it. Same sex harassment may be ignored, but perversely, it is appreciated.

Pay: At no time will a person be expected to pay to participate in Team Bat.

Time Off: Team members are encouraged to take time off from Team Bat as needed. Mental health days may be taken at will. Be aware that extended absence from Team Bat in no way relieves you or Team Bat from friend responsibilities. Membership in Team Bat is considered a lifetime commitment.

Benefits: Benefits will vary according to the individual. Your benefit package is subject to change at anytime, basically because the team leader can be an ass. Benefits include, but are not limited to, gifts, drunken phone calls, beer, favors, event tickets, appliance repair, automobile repair, etc. Be aware, if your benefits are refused or not used, they may be reassigned to another team member.

Dismissal: Offenses that may cause dismissal are few. Lying, cheating, or bestiality will result in immediate dismissal. Other offenses that may result in suspension of benefits include jealousy, snooping through team members shit, showing up at the team leader's house without prior notification, outstanding loans, and breaking the team leader's shit. Team Bat is aware that the relationship between the team and the team member is a two way process and will strive to avoid committing any of the above offenses.

Vegas Baby!

2010-07-13T11:45:00.003-04:00

Kitten and I are headed to Vegas in early August. Because we can. Don't hate us!

Roller Derby!

2010-07-11T15:19:00.003-04:00

Kitten and I have done a lot since the last time I blogged. I was gonna give the low down on our 4th of July festivities, but she did such a good job, I think you should just go read about it on her blog.

We were unable to get together this weekend, so I was on my own. A buddy of mine let me know that his wife was out of town and he was on his own as well so we decided to go see the Nashville Rollergirls.

I remember roller derby when I was a kid. It came on TV and the T-Birds were always the good guys. I thought it would be kinda like the old roller derby, but it as a completely different thing. First of all, there was no banked track and rail. They just put some tape on the floor and bam! they had a track. The downside (or upside depending on what you like) is that if you were sitting on the edge of the track, you were in the "suicide seats". Basically this meant you were subject to having a roller girl end up in your lap at anytime.

The "bout" itself was fun to watch. The rules are fairly simple, teams score points when their "jammer" passes members of the other team. The girls had names like Sambo Rambo, Leanne Crimes, and Lady Fury. The coach went by the name Master Bates! Fun for the whole family I tell ya! It was a spirited match that ended with Nashville beating Tallahasse 159-70. Go Rollergirls!

The crowd was half of the entertainment. It was about 1,500 people. One third redneck, one third Vandy snobs, and one third bull dyke. As an aside, I wonder why dykes look angry all of the time? Like they need to kick somebody's ass? My gay neighbors aren't that way. Lesbians that I've worked with in the past are nice pleasant people. Put a woman in men's clothing and give them a short haircut and all of a sudden they have a sour look on their face like somebody pissed in their cheerios (I know it's a stereotype, but I swear that's what they all looked like last night). I digress. The crowed was spirited and lively and cheered not only the Rollergirls, but the cheerleader's half-time performance and the New Orleans style brass band that played. As for the band, they had this little kid with them, he couldn't have been more than four, playing a snare drum. He was wearing it out!

The kicker for the evening? As we are leaving, my buddy says "Hey, isn't that the hockey coach?" I looked around in doubt, but sure enough, off to my side, Barry freakin' Trotz, head coach of the Nashville Predators! Like a redneck, I hollered "YO, BARRY!" and he gave me the head nod. So, if you've ever wondered what hockey coaches do in the off season, now you know.

Anybody wanna go to the next bout?

People Are So Obvious

2010-06-23T09:12:00.002-04:00

I usually don't deal in gossip. I find that nine times out of ten, the gossip is way off base, particularly if somebody says "Don't tell anyone I told you." However, there are a couple of people at work that everybody says are having an affair. He is single, but she is married. None of my business really, but co-workers have to have something to talk about.

Personally, I've not noticed anything suspicious. They have lunch together every once in a while. Hey, I've worked with people whose company I prefer over others. Still no big deal.

And then....the fella catches me in the locker room one morning. He says something like "Hey, you have an iPhone don't you? How do you erase pictures on there?" I'm a little confused at first and ask him a couple of questions. The gist of his complaint is that he plugged his iPhone into the computer and iTunes pulled all of his photos off of his computer and put them on his phone when they synced. I explained the whole tab system to him and told him to deselect the photo portion of the sync. Boom. Problem solved nice and easy.

I didn't think anything of the conversation until forty-five minutes later when the female half of the supposed couple caught me in the hall and asked me the same set of questions. I answered them in the same manner and didn't think anything of it.

Until about thirty minutes later. That's how slow I work folks. Now I'm laughing my ass off (on the inside of course) because I realise what must have happened. Now my imagination is running wild. I'm guessing that she got a new phone, plugged it into his computer, iTunes automatically synced it and now she has all of his pictures on her phone. Hard enough to explain to a significant other, but if they did what many couples do (not me of course) there are some very compromising photos on her phone. Can't explain that away!

How obvious do you have to be that even my dumb ass catches on to what you are doing?

City of New Orleans

2010-06-20T16:49:00.002-04:00

Kitten came to town this weekend. We had a great time Saturday night starting with dinner at Bound'ry. We shared a seafood and cucumber bisque that had a side of seared scallop, squash blossom stuffed with goat cheese, a fish, whose name I can't remember, and creme brulee. The bisque and scallop was my favorite! After dinner, took Kitten over to the Ryman. The Grand Ole Opry is back at the Ryman since their normal place is still under repair from the flood. I had a great time and I think she did too.

So why the picture of the train? We decided on our next trip! We booked a flight to Chicago where we will board "The City of New Orleans". After an overnight train ride, we will spend a couple of days in the Big Easy, mostly eating and doing the tourist things. I'm excited to travel with Kitten and I think she is excited too. I can't wait!

More Tickets?

2010-06-12T08:23:00.002-04:00

I was given tickets to the Jeff Fisher Charity Softball game this weekend. Unfortunately, I volunteered to take call for a buddy on the day of the game. I have been unable to find any takers for them, so I'm afraid they will go to waste.

Under better circumstances, I know that the ex-girlfriend would love to have them. She was a fanatic for that kind of stuff, but after the way I was treated, no way in hell would I do something nice for her. Those days are over.

Sadly, this kind of thing is very bad for my psyche. I am with Kitten now and she is everything I could ask for and everything the ex was not, but for some reason I obsess over how bad I was treated. I have reached a point where, normally, I don't give her a thought, but every time I get news about her or have reason to think about her, my brain goes into overdrive. Last week it was somebody telling me that she was getting fat. It was funny at first, but I couldn't stop thinking about every conversation we had about her weight. This week, it's the tickets. I love doing things for people. I come across as a tad curmudgeonly, but making people happy does make me happy. However, I've found that if you do things for people and they don't appreciate it, it just means they are taking advantage of you.

Bless Kitten's heart. She listens to me. She really listens. It isn't about her all of the time. I know she will get tired of me bitching about how I was done wrong. The saddest part of the whole deal is that the ex could have had the friend in me that she says she wanted if she had remotely tried to ease my pain. Instead, she did everything she could to make me feel like I was going out of my way to please her without any appreciation from her at all. It's an old and tired subject, I know. It's gotten so bad that at night, instead of dreaming about Kitten and how lucky I am to have her, I dream about the ex. Not those kind of dreams! I dream about things she did to hurt me and even worse, in my dreams she finds new ways to hurt me. I know this will all fade eventually, but it's taking forever. In six weeks it will be a year since she dumped me for somebody else. Intellectually, I know that I'm so much better off. The only thing that really attracted me to her was the fact that I thought she loved me. Now that I know it wasn't true, I can't think of a single reason why I was with her. So, emotionally I continue to struggle with how I got suckered into that relationship and why I allowed her to hurt me so bad.

I'm so lucky to have Kitten.

Sooo Busy

2010-06-06T15:24:00.003-04:00

Gosh, where does the time go? I've been very busy lately. Memorial Day weekend, I drove to Kitten's to hang out. We had a blast, but didn't do anything special. Mostly just spent time together. We did buy a smoker and make "Bacon Explosion". Let me tell you, "Bacon Explosion" is worth the one or two years it takes off of your life. The basic ingredients? Two pounds of Italian sausage and two pounds of bacon. I got the recipe from the Today show. Look it up if you feel you don't get enough red meat in your diet.

I drove back to Kitten's this weekend. She had an elective procedure done on Friday and I wanted to be there to take care of her. I kidded her, but she was actually a good patient. She is up and feeling much better now, so maybe I did some good.

I got a phone call from the travel company I'm trying to use. They found a job for me in Cheyenne, WY. Not exactly the urban center I was looking for and waaaaaayyyy to far away from Kitten, so I told them to keep looking.

There is more, but I just got off of the road so I'm tired. :P

Clearwater 2010

2010-05-22T01:11:00.002-04:00

I was going to post a long detailed account of my vacation last week, but Kitten did a fantastic job over at her blog. Her memory is much better than mine and she didn't miss much. The above picture is my favorite.

Except. After the plane had landed, we grabbed our bags and waited for the shuttle back to my car. The driver helped her on and off the bus because I was on the phone with my sister. (I know, it sounds lame, but my mom has been ill and I was trying to help my sister with some details.) We started walking toward my car, me carrying my bag, Kitten pulling hers. I hang up with my sister and Kitten is laughing her ass off. "What?" as I picked up her bag and noticed that one whole side of it was shaking. "Oh. How long has your vibrator been running?" She says "I don't know." I'm telling you, those were some damn strong batteries.

HNT

2010-05-19T21:34:00.004-04:00

Five years ago I had been blogging for a short time, mostly because I had a bad case of insomnia, but partly because it help my confused mind to write. Shortly after I began doing this, I stumbled across something called "Half-Nekkid Thursday". On Thursdays, bloggers would post a picture, usually creative, showing a bit of skin. Some were mundane, but a lot of them were artistic and fun. I decided to join in and posted my first HNT picture on June 30. The above picture was of me messing around and deciding that at first glance, somebody might mistake my picture for something more titillating. I got quite a few comments and people seemed to enjoy it, thus a new hobby was born. I met a lot of new people online due to HNT and some in real life. I liked the interaction and the challenge of trying to come up with something new.

Fast forward to April of 2006. I had been dating the infamous "Ex" since December. I had told her about my blog and she pretty much labeled all of my HNT friends perverts and "creepy". She eventually nagged me so much that in the interest of keeping the peace, I shut down my blog.

Lo and behold, what did she do? Started a blog. She posted pictures every bit as revealing as anything I ever did and even took the opportunity, I learned later, to privately send half nekkid pictures to other people. Nothing like hypocrisy, huh? I started a new blog, but I've never been able to recapture the sense of creativity and fun that originally attracted me to blogging. Just something else she took from me for no good reason other than she could.

Five years after HNT started, Osbasso tells me I'm one of the pioneers of HNT and asks me to post my very first entry as well as a present day recreation. Since I lack a decent camera, there is no recreation, but above is my original entry. Enjoy.

P.S. I had a wonderful vacation with Kitten. I promise I will write about it soon.

