What's In A Name?

I was married to a Catholic for 8 years. She referred to herself as a "C & E" Catholic and never really tried to get me involved in the church. After 6 or 7 years she decided that she wanted me to attend mass with her. I was reluctant at first, since I've never been a particularly religious person, but it was important to her so I acquiesced. The mass was confusing to me. It was nothing like the services I had been to as a child. When I was little, my parents would put me on the church bus and ship me off to Southern Baptist services every Sunday. Since I was not a complete moron, I began to suspect that there was an ulterior motive for my little Sunday trips because my parents never went. (I'm guessing they were just glad to have the rug rats out of the house for a couple of hours.) The fact that they never attended and fire and brimstone sermons insured that the indoctrination never really got a solid hold on me. When I finally went to mass with my ex, I was impressed. Not really with the message, but with the ritual and symbolism. I was like a tourist. Things were going well and I was thinking that if she wanted me to attend more services, I would probably accommodate her. Then, as always, I screwed the pooch. It was during one of those pauses for quiet reflection that my pager went off. My pager never goes off, but I did at least have the foresight to set it on vibrate. Never the less, it startled me and my reflexive and very loud, Tourette's like "SHIT!" did not go over very well with the rest of the congregation. That was my last mass.

I thought about that little episode because John Paul II slipped off his mortal coil