P.P.S. After the "Ex" dumped me, I combined my old blog with this one. If you look in my archives, you can find a lot of my old HNT pictures. If that kinda thing interests you.

2010-05-13T12:26:00.003-04:00

A Ginger Midget Is Pounding On My Skull

2010-05-09T10:30:00.003-04:00

My apologies to the pigment challenged, the vertically deficient, and those with inadequate dentition. Since I watched the Sherlock Holmes movie, I've been fascinated with ginger midgets. I'm just strange.

So, it's Sunday and I'm a smidgen hung over. I got a phone call Saturday night from a girl I used to work with a couple of years back. She was doing travel work now and was working at my old job site in Jackson, but was in Nashville for Mother's Day.

Wait, I'm leaving out part of the story. Originally, I found out that she was in Jackson and sent her a text message daring her to walk into a work area where the guys hang out and say "Big Ass Titties" then walk out. I promised I'd buy her a beer if she did it. Well, she did it and wanted to collect her beer last night.

So I met her for a beer. I stress the "A BEER" part. Four beers later, she had me laughing my ass off. I wish I could have gotten to know her better when we worked together, but the jealousy and irrationality of the ex-girlfriend would never have allowed that to be a possibility.

I had never talked to her about the ex, but they knew each other and apparently the ex told her about our break up. After the fifth beer, she looked at me and told me she was sorry about what had happened, it was fucked up. I tried to act like I didn't know what she was talking about, discussing it would be a serious buzz kill, but the alcohol set my tongue in action. I didn't tell her anything she didn't know, I guess she was just interested in hearing it from me. She just kept saying "that's so fucked up." There were a couple of positives that came out of my beer night with her. The first was that my low opinion of the ex was affirmed. She is a complete idiot. The second was that I realized how lucky I am.

Lucky? I'm so lucky that I no longer have to worry about who I talk to or see. Kitten trusts me completely. No games. No backwards redneck thinking. I get to be me. I left the bar at two in the morning and immediately called Kitten to tell her thanks. At least, I tried to tell her. I think she understood. I'm still a long way from normal. You don't go through four years of being mind fucked and then just flip a switch and expect everything to be like it was. I'm getting there.

Margaritaville and the Great Nashville Flood of 2010

2010-05-05T09:41:00.003-04:00

This past weekend, Kitten came to town for the Jimmy Buffet concert. It started raining on Saturday afternoon, but that didn't put a damper on our enthusiasm. We stopped off at Urban Flats for a glass of wine and a snack and then went to the concert. Before the show started, Nashville's mayor and police chief came on stage and told people to stay downtown after the show, the rain was starting to make travel difficult to the south. I don't think anybody paid attention to them. In particular there was one loud mouth behind us that was already drunk and screaming "I don't care, I'm gonna have a fucking good time! Whoooo!" It was classic. Kitten and I were determined to ignore him, we were gonna just let him have a good time. A lady in front of us had a different idea.
I'd never been to a Buffet concert before, but beach balls are a big part of the show before it starts. There were at least fifty flying around before everything got started. One bounced up to a lady about three rows in front of us. Drunk guy jumps up and immediately starts screaming "Throw it to me! Fucking throw it to me! Whoooo!" This middle aged lady turns around, takes a look at drunk guy, lifts the beach ball over her head and throws it hard right at his crotch! Drunk guy makes the "OOOF" sound as it bounces off of his junk. Chickie got a standing ovation.

The show was great. Lots of sing along songs. I wish I had a job like Jimmy Buffet. Show up to work in a t-shirt and shorts and goof around in your bare feet for a couple of hours. A dream job for sure.

We made our way home through the rain fine. I took a look in my basement and there was a couple of inches of standing water. No big deal. I picked up the stuff that was in danger of getting ruined and we went to bed.

The next morning the rain was still going full force. There was six inches of water or so in the basement now and it was pouring in every crack and crevice. I looked out the window and the entire backyard was flooded. My moron land lord had blown all of the leaves from the last fall into the drainage ditch and of course now it had formed a primitive dam against the fence. I shot him an email and he said he would have somebody bring over a sump pump for the basement.
By the time the pump got there, the water was up over the first step of the staircase and rising. Kitten and I got out in the rain and she helped me set up the pump. Even after the pump was running the water continued to rise. I easily had eighteen inches in there before the rain let up and the basement started to drain. The washer and dryer were a quarter submerged and the HVAC system was about two inches away from going under. Out back, the force of the water had pushed the leaves against the fence until the fence collapsed.

We were starting to get reports of interstates being flooded so Kitten left fairly early hoping to be able to get home. She called later and said that 65 North was fine, but a lot of the exits were closed due to flooding. She was able to get home fine. I managed to get most of the water pumped out by midnight.

The Cumberland River in downtown Nashville continued to rise, eventually flooding the floor of the arena where Buffet had played two nights before. Even today, 60 or so hour after the rain stopped, there are areas under water and downtown is a mess. The land lord sent somebody out to repair the fence and I'm gonna sort through everything in the basement today to figure out what got ruined. I think I got lucky as far as the flooding goes, but others, not so much.

It's Been A Long Time

2010-04-28T21:09:00.002-04:00

Ten days? Really? What can I say. I got caught up in the hockey playoffs. I'm too damn depressed about the fact that Nashville went from being up two games to one to loosing three straight to be eliminated. Next year maybe, although for the first time in a long time I won't be a season ticket holder.

On a positive note, I feel like Kitten and I are doing even better if that's possible. I drove up to see her last Friday. It's been chilly and raining, so we didn't do much. Saturday, she bought a grill and I helped her put it together and then we cooked steaks for dinner/supper. The rest of the weekend was spent in bed. Watching TV!! (mostly *wink*)

She is coming to see me this weekend. We have tickets to Jimmy Buffet on Saturday. I've always wanted to see him in concert, but I've never had the chance. I'm trying to find a nasty, tacky tropical shirt to wear, but they are more scarce than you would think.

In the middle of May, we are going on vacation and I can't wait. Just me and her on the beach for a couple of days is exactly what I need. Don't hate me.

Playoff Hockey!

2010-04-18T17:30:00.003-04:00

Friday night, the Preds went into Chicago and handed the number two seed in the western conference a loss at home. I would have posted about it on Saturday, but I spent all day recovering from the yelling and screaming. The dogs still won't look at me.

Through the first period, Nashville managed to hold their own, preventing Chicago's high powered offense from scoring. However, the Suckhawks definitely had the advantage in shots and being the pessimist that I am, there was a feeling of "it's only a matter of time." Sure enough, in the second period, Sharp potted a rebound that Rinne couldn't stop. I was on the phone with Kitten watching the game and we both groaned, but not in a good way.

By the time the third period rolled around I was already giving myself the "at least they didn't get blown out" speech when suddenly J. PPPPPP. DUUUUUMMMOOONNNNT bounced one into Chicago's goal. Naturally I jumped on the bandwagon and when Dumont scored AGAIN I was screaming and yelling and dancing with the dogs. I guess Kitten handled my foolishness ok, she still talks to me.

So, a couple of empty net goals later and the Preds have won their first road playoff game. I have a six pack of Labatt's Blue and I will be parked in front of the big screen tonight with the dogs giving me the evil eye and hopefully Kitten on the phone again (I consider her good luck) to watch game two.

Everybody cross your fingers. NOW!

Fear The Mullet

2010-04-13T10:09:00.004-04:00

I live in the South and the common perception of the good old boy held by the rest of the nation, sadly, is not far from the truth. I know plenty of people with gun racks in their trucks, pigs feet on their dinner plates and couches on their porches. However, nothing epitomizes the stereotype like the mullet.

Surely everybody is familiar with the mullet. A simple definition is a hairstyle that is short in the front and long in the back. According to the web site http://www.mulletjunky.com/, a legal mullet must be three times longer in the back than in the front. Other names for the hairstyle are: "The Ape Drape," "The Tennessee Waterfall," "The Mud Flap," and "The Achy-Breaky Big-Mistakey."

One of the more recognizable mullets in recent memory was the one sported by David Spade in the movie "Joe Dirt." If you aren't familiar with the movie, Joe Dirt was actually born without part of his skull and his parents stapled a mullet wig to his head to cover his brain and the skin and skull just kinda grew into the wig so he was stuck with it.

Why am I talking about mullets? I ran into the most awesome Joe Dirt mullet at work the other day. An exact replica. And it was a wig. On a seventy year old. You are never to old to rock a mullet.

Busy Busy

2010-04-07T23:35:00.004-04:00

It feels like my days have been so full, with little or no down time. Last Thursday was my birthday. 42! Boo. Friday, after I got off of work, I drove the two and half hours to Kitten's house. My dogs, Daisy and Maddie, went with me. I got there pretty late, about ten or so Kitten time. We were standing on the patio, letting the dogs run around the back yard when I suddenly heard a "squeak". I turned to Kitten and asked her if one of the dogs had snuck a toy out of the house. She didn't think so, but Maddie was working hard on something at the end of the patio.

I walked over to see what she had and saw something move. Thinking it was a mouse or a rat, I quickly moved Maddie away only to see a baby bunny kicking it's legs. I picked the poor thing up and even though Maddie hadn't broken skin, I knew it was a goner. It was bleeding from it's nose. We admonished Maddie harshly (I know, she was just doing what dogs do) but she just wagged her tail and looked at me as if to say "can I have my toy back?"

We were all pretty tired (dogs included) so we went to bed. The next morning, Kitten made me a fabulous breakfast and I took my coffee out back with the dogs. Pretty soon I noticed that Maddie was once again interested in something up closer to the house. When I went to check it out, what did I find? Another bunny! Unfortunately, that one didn't live very long, but it wasn't Maddie's fault that time.

Later in the day, the girls where nosing around some flox in the flower beds and I started to think that maybe they knew something that I didn't. I started looking around and found two more bunnies, both alive. They were pretty cute!

I managed to keep those two safe the rest of the weekend, hopefully there is no bad Easter bunny karma for anybody.

We spent the rest of Saturday watching the Preds beat the Red Wings in overtime to clinch a playoff spot. I drove home on Sunday in time to mow my yard and get the laundry done. The girls and I were pretty exhausted.

Look what I got in the mail on Tuesday! My Preds playoff tickets. Since I won't be a season ticket holder next year and probably won't even be in Nashville, these tickets could represent the last hockey games I will get to go to see. Hopefully, they will win at least one series which means I will get at least four more games. I will really miss them.

Things have been busy and I think they will remain that way for a while.

It's My Birthday!

2010-04-01T19:22:00.003-04:00

Check out what Kitten got me for my birthday! The complete Calvin and Hobbes! I hope she didn't pay for this thing by the pound. It's huge and weighs a ton. Each volume is over five hundred pages and the whole thing contains every Calvin and Hobbes strip ever.

I did kinda screw up today. I feel terrible about it. Kitten tried to surprise me at work and send me a cake. Not just any cake, but a giant Predators cake that feeds forty! It was supposed to be delivered to my job at eleven, when I usually try to go to lunch. Around one-thirty I texted her and told her I was on my way home, they had let me leave earlier. That's when I found out the cake was supposed to have already been there. I just felt horrible. Like I had really let her down. She was so upset. The cake showed up at work around two-thirty and this is what it looked like. Kitten did a great job of making my birthday special and I hope she knows that. I appreciate everything she does for me. Thank you Kitten!

It Just Keeps Getting Better

2010-03-30T01:02:00.002-04:00

Kitten and I had a great weekend! The Preds lost in overtime to Detroit, but we got the point and are still in fifth place. We had a great time at the game, no goals = no kisses tho. :( We had to park on the other side of downtown, so after the game, we went over to Wild Bill's for beignets and chicory coffee. After snacking on the sugary goodness, I was in the mood for another beer, so we went to the Big Bang for a bit down on Broadway. Does every bachelorette party in Nashville go there? The traffic finally died down so we headed home. Somebody mentioned breakfast (it was one in the morning) and since I was afraid Kid Rock might be in town, I didn't want to go to the Waffle House. That left only one option. The Hermitage Cafe is the best greasy spoon in town!

We tried to sleep in on Sunday, but the dogs weren't having it and once Kitten is up, everybody is up! I had to send her home that afternoon, but we are planning for me to drive to Kentucky this weekend. It must be something special if I'm willing to drive.

Big Weekend

2010-03-26T19:11:00.003-04:00

Big weekend! The Preds are in a fairly solid position in the playoff hunt. They get the Red Wings at home on Saturday for a pretty important game. As I write this, Kitten is on her way to Nashville to help me root the boys on to victory. We will spend another weekend together and the hockey is just a bonus. Don't hate me because my life is so great right now.

Wow!

2010-03-23T17:11:00.004-04:00

Where do I start? Kitten (that's what I'm calling the new girlfriend) changed some things around and managed to get here on Friday after work, a little early. After we unloaded her car and got her and her dog settled, we drank a couple of beers and enjoyed each other's company. Netflix had sent me "Pandorum" and even though Kitten says she likes sci-fi, we spent a good portion of the movie looking at each other and saying "What the fuck?" A person would probably get more out of the movie if they were actually focused on watching it, but we were a little too focused on each other.

Saturday, we got up and Kitten fixed the strongest pot of coffee I've ever had. Thirty minutes later, I was bouncing off of the walls and was babbling incessantly. She would just kinda give me a look, but I could tell that the wheels were turning in her head. ie "What have I done?" We left the house and drove down to Gnoshville for lunch. I showed her around town a bit. We walked around the Parthenon which is Nashville's exact replica of the Parthenon in Greece. Don't ask me why it was built, I couldn't tell you. I always look at the pictures of the Greek Parthenon, sitting on top of a majestic escarpment and think about how beautiful it must have been before time and vandals destroyed it, then I look at Nashville's Parthenon perched on a flat area surrounded by a park and think "Why?" About that time, I got a phone call from the Nashville Predators. Saturday was the last day to renew my season tickets and the rep wanted to know what my plans were. After I told him that regretfully, after five years, I wasn't going to be a season ticket holder any more because I didn't think I was going to be in Nashville next year, he invited me to a private showing of the Olympic medals that a couple of the players had won. I filed it away as something we might do given the time.

After a stop at Hustler Hollywood (don't judge, we hadn't spent significant time with each other in twenty years, there was a lot of pent up energy) we went home and took a nap before the game.

We left the house very early for the game because the parking situation is horrible right now. We walked down Broadway and went into a place I had been once before called "Past Perfect." They do vodka infusions. They take a gallon jug, fill it half way with fruit or peppers or even vegetables and then the rest of the space is filled with vodka. The whole thing is stored for a period of time until the vodka takes on the flavor of whatever has been put in it. I know, nothing new really, we've all had citrus or strawberry vodka, big deal right? Try it with ginger, or jalapenos, or cucumbers. My favorite of all time? Bubble gum. That's right. They put a whole bag of double bubble in there! The bartender shook it with ice and strained it into a glass. Cool liquid bubblegum flavor with no vodka bite. I could seriously sit and drink it all night, although the sweetness would probably catch up to me at some point.

We then walked over to the arena for the game and because we were a little early, we went back to the meeting room to see the Olympic medals. To my surprise, they were taking fan photos with them. It was way cool! A side note. There is a Swede that plays for Nashville named Patric Hornqvist. He's having a great year, so instead of my normal Steve Sullivan jersey, I wore my new t-shirt. It said "Me So Hornqvist" Yeah, I thought you would like that. The Preds won in overtime, a great game.

The next day, we got up and had brunch at the Germantown Cafe. They have the best french onion soup ever. That night we met up with two couples at one of my favorite restaurants, Sambucca. The dinner was great, the music was fantastic and I couldn't ask for better company.

Monday, I had to work, but Kitten straightened up the house for me and did a little work on her laptop. I was on call that night, so we just hung out and played with the dogs.

Today, I was off of work, so we got up and went down to the Frist Center for the Visual Arts. They had a small exhibit of kinetic sculptures by a Korean artist named U-Ram Choe. Each sculpture was a like a mechanical living thing and had a fictional description of it like it was a newly discovered species. Very, very cool. If you get the chance to see his work, I recommend it.

We walked over to the Flying Saucer for a couple of beers and lunch and then I had to put Kitten in her car and send her home. It was a very intense weekend and we are both fairly smitten. I find myself regretting the fact that I have wasted the last four or five years of my life when I could have been with her. I hope we have many years ahead of us.

Because her son is on spring break all week, she is coming back to see me on Friday. It's really nice to have something/somebody to look forward to now. I see a lot of mileage in our futures.

How You Like Me Now?

2010-03-14T23:37:00.009-04:00

So what have I been up to? No good apparently. Now I've gone Bat Shit Crazy. The old girlfriend from twenty years ago that I wrote about earlier? You know, the one that had a boyfriend, lived in a different state and our time had come and gone. Well, it looks like our time has come again.

She broke up with her boyfriend a few weeks ago. He refused to be around her fifteen year old son, so he kinda dug his own grave. I made her swear that it had nothing to do with me. I don't know if I believe that completely, but I take solace in the fact that I encouraged her to give him another chance. I told her that she should talk to him and make sure he understood what she needed. He just shut down on her and told her that if she didn't like it, she knew what she could do.

So, after that, our talks turned more to regretted mistakes and second chances. She has apologized a dozen times for things that happened twenty years ago. Actually, nothing really happened. We were together and then she just sorta went away. She tells me that she was young and selfish and has always felt like she made a huge mistake.

Where did that leave us? Once I allowed it to happen, all of the old feelings began to surface and I told her I would give her a second chance if she wanted it. However, there was still a sticking point. She lives there and I live here. She can't move for several years and I'm not really interested in doing the long distance thing for any length of time. If I really wanted to give her a second chance, I had to agree to go to her.

We decided that we should see each other some before making any kind of commitment. Just to make sure we smelled right to each other. Her son will be away on spring break the weekend of the twentieth and we decided that she would come to Nashville and go to the hockey game with me then (I did make sure she didn't have a sick turtle first).

That was a couple of weeks ago and we spent the next several days on the phone talking about everything and nothing. We finally decided that the first time we see each other in twenty years shouldn't have the pressure of a full weekend behind it. Last weekend, we decided to meet each other half way at Mammoth Cave National Park.

I got there at the agreed time and was a little nervous, not about meeting her, but about the fact that there is NO cell service at the park. I had no way to tell her where I was or that I was waiting for her. I pull into the parking lot, easing around a car that had been pulled over by a park ranger and found a spot where I could watch for her to arrive. I'm sitting there, wondering what I'm gonna do if she doesn't show and listening to my iPod. I look in the rear view mirror at the ranger talking to the driver and realize, that's a charcoal grey sedan. Hey! It has a Harley Davidson plate on the front and there is a blond sitting in it! Did I drive past her and not even notice? I got out of my car and began walking back to where the other car and the ranger were. As I'm walking back to the car, the ranger pulls away and the door opens and there she is. She rushes over to me and I start to try to explain that I didn't realize that it was her. She isn't having any of it. She grabbed me, gave me huge hug and then kissed me. Twenty years just melted away. We chattered like monkeys, kissed some more and then walked hand in hand into the visitors center. We walked up to the counter to buy tickets for the tour, the lady behind the counter lifted her head when she saw us and immediately said "Here are two people looking for trouble." I haven't laughed so hard in months.

We toured the cave. It was pretty cool. I had no idea that the world's longest cave system (over four hundred miles of interconnected caves) was only an hour and a half away from me. The best part of the tour? At one point, we are in a giant cavern and the ranger leading the tour tells all of us (about a hundred people) that to really experience what it used to be like working in the cave (there is evidence that early man mined the caves for salts and minerals) we had to know what it was like without modern lights. So he turned them off. There, in the pitch black, with a hundred other people around us, she kissed me again. I was hooked.

So we are gonna make a go of it. She is spending most of her son's spring break with me. We have decided to go to the Jimmy Buffet concert together and then in May, I'm taking her to my favorite vacation spot in Florida. I've put in an application with a travel company hoping they can get me an assignment closer to where she lives. That way I won't have any long term commitment to a job or a residence if we don't pan out.

She tells me she loves me and I believe her. She promises that she won't hurt me again and I believe that too. I could go into what attracts me to her, but I will just say that from what I can tell, she is a polar opposite from the last person I dated. Example? I was trying to tell her that I had talked to a female friend about something and I began to go into great detail about what the emails we had traded said. She stopped me and said "why are you telling me this? That's your business, not mine, you don't have to explain anything to me." I was blown away. I'm so used to having to explain and justify every interaction that I have, I don't know any other way to act. It was a breath of fresh air.

So that's where I'm at right now. I need to find a nickname for her. Can't just keep calling her "her". I thought about RG for recycled girlfriend, but that sounds a bit insulting. In the interest of full disclosure, I told her about this blog. She thanked me for telling her, but she has no desire to read what I write here. "That's like your journal," she said. However, she might change her mind and I don't want to hurt her feelings with an insulting nickname. I will put some thought into it.

Poor Girl

2010-03-10T22:34:00.002-05:00

For some reason, I was thinking today about an apartment I had in Jackson. I had been separated from the wife for about a year and had moved into an apartment building that had very thin walls. Of course I was awakened one night by the sound of a couple in the place behind mine getting frisky. Apparently, their bed was pushed up against the common wall shared with my space. It started with a thump, then another, then began the rhythmic noise that announces a project in full swing. She was enjoying herself, I think. At least that's what it sounded like.

At first I was thinking, "good for you bro, I'm glad somebody is dipping his wick." This went on for a good bit, with me mentally cheering him on to victory. After about thirty minutes of the same thump, thump and the same moans and groans, I began to feel bad for the girl. Now, instead of thinking "hit it man!" I was saying to myself, "Cut the girl some slack! Put the horse back in the barn cowboy."

I have no idea why this particular memory is on my mind.

U.S.A.!

2010-02-28T14:45:00.002-05:00

I have olympic hockey fever. The gold medal game is in 30 minutes. I've ordered the pizza, the bourbon is ready to pour, my place on the couch is secure. I believe if Suter and Rafalski can shut down the Crosby line, the Americans have a chance. Of course Miller will have to stand on his head, but he has been hot. USA! USA! USA!

Poor Maddie

2010-02-23T21:38:00.003-05:00

My poor Maddie. My blue heeler mix did something horrible to her paw. On Sunday afternoon, the weather was so nice, I spent most of the day outside with my dogs. I brushed them well and then clipped their nails. A couple of hours later I noticed Maddie licking her right paw. She didn't want me to look at it, but when I finally got her settled, this is what I saw.Poor girl. Somehow she stripped the nail off! Her nails are black and there is nothing left on the one nail except this white, bloody stump. I didn't know what to do. Kris was a vet tech for years and she said it would get better quickly, but it isn't quick enough for me. The poor thing limps around and she has always been such an active dog, I know it's hard for her not to use it. I went and bought a toy just for her and I try to keep it clean, but I know there is no point in trying to bandage it. She would just rip it off. I feel so sorry for her.

Sunshine

2010-02-18T23:02:00.003-05:00

Good grief. My vacation was supposed to recharge my batteries. Unfortunately, no sunshine. Well, some sunshine, but little warmth. California was rainy and chilly until we drove south and then it was nice. Not Cindy's fault, her husband said "It rains ten days a year in SoCal and you are here for two of them."

New York had sunshine......and a foot of snow! I hate winter. Just hate it. Southwest is cheap as hell right now. Less than $200 round trip to Tampa. Unfortunately, my work schedule doesn't have room in it until May. Tampa should be warm in May, right.

So, I dunno if I can wait that long, but I think I'm gonna book a trip for May. A couple of days in the sun, some fishing, some reading, maybe that will help.

Adventures In Travel:NYC edition

2010-02-14T12:36:00.012-05:00

I only have myself to blame for the longest day of travel EVER! I guess I wasn't paying attention when I booked the flight from L.A. to NYC. Not only did I have a plane change in Tuscon, it then went to Chicago to take on more passengers! I left fairly early in the morning but with the three hour time change, I didn't get to my hotel until ten in the evening. I stayed at the Hudson on W. 58th Street and it was really nice. The lobby. The next day I slept in and then called my buddy Phillip. He said he was off and we could meet for lunch and beers and then later that night go to the Predators/Islanders game. He lived on the East side, so I left the hotel and walked over to Central Park to wait for him.

I met him at about noon and we went to a place called 1-2-3 Burger Shot Beer. It was three menus. Sliders, shots and beers. Pretty self explanatory. Well, numerous beers, several shots, and a couple of sliders later, we decided that we would just keep hanging out and getting our drink on until it was time for the game. But what to do in NYC in the middle of the day that was entertaining AND involved alcohol? Titties and steak! Ever since I can remember, the strip clubs in Memphis where I grew up would advertise the businessman's lunch special. Prime rib and two for one lap dances. I've heard about Scores in New York on Howard Stern's radio show,so off we go. Quite the hike, let me tell you. I'm sure the subway would have been quicker, but we were in no shape to figure out the maps. We are walking and walking and getting more and more and more jazzed about steak and titties. We finally reach our destination and what do we see? Closed. Denied! A quick check of yahoo maps showed that five blocks over there were two more strip clubs. Another walk, but worth it for titties and steak, right? Both of them closed. Apparently, in New York, the city never sleeps, but the strippers do. I couldn't believe it. Now I'm drunk, lost, in a strange city and my dreams of red meat and bare chests have been yanked away from me. We decide to keep drinking until game time, what else can we do?

So we find another bar and we are sitting there lamenting our mammary deficiency when we hit on an idea. Do we know anybody that would send us a picture of their assets? We scrambled to our phones. My options were very limited and just as I started to try to work my magic (sarcasm folks), my phone died (hence no more pictures from the rest of the day). Phillip was our only hope and he was trying to get his girlfriend to come through for us. I ordered another beer and was resigned to a life without steak and titties when Phillip tapped me on he shoulder and showed me his phone. I looked at the picture. Oh crap. I know that set.

I guess a little tangent is required here. I girl I work with has recently become single. She has targeted me and even though I have told her there is no interest on my end, she is quite rigorous in her pursuit. It doesn't take a genius to figure out how I've seen her assets.

But what do I say? It didn't seem likely that Phillip was really dating this girl, but last I heard he was was working on her for succor. Screw it. Subtle, I am not. "Dude, I know that chest, it belongs to xxxx xxxxxx!" He started laughing his ass off. "Has she been sending you pictures too? Man I have gotten some filthy stuff from her. She must surely be desperate." Before you judge us, remember that men are basically weak creatures with base needs. If Margaret Thatcher sent me a picture of her chesticles, who am I to tell her to stop? Anyway, we laughed our asses off at the expense of the poor girl for the next thirty minutes.

By this time, we needed to head out to Long Island for the hockey game. Let me tell you, if you glance at a map, Manhattan and Long Island look close in proximity, they aren't. A trip on the subway, the long island railroad, and ten a bus. An hour later we finally made. We bought some cheap tickets and settled in to our seats. It wasn't a very good game. The Islander's arena is shitty to put it mildly and the Predators played horribly. They lost the game and we had to make the long trip back. Lucky for us, they sell beer on the train platforms. Barley pops always make disappointment go down easier.

The next day I woke up to a voicemail on my phone. Southwest airlines had called, my flight for the next day had been canceled due to inclement weather. What??!!??! I looked out the window. HUGE fat snowflakes were falling. About three inches had already accumulated. I looked at the weather channel. They were expected about a foot. All of the airports up and down the Atlantic seaboard had been shut down. I got dressed and went back to Central Park. Holy cow it was beautiful!I walked around the park for an hour or so enjoying the fat snow flakes. It was like something from a postcard. There were dozens of snow men, the kids were sledding, dogs were chasing snowballs. It was worth the entire trip. Unfortunately, I didn't have the proper clothing. I was wearing my running shoes and they were soaked through and through and I was freezing.

I stumbled back toward the hotel and decided to stop and a place called The Coliseum. I don't know if this place was supposed to be an Irish pub, but both bartenders were Irish, the guy sitting next to me was Irish, and the coffees and the Shepard's pie were surely Irish. I swear they were speaking English, but I only understood every third word. It was the perfect ending to my snow day. That night, I went to Madison Square Garden to watch the predators play the Rangers. I was like night and day compare to the Nassau Coliseum where the Islanders played. A beautiful building, a great crowd and the Preds eked out a win. Thursday, I had no plans. I was not prepared for an extra day so I went down to times square to buy some more clothes. The city wasted no time clearing the snow. I went back to Central Park one more time and took a couple of pictures. I spent the rest of the day just walking around an checking things out. The next day was another travel day. It took forever to get home, but overall, I had a fantastic vacation.

Adventures In Travel:SoCal edition

2010-02-10T10:20:00.008-05:00

I'm mid trip, but I've got some time on my hands (more about that later) so I thought I'd write an update on things so far.

I arrived in L.A. without incident, Jordan and Cindy picked me up from the airport. It was raining and the temp was only a shade under sixty degrees, but anything warmer than the butt numbing temps we had in Smashville was welcome. Cindy had asked if I needed to freshen up (what? I had to check and make sure I hadn't grown a vag) or was I ready for some dinner. I responded positively to the thought of food and we met Cindy's husband at a sushi restaurant.

Now, let me just say, I like sushi and I thought I had eaten some pretty good sushi in the past, but this stuff was like manna from heaven. Each piece of fish was smooth and buttery with flavors that just exploded in your mouth. Soy sauce, wasabi, all of that stuff was unnecessary. It was just too much to describe, but now I know I have truly had good sushi. Cindy's friend Dwaine met us at the restaurant and we all went back to Cindy's pad for more drinks and some bullshitting.

In this picture I'm apparently explaining quantum mechanics to Dwaine and Cindy is completely agreeing with me (as she always does).

The next day we drove over to Long Beach. On the way, we stopped at Duke's to eat. Say what you want about Cindy, but she makes sure a fella gets fed. We ended up at an area called "The Pike". Jordan insisted that I ride the Ferris wheel there even though I begged them not to make me 'cause I don't like heights. Crap, I forgot to mention that Cindy's friends James and Vanessa met us there. Both of them are very nice people and Vanessa is quite the looker, the pictures I had seen before didn't do her justice. Here is one I took on the Ferris wheel. No wonder everybody is in love with her.

I survived my brush with death (seriously, I hate heights) and we all went to Bubba Gump's for dinner (food again, I ate like a pig). Afterwards, Vanessa had to leave us, but the rest of the group went to a place called The Mai Tai Bar. After one or two beers, I apparently went into Tucker Max mode and began to make fun of the other patrons. I hope I didn't cause to much of a scene.

The next day, we drove down to San Diego for brunch and Sea World. Brunch was at a place called Tom Hamm's Lighthouse where I promptly sexually assaulted a cannon sitting out front.Cindy and Jordan say that this is my go to pose, but I have no idea what they are talking about. After a great brunch, we did the Sea World thing. I've been to Sea World in Florida several times, but I've never seen Shamu's show. It was pretty spectacular. The orcas are beautiful and very graceful. On the way back to L.A., I was introduced to In-N-Out Burger (food!). Worth the trip. Unfortunately, by this time, I was coming down with my obligatory travel cold. I always get sick when I travel, and this trip was no exception. I tried to ward it off by taking prodigious amounts of Airborne and alcohol, but I'm guessing I didn't drink enough because by the time I got on the plane for NYC, I was blowing snot bubbles and hacking my lungs up. Sorry fellow travelers. After a long day of travel on Monday, I made it to NYC, but I'm gonna save that for the next post.

A California State of Mind

2010-02-05T09:08:00.002-05:00

I leave today on my epic adventure to Cali and NY. I stayed up until almost two last night and had intended to sleep as late as possible this morning to try and get a jump on the time difference, but the dogs were having none of that. By seven, they were dancing on my head.

I had originally planned/hoped to just take my backpack, but that has proved almost impossible. I can get everything in there, but at the cost of taking everything I normally would. So, in the interest of having warm clothes for New York, I'm packing another duffel.

The dogs are going to stay with Kris. I know she will take good care of them and with the four dogs she already has, it should be quite the party. I was going to put them in the kennel for the week, but she practically insisted, so I will give the money I would have used for the kennel to her kids. My girls will be much happier there.

No word from R. I guess she is grieving over her turtle. Ha!

I went across the street a couple of nights ago and knocked on my neighbor's door. I met them once when I first moved into the house, but haven't talked to them since. They answered the door with a flourish, each one of them cradling a Boston terrier. Not to throw labels,but they are obviously gay. I apologized for being a terrible neighbor, told them that I had forgotten their names, and re-introduced myself. I gave them my name and number and my landlord's information and asked them if they would mind keeping an eye on the place. The more flamboyant one of the two practically dropped the dog he was holding in his excitement, giving me his name and flamboyantly taking the piece of paper with my information out of my hand. He said he would be happy to watch the house and said he was going to put my number in his phone RIGHT NOW! I said thanks and turned to leave and he said "oh, oh, oh! I will call your number NOW so you will have my number too." LOL. Unfortunately, in the sixty seconds it took to wrap that conversation up, I had already forgotten his name. The contact information in my phone merely says "neighbor." Oh yeah, they both made a point of telling me that as soon as it got warm, we would get together for dinner or something. Well, to paraphrase Woody Allen, an open mind increases my chances for a date on Saturday night.

WTF?!?!?

2010-01-30T23:17:00.002-05:00

R bailed on me last minute for the hockey game (Preds won 4-3, thankyouverymuch). Her excuse? Her turtle died.

WTF? Seriously. Either that's the lamest excuse ever for backing out of a date, or she was so attached to her turtle that she couldn't stand to have human company for the night. For crying out loud. I love my dogs dearly, but if one of them died? I'm not gonna withdraw from a social event. I'm pretty sure that she sent me a message.

Why I Couldn't Sleep Last Night

2010-01-27T20:00:00.002-05:00

This is a text that was sent to me last night. It's obviously taken out of context, but it shook me up.

"I love you very much. There is not one moment I have spent with you that I see as anything other than cherished. We are definitely two of a kind and I will never let us drift apart again. Regardless of who each of us may date in he interim until we can be together, I will not let them come between me and you."

Holy cow! I love this girl, always have, but she broke my heart when we were both really young. We are separated by distance and circumstance, but even if she lived next door, I'm not sure how I would deal with this statement. By "until we can be together" she means two or three years down the road. I don't think I can put myself through the pain and anxiety of a long distance relationship for that long, particularly when she makes it clear that there will be others until our time comes.

I know she cares, but I think we are at different points in the spectrum. Should I open my heart up to her? I feel a world of hurt coming down the line. Wonder why I'm having trouble sleeping?

Surprise!

2010-01-25T19:21:00.003-05:00

Originally, I had nothing planned for the weekend. I ended up calling my buddy B Saturday morning and we met for lunch and a beer. He asked what I was doing that night because his girlfriend, S, had a friend in town from out of state and they were all going to Sambuca. I told him that I would love to go to Sambuca. The food is good and they have live music every night. Not the loud, conversation killer music, but music you can enjoy while you eat dinner and not yell at each other. I was a tad apprehensive, I didn't want the out of town friend to think this was some kind of "set up" or something. No worries, the friend was not only married, but pregnant! Everybody just relaxed and had good conversation, great food and got to listen to The Diggy Band belt out some excellent tunage (sorry, I was channeling Bill and Ted).

In the meantime, I got an email from R! I had decided that she wasn't interested and wasn't going to bug her, but she wanted to know what I was doing Sunday. We ended up going to the flea market and she showed me around her remodeled house and she took me to lunch. She is starting to grow on me a little and agreed to go the hockey game with me again next weekend (I actually gave her a choice between dinner and hockey and she choose hockey! Saaaweeeet!). She was sending signals I believe. Things like leaning in to talk, touching me to make her point. I wasn't 100% confident though, so when we said goodbye, I chickened out on stealing a kiss, but maybe there will be other opportunities.

In other news, my old friend continues to call and text. It was all very light until we got into a serious conversation yesterday. She apologized for breaking up with me years ago and said it was a decision she always regretted, but she was young and selfish and didn't realize what a mistake it was until she got older. I told her that it was a long time ago and we are completely different people, so she shouldn't feel bad about it. I think we both got some closure and are much closer friends for it.

I finally found a place to stay in NYC. The whole trip is coming up fast and Cindy seems to be getting together quite the crowd. I may be in over my head with this bunch, but I'm going to give it my best effort. I just hope I can keep up.

Can't Sleep

2010-01-20T00:54:00.002-05:00

I can't sleep so I guess I will write a little bit. Things have been calm. Kris has dialed everything way back. It's a much more comfortable situation. I haven't heard from L since before Christmas, which is fine. R and I have traded a couple of emails, I asked her to go to the park with me and the dogs, but she said she was busy. I got the impression that she isn't very interested. I didn't think there were fireworks or anything when we went out, but I kinda thought she was interested in getting to know me. So that's a little disappointing.

I leave for California in a couple of weeks. I hope Cindy doesn't find it a chore entertaining me for a couple of days. I'm in a quandary about how to pack and what to take. The temps in California are bound to be a lot warmer than they are in New York. I wanted to travel light, but I'm beginning to see that may be impossible. Speaking of New York, I haven't settled on a place to stay. The hostels run about $45 a night, which is dirt cheap, but it's hard to find anybody online with anything super positive to say about them. I'm gonna try and priceline some hotels this weekend. I will have the two hockey games while I'm there and I'm going to try and go to the Statue of Liberty and catch a matinee on Broadway. I also had forgotten that a buddy I used to work with is on travel assignment there, so we are gonna grab a beer.

I've been talking a lot to an old friend. It gives me the warm and fuzzies, but I know that she isn't going to ever be more than a friend. We haven't seen each other in twenty years and are completely different people now. Not to mention the fact that she lives a couple of states away, so even if she wasn't currently in a relationship, it's not like dating is a possibility. I'm not sure why she calls me so much. I don't mind, but I wonder what she is getting out of it.

I feel like I'm drifting a lot of the time with no direction or purpose. Emotionally, I'm not torn up all of the time anymore, but I still miss my old life. Everyday, something reminds me of how much everything has changed for me in the last six months. I'm just sad most of the time.

Love

2010-01-14T18:55:00.002-05:00

Somebody that has been very important to me in the past told me "I love you" today. Our time is long gone, we can't go back to our halcyon days, but it still gave me a little thrill and made my day. It's always good to know that there are people out there that do care and care enough to not be afraid to say it.

I have thought about her fondly over the years. There was a period of time when I was never more relaxed and at peace than I was with her. Unfortunately, we lost contact a time or two, our paths diverging to separate goals, but when I talk to her, it's like she has always been there. She is and always will be a special person to me and I'm glad that she loves me.

I Remember

2010-01-10T02:01:00.002-05:00

I've been having trouble sleeping again. I can't explain it. My life is fairly drama free. What little drama there is has been easy to eliminate. Since I told her to stop contacting me, I don't have anything constantly reminding me, and yet my thoughts seem to constantly turn to her. It just occurred to me as I'm typing this that the day has turned and it's the tenth of the month. Could that be my problem?

It's so sad. I had another person tell me "Just call her and tell her you want her back." I have to explain that it doesn't matter what I want, only what she wants and she doesn't want me.

I found myself in front of the mirror a couple of days ago, chewing her a new one. Telling her that she is trailer trash, an inconsiderate, flaky, egotistical piece of work that didn't deserve to be happy. I caught myself and thought, "Are you finally cracking up? Your venting your anger at the mirror."

Then the last two days I keep thinking about all that we did and experienced together. The night I showed her Saturn's rings through my telescope. Sharing a cigar on the back deck. Holding her on the aft deck of a cruise ship at night, her hair blowing in my face, the light of the moon eclipsed by the smile she had for me. Her laugh as we watched Flutag on the shore of the river. Her sigh as I played with her hair. The memories hurt much more than they help. I always thought there would be more.

Now I know she is making new memories that don't include me. I know that she is happy and that hurts me to the core. She told me once that she hurt too. Maybe she did, but there is no way she can know how bad I hurt. Tonight, my spirit is crushed.

Sushi Nazi Revisited

2010-01-08T00:02:00.002-05:00

I ate at Sam's Sushi Tuesday night. I usually manage to stay on his good side, but on this particular night, I crossed a line. I was stuffing my face and chatting with my date when Sam came from behind the counter, walked to our table, picked up my little container of soy sauce off of the table and put it back on my plate. "That's why I put your sushi on a plate, so you don't make such a mess," he said.

I felt chastised.

Wow!

2010-01-06T16:49:00.002-05:00

On a date with R, we were walking toward our destination when her phone rang. She said "I'm sorry." She took her phone out and turned it off, saying "I'll call them back later." and that was the last I saw of her phone. Wow. Major points.

Integrity

2010-01-04T21:15:00.002-05:00

I think I'm starting to drink to much! I got hammered New Year's Eve so I spend the next day recovering from that. Saturday, I went to the hockey game. Preds win! Afterwards, I met up with some fellow bloggers that happened to be in town. Result? I got hammered again! So Sunday was spent with a huge head ache and a queasy stomach. Totally worth it. I got to see some really, really nice things and had a chance to talk with some different people.

That night, when I got home (around 2 a.m.), Kris texted me wanting to talk. I was drunk, but she insisted. The long and short is that she has decided we are on the same page again. *sigh* She wants to go right back to where we were, but I have second thoughts. It seems to me that I don't need the drama of constantly wondering when she is gonna freak out again. I dunno.

I had been talking to an old friend and was telling her about my trip in February. She sounded kind of jealous and talked about how much she liked to travel and had never been to New York. Today, it hit me. Ask her to go! It really isn't a big deal. Two friends hanging out, having a good time on a mini vacation. I sent her an email and gave her the details. She wrote me back saying that she would LOVE to go, but her boyfriend wouldn't like it and she was sure if she was in the reverse situation, she probably wouldn't like it either. I was disappointed, but how refreshing! Somebody that respects their relationship enough to put aside something she would love to do because it wouldn't be healthy for her relationship. I'm actually glad she said no. I respect her so much more.

Happy New Year

2010-01-01T00:30:00.002-05:00

I keep thinking of the time I drove up to the hospital at midnight because she was working, just to meet her at the back door to give her a New Year's Eve kiss.

Weekend Update

2009-12-27T09:59:00.002-05:00

After a long, hard (ha, I said long and hard in the same sentence) week of work, I found myself on call Christmas Eve and Day. Not the end of the world considering my relationship status. I worked late on the Eve and went in for a little while on the Day. It helped keep me distracted. Loot? I got some underwear, a check from my Dad and my sister sent me a nice shirt from the Gap. Nothing too exciting, but at least I don't have to get out in the traffic to return stuff that I don't want or doesn't fit.

Saturday was pretty productive. I took the dogs to the park. They haven't been walked or had the chance to play in almost a week. It was a little muddy, but they didn't make to much of a mess. Note to self: I really need to clean the back seat of my car. I HAD to have a haircut, but apparently December 26 is a national holiday for most barbers. Had to settle for a new guy. I thought he was gonna croak the entire time he was cutting my hair. I kept thinking "chief, when you die, don't lean forward with the clippers please." I went to the gym for an hour and then to the hockey game that night.

L ended up being out of town, so I didn't take her to the game. Not a big loss. There is something about her that doesn't sit right with me anyway. I asked R to go instead. This was our first time out and I was fairly impressed. She is a baseball fan, so even though she is new to hockey, she asked appropriate questions about the game. I think she was yanking my chain when she said "can I just root for the hotties on the team?" She got points for drinking a beer at a sporting event (each type of alcohol has an appropriate venue in my opinion, wine is for dinner, liquor is for bars, beer at sporting events) and then got a bonus point for finishing hers before I finished mine. She only had one, so it's also nice to know that her liver is probably in decent shape. At one point in the game, the Preds turned over the puck and I loudly said "Fudge" trying to be polite and gentlemanly. She looked at me out of the corner of her eye and said "you can do better than that" and then made a comment about how one of the cheerleaders had great tits and a great ass so she must be deficient somewhere else. That put me at ease because I knew I didn't have to watch my language or my twisted sense of humour with her.

I took her home and she was in no hurry to get out of the car. We sat and chatted in her driveway for another thirty minutes. I believe that's a sign that she isn't completely disgusted by me, which is nice because I think I'd like to see her again. Any girl that likes baseball and drinks beer is ok in my book, even if she is a Red Sox fan.

Today, I desperately need to clean house and do laundry. The dogs really should get a bath as well, but that is such an event. I'm not sure I will get to it.

I work four days straight again this week, but no call for New Years Eve. I'm not really a New Years kinda fella anyway. It always feels like just a bunch of power drinkers when I go out, so I will probably stay home.

A Pretty Tame Weekend

2009-12-20T09:45:00.003-05:00

I was pretty tired from work Friday night, so I just kinda chilled out, iced my back and watched TV. Saturday I went to the gym and ran a couple of miles while I watched the Preds beat Calgary on the tube. Watching hockey really makes the time on the treadmill pass fast, but when Pete Weber, the on air color man, referred to a missed Flames goal as "premature flaming" I almost fell off the damn treadmill laughing so hard.

I had a date Saturday night. I took her to Allium for dinner and was pleasantly surprised. I had bacon/pear cream sauce gnocchi for starters and finished with chicken and pistachio pasta. Interesting use of pistachio. We then went back to my place to watch movies, until we both got sleepy and she went home. She's interesting in a "we have the same sense of humor" kind of way, but once again, no chemistry on my end. I'm gonna give her one more try next Saturday and take her to the hockey game, but I don't think she is what I'm looking for in a partner.

I've finished my Christmas shopping, such as it was. Everything is mailed or ordered. I can't complain this year. I didn't really have much to do. Bright side to everything I guess. Christmas week will be long for me. I work four tens in a row and then finish it off by being on call Christmas Eve and Christmas Day. Again, the bright side is that I won't have much time to feel sorry for myself.

On a more down note, my golden retriever, Daisy, has found something very, very smelly in the back yard that she likes to get into. I've watched her several times when I've let her out, and of course she never goes to it when I'm watching her. It's getting to the point were I have to give her a sponge bath every time I let her out. I tell her that she's being bad, but she just wags her tell and says "but I smell so good."

What? Tuesday Already?

2009-12-14T22:29:00.002-05:00

I'm winding down a long four day weekend. I tried to stay busy. Actually had a couple of dates, neither anything to get excited about and went to a dinner party on Sunday. It turned out that I was the only male that showed up! At first glance, that would seem to be a good thing, right? But when the conversation is dominated by women, it tends to get uninteresting. Men never debate the merits of Mariah Carey's Christmas album!

I'm doing ok I guess. Friday was a rough day, but every day gets a little better. I still have quite a bit of Christmas shopping to do and the really sucky part about it is that I have to mail everything so I need to wrap this up pretty quick. I wonder how late I can put stuff in the mail and still expect it to be there by Christmas.

This will be a long couple of weeks for me. I work four days this week, get the weekend off then work four days in a row next week and it ends with me being on call Christmas Eve and Day. It will be my first Christmas alone, ever, but I'm gonna try to make the best of it and spend some quality time with my dogs. They are getting quite a bit of attention lately.

Yep

2009-12-10T18:43:00.001-05:00

Four years ago tonight I kissed her for the first time. It wasn't worth it.

And So It Goes

2009-12-06T20:22:00.002-05:00

I've mentioned Kris here once or twice. I've been going out with her for a couple of months. She is sweet, kind, laid back, attractive, hard working and has a great sense of humour. As a bonus, she loves my dogs and often brings them treats when she comes over, or at least when she used to come over.

We were supposed to go to her job's Christmas party yesterday, but around noon she sent me an email. Basically she was asking if I was interested in being more than buddies. She said she would feel silly if she thought we were dating and I didn't.

I have always been determined to be honest with her. From the very beginning I told her that it was probably too soon for me to be dating, that my head was some place else. So I told her the truth. I said I thought we were dating because we went out on dates, but, in spite of all of the fun that we have and how much I enjoy her company, I just didn't feel that "spark". You know, the feeling you have when you just can't get enough of somebody. Chemistry I guess.

She took it hard. I've known for a while that she feels differently about me than I do about her. It's been pretty obvious and others have commented on it. She canceled our plans for Saturday night and said she would call me later in the week. I'm not really broken up over it, which says a lot, but I feel bad for hurting her feelings. I know what it's like.

I think I did the right thing. The alternative would have been to basically lie to her and tell her what I knew she wanted to hear. But that would have been disastrous down the road. I hope she finds the person she deserves.

I'm So Happy I Can't Stop Crying

2009-12-06T13:41:00.000-05:00

Drinking Alone Makes Me Sad

2009-12-04T22:40:00.002-05:00

I had a pretty long day at work and my plan for the evening was to have a drink, watch the hockey game and write an amusing anecdote about a trip to Six Flags with my parents when I was a kid.

Well, the bourbon and coke was very strong and it wasn't long before the blues kicked into gear, so I'm going to write about how sad I really am.

I miss so much. I miss her waking up and coming to me all sleepy for her morning hug. I miss the excitement of shopping for her for Christmas. I miss her goofy little dance when she is singing along to her music. I miss the face she makes when somebody mentions Taylor Swift. I miss her tucking me in at night. I miss kissing her after a goal is scored at the hockey game. I miss seeing her smile. I miss her smell. I miss feeling like I belonged to somebody. I miss her pestering me about the next vacation when we haven't taken the one we paid for yet. I miss feeling good about myself when I fix something for her. I miss her saying "oopsie." I miss her love. I miss all of this and more.

I have to keep telling myself that no matter how much I miss her, she is gone. Never coming back. I don't think I've ever been this sad.

Long Weekend

2009-11-29T14:54:00.002-05:00

A good four day weekend what with Thanksgiving and all. Thanksgiving day wasn't much to talk about. It was the first Thanksgiving I can remember spending alone. My sister took her family to the beach and I just didn't have it in me to drive to my Mom's so I could sit and listen to her bitch about everybody, so I just stayed home. Thanksgiving dinner? Ramen noodles, thankyouverymuch. I did take the dogs to the park and Maddie went nuts chasing another blue heeler mix. The girls enjoyed it very much.

Friday, Kris and I went to the hockey game. I took her to the suite level club for dinner first. Funny thing, they renamed the club the "Patron Platinum Club." I told the waiter that it sounded like a strip joint. He looked a little uncomfortable, but in a low tone, agreed with me. The Preds lost to St. Louis, breaking a seven game winning streak, but I had a good time.

Saturday, Kris and I went to dinner at Macaroni Grill before going to see the movie "2012." It was ok, the special effects were great, but it was one of those movies where the whole time I was thinking "that's not how it would happen." Just couldn't suspend belief.

Today is laundry day. Took the girls back to the park, but it was kinda overcast and there was a light on and off rain. Maddie must be sore. She sorta limped around a bit, only half heartedly chasing the other dogs.

Taking it one day at a time and trying to stay out of trouble.

Bang, Bang, Bang Bang

2009-11-26T00:10:00.004-05:00

I have been rockin' out to this song! Bang, bang, bang, bang!

I've got a four day weekend. I will be spending Thanksgiving alone for the first time in a long, long time, but that's ok. Friday, I'm going to the Preds/Blues game. Nashville is on a roll, winning seven in a row. I guess I'll take the puppies to the dog park tomorrow and try to stay busy.

What A Week!

2009-11-21T09:18:00.005-05:00

It was a long week, but I made it. I had to work four ten hour shifts in a row for the third week in a row. I went to two hockey games, the Preds played the Sharks and the Devils. Both teams had the best record in there perspective conferences, but the Preds didn't back down. They manhandled the Sharks on Tuesday and beat the Devils in a shootout on Thursday. A good week for hockey.

On a down note, I finally broke all contact with the ex. It's not like I've talked to her on the phone and I haven't seen her at all since August except for the one day at work, but she would text me once a week or so. It was usually small talk, which I had no interest in hearing or something backhanded. Last week she sent me a text thanking me for always making her birthdays special. I texted her back and told her that she was welcome, but my heart was ripped apart by that statement. I made her birthdays so special that she broke up with me for somebody else. I thought I might be overly sensitive about it, but I talked to a few other people about it and one of them responded with "geeze....twisting that knife. Sorry." so I knew I wasn't the only one to see it that way. I decided that I couldn't keep letting her make me feel that way, so when she texted me on Wednesday to say thanks for calling an old co-worker and reassuring her about a procedure she was having, I told her Happy Birthday and said that I needed to talk to her. She asked if I was at work. I replied yes, but I would be home at five-thirty. She texted back and said she didn't know if she would be able to call then, but would soon. Here is where things get ugly for me. My definition of soon apparently differs from hers. I put soon at somewhere in the next twenty-four hours or so. I didn't hear from her that night. Fine. Everybody is busy with work and such. In the meantime, I talked to a somebody that is friends with both of us about it. I wanted to find a nice way to tell the ex that it was hurting me too much to talk to her. Long story short (too late huh?) I'm told there is no rush, the ex would be out of town for the weekend and has said she would talk to me when she got back. News to me. Count 'em. Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, then Sunday. So for some people soon means in the next five or six days.

This bothered me for a couple of reasons. First, it meant I would get to spend the whole weekend stewing over it. Not fun. Second, when somebody tells me that they need to talk to me, I don't put them off for almost a week. I assume that it's important enough to spare ten minutes or so in my busy schedule. So I sent her an email. I hate doing that sort of thing by email. It smacks of cowardice, but I wasn't going to let what I needed to say bang around in my head all weekend. So after I let Jiminy peruse the email to make sure that I wasn't being psycho, I sent it. I asked her to not text me, call me, or try to see me. I told her to leave me alone. I will still miss her, but I don't really know her anymore anyway so I'm no worse off. Maybe now, the wounds can heal.

Good Weekend

2009-11-16T22:47:00.003-05:00

I'll start in the middle with how this weekend went. I went to the Predators game with a girl from work and her family on Saturday. Her husband was pleasant and the two little girls were well behaved (a huge compliment from me as far as kids go) and the hockey game was great! The Preds played their first complete game of the season, driving hard to the net and protecting their own goal for all three periods. A great win and a very good night.

Friday, I took a date to Macke's using the gift card mentioned in the previous post. The gumbo was great, but other than that I was not overly impressed. Still, it was nice to get dressed up and get out of the house. Thanks to the patient that gave me the gift card.

Sunday, I made black bean soup and watched 28 Days Later again. A pretty decent zombie movie, but not as good as I remembered it.

All and all, a pretty good weekend with minimal drama and plenty of relaxation.

Upcoming Fun!

2009-11-12T22:38:00.002-05:00

A patient that I had taken care of about a month ago came back through the unit yesterday. He gave me a thank you card with a gift certificate in it for a restaurant called "Macke's". (Yes, I checked with my manager, he said it was ok if I kept it.) So tomorrow, that's where I'm going for dinner. It looks very good and hopefully it will meet my expectations.

Last week, a girl I work with asked if I could get her tickets for her and her husband to the Montreal game this week. I took care of it, but then she came back to me this week and said her kids were throwing a fit because they weren't getting to go and could I get her two more tickets near the first two. I took care of that. So today, we were working in the same room and she was talking about how excited she was about the game and she asked me if I was going to be there. I told her "No, I didn't get those tickets in the split, which is a shame." She gives me a look and says "You're funny like my husband, why don't you see if you can get a ticket near ours and go with us?" I'm not sure what she meant by "funny" but I called the account rep, again, and asked her for another ticket, again. So now I have something to do Saturday night too. It's shaping up to be a pretty good weekend.

Oh.

2009-11-10T01:32:00.001-05:00

I just realized that it was the tenth of the month. Wonder if that's why I can't sleep.

Adventures In Travel

2009-11-06T08:13:00.002-05:00

Normally, this time of year, I would be planning some surprise getaway for the ex. It will be her birthday soon and I always tried to make it special. One year was Vegas and Zumanity. The next was Denver with skiing and Monday Night Football. Last year was New York and Mamma Mia on Broadway.

So, with no need to make plans this November, I found myself with a bit of wanderlust and a significant amount of extra cash.

I have never minded travelling by myself, but I'm not much for just sitting on a beach somewhere without a purpose. As I looked over the schedule for the Nashville Predators, I noticed that in February, they played the New York Islanders on a Wednesday night and the Rangers the next day. Perfect. I'll blow into the city and catch two hockey games, one at Madison Square Garden! I did some preliminary checking with Southwest and discovered a sale! OOOOHHHHH. Two hundred bucks round trip? Too cheap. I had plenty of time and plenty of scratch, so what else could I do?

California? Cindy had put a bug in my ear a while back about coming out so she and her husband could buy me a beer or two. Why not? I had never been to Southern California and the prospect of friendly faces showing me around was pretty attractive. Airfare to Cali? Also two Benjamins. But wait. Why fly back to Nashville? So, after getting in touch with Cindy and inviting myself to crash at her place, I settled on flying from Nashville to L.A., from L.A. to New York, then back to Nashville. Total cost? About three hundred and forty smackaroos. I'm quite the jet setter!

I have my airfare, now I have to find a place to stay in New York for a couple of nights. Those two nights of hotels threaten to double the cost of my little trip. Expedia advertises hostels for twenty-five bucks. I'm thinking about throwing everything in the back pack and going on the cheap. No reason to spend money if I don't have to, right? The kennel for my dogs could also take a big chunk of change. Gotta figure that out. All and all, I'm pretty juiced about the whole shebang.

Happy Halloween!

2009-11-03T06:28:00.002-05:00

For the first time in forever I put on a costume last Saturday and went out for Halloween. I went as a cow. Teats and all. Why do people feel the need to grab teats that aren't covered? Several of us went out to eat in costume, there was a cow, a Tigger, an Indian princess, and an evil jester. Then we went to the hockey game and watched the Preds smack down the Stars. The fellas played with some heart!

Afterwards, we went to the big bang and had a blast. Some dude dressed as Queen Elizabeth kept grabbing my teats! Luckily I was too trashed to care. How trashed? The next morning when I walked the dogs, I found my wallet in the front yard.

India

2009-10-31T00:11:00.003-04:00

A co-worker invited me to a party tonight. She lived in California for a length of time and to me is the the stereotypical Californian. It was an eclectic party to say the least, with yogis, musicians, and an Indian cooking the food. I pushed my boundaries a bit and tried some edibles that I wouldn't normally think of eating. It was good, but nothing I'd crave. Memorable personalities? 5 second Bob (not his real name). He'd start telling you a story or showing you something on his cell phone and suddenly he would go "wait a second" and then he'd wonder off to start a conversation with somebody else. Thirty minutes later he would show back up and start a brand new conversation. I finally turned to the girl next to me (a yoga instructor) and said "Is he a little distracted?" She agreed. I had a good time, but when the drums and gourds and sitars came out, I excused myself and went home. It was good to meet different people, but it makes me think that I'm not ready for some things.

Dexter

2009-10-25T21:49:00.001-04:00

Best season of Dexter ever! The Trinity Killer storyline just keeps getting better and better. Watch it!

Another Weekend

2009-10-24T12:10:00.003-04:00

I don't know why this week seemed to stretch out forever. Work was either hit or miss. One day we would be slow and it would take an eternity to put in my ten hours, the next day we would be slammed and I would barely have time to take a breath or micturate. To make things worse, my lower back has been killing me. I knew it was from wearing the heavy lead all day and I finally broke down and went to see a chiropractor. I never put much stock in chiropractors, but I knew that if I went to a doctor, he would either do nothing or give me drugs.
So, it turns out that I have something called spondylolisthesis. One of my lower vertebrae has slipped forward a bit. The chiro said it was probably from when I was younger and in gymnastics. It's very mild and I would probably never notice it except when I've been wearing heavy lead all day. The posterior portion of the bones rub against one another and become inflammed. Then the pain radiates to my buttocks and upper thigh on the right. So, he's working my back, trying to get it in better alignment and I'm trying to exercise my core muscles and I'm icing my back every day when I get home from work. Things are a little better, but if I can't get major improvement, eventually I will have to change jobs I think.
I don't really have anything to do this weekend. I'm going to the gym today, then I guess I will clean and watch UT get slaughtered by Alabama. The Preds play in Chicago tonight, but for some reason, it isn't on TV. Hopefully I can stay busy.

Missed Opportunity

2009-10-18T08:30:00.003-04:00

It's suddenly turned cold here. Cold for me at least. After a week of rain and mid sixties temps, it became overcast and mid forties. I wanted to get out of the house and asked Kris if she wanted to go see the Nashville Rollergirls. Nothing like taking a date to roller derby! We decided to go to dinner first, so we stopped off at The Yellow Porch. Always good, the gnocchi melted in my mouth! After dinner, we went over to the fair grounds for roller derby. The Nashville Rollergirls!
We had to park a bazillion miles away. I thought it was because there was a dog show at the fair grounds the same night (as evidenced by the van with "Chinese Crested Club of Nashville painted on the side). So we trudged up the hill in the cold and went inside. A huge crowd was cheering and from what we could see it looked like a blast. I went over to the ticket window only to see "SOLD OUT". Denied! Kris tried to talk our way inside, but no luck. I don't know about her, but I was extremely disappointed.

On to plan B. Kris came up with the idea of going to a haunted house. We picked the "Slaughter House."
Haunted houses usually don't do much for me, but let me tell you, there is one dark room there that you walk into and a strobe light flashes once. You see Jason standing in one corner of the room and think "ok, there he is, I know where the noise and scare is going to come from." The lights immediately go back out and you keep moving into the room, then the light flashes again. The sonuvabitch isn't in the corner any more! The light goes back out and you know you are in the room with this guy, but you don't know where he is! That really made my heart beat two or three times faster!

I took her home and met all of her dogs and kids. She is a lot of fun, I just wish I was in a better place to date. She seems to have a lot of patience and doesn't mind when I seem to me lost in thought, so we are planning on going out Halloween night. She is definitely a welcome distraction.

All Over Again

2009-10-14T18:56:00.002-04:00

I looked up from the patient I was seeing in the ER and unexpectedly, there she was. She waved and said "Hi". I replied "hey". And my heart broke all over again.

Why Do I Do This To Myself

2009-10-14T01:17:00.003-04:00

So here I am. 12:18 in the morning and once again I can't sleep. My mind won't shut down. I've tried reading until I'm sleepy, but the minute the lights go out, I think of all the things I should have done, the things I want to do. I have a fantasy of confronting her, telling her that there is a reason that people in her life pray for bad things to happen to her. When she was with me, she would go through these periods when she would be upset or cry because she thought people were spending time wishing her ill. I think I'm beginning to understand why she struggled with those thoughts. If I had done the things she has done, I would have a guilty conscience too. The lying, the cheating, the hypocrisy. Not just me. It has been a repeating pattern in her life which is quite a paradox. She constantly worries that people don't like her and yet she constantly does things that hurt the people that care about her the most. I'd like to say that she needs serious help, but in her reality, she is the victim. Nothing is her fault.

I had a serious breakdown in will power a couple of days ago. I had gone almost a month without really talking to her. Our interaction was very sparse and consisted of the bare minimum contact needed to tie up some loose ends. I had a moment when I was thinking about her and the emotion was neither the rage nor the sadness that I had been experiencing for the last couple of months. So, like a fool, I texted her and told her. It's my fault, I tried to keep it light and in doing so, I half jokingly invited her over. She responded by telling me that "she was with someone now and I should respect it. How would I have felt if she had been propositioned by exes when she was with me."

I half heartedly pointed out that very thing had occurred on several occasions that I knew about, and probably more that I didn't. What I was thinking was "gee, didn't the person you are with now, proposition you while you were with me and you went away to Vegas with them anyway?" Where was my respect? Didn't she have a "friend" tell her that they wanted to fuck her and she kept being their friend? Where was my respect then? Didn't she have me shake hands with a man at a football game only to have me find out later that she was trading pictures and explicit emails with him? Where was my respect when that was happening?

No where. I never got any respect. She never valued our relationship. I see now that I was a stepping stone. Somebody to play with until something bigger and better in her eyes came along.

At this point, probably what bothers me the most, is this new friend is getting everything that I never got. Respect. Devotion. Trust. I got a facade. A smoke screen. I got accusations and games. While she was snooping through my computer and making up reasons to pick fights and accuse me of cheating, she was being flattered by "friends" wanting to sleep with her and planning trysts with her. I'm willing to bet she sees nothing wrong with this.

I blame myself for this sleepless night. I should have enjoyed my nice thought of her and let it go. I should have let a sleeping dog lie.

*Edit* It's six a.m. and as I tossed and turned last night, getting zero sleep, I tried to figure out why everything bothers me so much. I have to face an ugly truth. If I'm going to be honest with myself, I have to face the fact that if she asked me today, I'd take her back.

No Hangover?

2009-10-11T09:33:00.004-04:00

Wow. I'd say I drank a gallon of beer yesterday! I went over to Oktoberfest in Germantown. First of all, it's great being five minutes from downtown. You spend more time looking for a parking place than you do driving to the event. Germantown is right at the edge of downtown on the north side. I could see the Nashville skyline the entire time I was quaffing huge amounts of barley pops. How huge? A liter at a time huge. Actually I started off with a regular sized 12 oz. to wash down my brat and German potato salad, but the lines were so long I switched to the liter stein just to gut down wait time. The Long Players were on stage doing the Stones classic album "Sticky Fingers", it was overcast and sixty degrees, I was full of beer and surrounded by new friends. A good afternoon.

In the evening, I had tickets to the Preds game. It was a hard fought match with the Sabres getting the first goal of the game with only three minutes left. Pekka turned away forty of forty-one shots in a losing effort. Still, with a couple more beers in my gullet, I enjoyed every minute of it.

It seems my sports world has been turned upside down. The Cardinals got swept in the divisional playoffs, the Preds lose their first game of the season and yet, somehow, the Vols put together a 45-19 win over Georgia. Impressive.

Also impressive? No hangover today. Just a serious case of beer breath! The dogs don't seem to mind.

Pretty Good Weekend

2009-10-05T23:27:00.004-04:00

Saturday, after my friend and her boyfriend had finished getting their gear moved into their new condo, they called and asked if I wanted to grab some dinner and a beer. Since the Calypso Cafe closed early for some reason, we went into The Red Door Saloon.About half way through my first Guinness (on tap, thankyouverymuch), we strike up a conversation with one of the regulars. Turns out he lives in the same condos that my friends, S and B, have their place. He goes on and on, telling us about the bar until finally he asks us if we know about the Red Door's secret. Of course we don't. He offers to show us. We were pretty hesitant at first, you kinda have to assume a position that brings to mind prison rape to learn the secret, but once seen, it's pretty frickin' neat!

After I left S and B, I went home and watched the Preds beat the Stars in a shootout! Great first game. Fantastic way to start the season.
Sunday was spent watching the Titans lose again! Pathetic. I think I'm giving up on them for the season. I don't see them beating either the Colts or the Patriots in the next two games, so that puts them at 0-6 to begin the season. Definitely time to focus on hockey.

Already?

2009-10-03T08:54:00.003-04:00

How is it the weekend already? On one hand it kinda snuck up on me, on the other hand I can feel those four days in a row that I worked in my back.

I'm a little disappointed, there was some small talk about me going to Vegas to hang out with Cindy, but damn last minute airfare is a joke. I would have felt like I was imposing anyway.

Had a date this past week, Kris is her name. Somebody asked me what she was like, I said BBB. Big, blond, and boisterous! She is taller than me and her heritage is Scandinavian, so she is retina burning blond. She is loud and spontaneous which means we spend our time trying to talk over each other or out crazy each other. It's a hoot AND a holler! We are on the same page, I think, with what we are looking for right now, which makes it easy.

We went to see Zombieland last night.I thought it was great! Especially when Tallahassee(Woody Harrelson) calls his travel companion, Columbus, a "peppy little spit fuck." Not really a horror flick, but not strictly a comedy either. It's got something for the whole family! Go see it! Now! You peppy little spit fucks!

Today, I'm waiting for a phone call from a girl I used to work with at my old job. Her and her boyfriend are moving around the corner from me! I told them I'd help if they needed it, but I think they have a moving company take care of most of it. I'm going over for the free beer! It will be nice to have somebody close to go have a post work beer with.

Finally, hockey season opened this week. The Preds play their first game tonight against Dallas. The first home game I'm going to see is next Saturday and I can't wait! I ordered a new jersey, but it hasn't come in yet. Soon I hope.

An Interesting Five Day Weekend

2009-09-28T19:15:00.005-04:00

Nothing turns out quite like you expect it to, ya know. Thursday went pretty much as planned. I joined the YMCA around the corner. It was much nicer on the inside than the outside as well as much larger. I got in a good workout and felt pretty good the rest of the day. That night, I went to Dan McGuiness with a couple of co-workers and knocked back a couple of black and tans.

Friday morning, I worked out again, but the only thing I had to do that evening was meet Cindy around three at the airport. Turned out that L, whom I went to high school with, was driving to Nashville to fly to Denver for the weekend and her plane was gonna leave at three. So, plans were made to meet her first for a drink, then put her on a plane and meet Cindy for the drink I owed her (lost bet). When I got the airport at about two, I texted and asked if she was still up for it. She said she wasn't going to be able to work it out, so I wished her a safe trip and settled into Tootsie's for a beer.

It was good to see Cindy. We chatted a bit, she drank her Citron and tonic and tried to take a couple of pictures of us (I think I looked terrible, but I don't blame her skills). I look at my watch and say we should get her to security, but she hits me back with "Oh, there is plenty of time." We finish our drinks and I walk her to the concourse, give her a hug and wave her off to Florida. Let the shenanigans begin.

I'm walking out of the airport when my phone rings. It's L and she asks, "are you still here?" I say that I'm just walking out and she tells me that her flight has been delayed and they are saying that she will miss her connecting flight in Minnesota. They don't seem to sure if it's a weather problem or a mechanical problem. She has decided not to go, because she doesn't want to get stranded. I say "great, we can go do something. Dinner and drinks maybe." That's when things get really interesting. She tells me that the friend that was traveling (but flew out already on a different airline) with her has her car keys. I ask a few questions and not only does she have her car keys, but for some reason, L decided to check her luggage with her girlfriend's, so she has nothing but her phone and her wallet. L says she can probably catch a ride back to Memphis on Sunday. (side note, I suggested getting another key, but she didn't want to strand her friend that was coming back on Tuesday). Being the nice guy that I am, I immediately offer refuge at my house. Suddenly I have a house guest all weekend!

In the meantime, I get a text from Cindy telling me that the entire plane was waiting on her! They were paging her overhead. Nice. I hate to say I told you so, but I told you so. Then she got in trouble for using her phone on the plane. Poor Cindy.

I have to take L to Wal-Mart so she can buy a toothbrush, drawers, make up, etc. It's pretty interesting to see what a woman considers absolutely essential for two days!

It was nice to have somebody to talk to, but the poor girl snores like a freight train. Her little 95 lb frame puts out enough noise to rival a herd of stampeding elephants. We hung out, went to go see "The Informant" (it sucked) and had dinner with a friend of ours and his wife Saturday night. Sunday rolls around and it turns out that her ride to Memphis hasn't come through. Again, being the nice guy that I am, I offer to take her back. She managed to get somebody to meet us in Jackson, which is about half way, so that wasn't too bad. Poor girl. I haven't talked to her since. I hope she got her car back.

Today, I worked out again and went downtown for lunch. A decent weekend, but it just goes to show, the best laid plans of mice and men oft go awry!

Five Days Off

2009-09-23T23:51:00.002-04:00

I have the next five days off. Originally, I asked for the time off to go to Florida with the ex, but after she dumped me, obviously I wasn't going. She still is. She's gonna take the new friend on our trip.

Meanwhile, I'm stuck with the time off and no useful way to use it. So, I'm gonna try to come up with some things to do.

Thurs. I think I'm gonna join the Y. It's close, I need the exercise, and it will get me out of the house. Then, in the evening, some folks from work are going down to the local watering hole. I guess I'm in since I can't think of something more constructive to do.

Fri. The only thing I have on tap is to try to catch Cindy between flights and pay her the drink I lost when UCLA beat Tennessee. It will be tricky and not a for sure thing. She is actually on the way to Florida as well to meet up with the ex, her new friend and another friend. Confusing, huh? Cindy is friends with the ex, but has also been a good friend to me since the break up. In fact, I'm probably more upset about the fact that I'm missing out on spending time with Cindy than not getting to go to Florida. Anyway, I need to make some phone calls and see if anybody wants to have a beer or two Friday night.

Sat. I've decided to do the heart walk here in Nashville. A bunch of us from work bought matching t-shirts and are planning on taking our dogs. That should cover a couple of hours. I have tickets to the pre-season hockey game that night, but nobody to go with me. We'll have to see.

Sun. Laundry and house cleaning?

Mon. Ummmm. nothing.

So I guess I need some suggestions, it would be a shame to waste five days off/

What Does She Expect?

2009-09-21T22:41:00.002-04:00

We got our season tickets for hockey last week. Originally, she had promised that we would still go to the games together since hockey was our thing. I was skeptical and she proved me right once again. Claiming she couldn't bear to be way from her new friend for three hours (let's see, three hours, multiplied by 23, that's sixty-nine hours in eight months you can't spare for somebody you want to be your friend? ok, whatever) we had to split the tickets. Friday she calls, we split the tickets, a little small talk, she mentions that she misses my Mom. Never mentions that she might miss me. Says she can't come get the tickets that night. She tells me to tell the dogs that their momma says hi. Hey dogs, remember the woman that threw us away? She says hi.

So I sat all weekend with her stack of tickets sitting on my kitchen table. Saturday, she was supposed to come by and get them. Oops, too busy, Sunday then. All day Sunday, no word until eleven o'clock at night. A text saying "Can you take the tickets to work and I will pick them up from you at five when you get off?" Fine. Four-thirty Monday afternoon rolls around, I get a text, "Just leaving hospital, will be there as fast as possible." Five o'clock, Monday afternoon. I'm bushed. I want to go home. Where am I? Sitting in the parking garage waiting for her. Fifeteen minutes late she pulls up and comes to my drivers side window. She wants to chit chat about the parking garage! I give her the tickets and tell her bye. She makes the face she makes when she thinks I've done something wrong. Me, the one that has been inconvienced because she was to busy the entire weekend to come get her tickets. Just another example of how she believes the world revolves around her.

I know this is petty. I know it's a small thing, but it's another example of how she has treated me since this started.

Best Dog In The World

2009-09-19T15:46:00.002-04:00

I got a text today from my ex-wife saying that our dog Gabby had died. Even though she hasn't been living with me since 2002, I called the ex and cried like a baby over Gabby's passing. She was the best dog I ever had. She slept next to me in the bed. She never cried or wimpered. She never begged. When I would eat dinner, she would sit there patiently giving me the vulture look, long streams of drool coming out of her mouth, but she never came to the table, never pawed or whined. She loved the water, she would swim for hours retrieving the frisbee that I would throw until my arm got tired. She could sit, lay, roll over, and speak. Should would lay down when I'd pretend to shoot her. She could beg like one of those little prissy poodles, but was all big dog when it came time to rough house or chase the "cover monster." Giving her to the ex was one of the hardest things I ever had to do and if I was honest about it, I would have to admit that I missed the dog more than I did the ex. She had a good, long life, almost 15 years and I know the ex took good care of her. I will remember you always Gabby. Good Bye.

Happy Thursday!

2009-09-17T22:36:00.005-04:00

I had the day off and was determined to keep busy. I went by the Sommet Center and watched the Preds practice this morning. I was good to be back in the building. Afterwards, I went to Gerst Haus for a fried bologna sammich and a Black and Tan.Biggest freakin' beer ever! Afterwards, I went by my old work place to say "Hi" to folks. Most of them seemed genuinely glad to see me and wanted to know if I was coming back.

Later that evening the Preds had a preseason game. The fellas looked good against Atlanta, scoring five goals before I left early in the third.But the best part of the evening was the new third jerseys!!! I gotta get me one of these suckers.A day well spent. Hopefully sleep will come easier tonight.

More Hurt

2009-09-16T21:12:00.001-04:00

You know what hurts the most right now? She has never once said that she missed me.

Sigh

2009-09-15T21:10:00.003-04:00

More of the same really. I've talked about it so much, I'm sick of hearing it. I fluctuate between extreme sadness and near rage. Every little thing reminds me of how my situation has changed. I just want to be numb for a while.

I got called back into work last night and I was actually glad. It saved me from my own thoughts for several hours. I just wish this black cloud would lift.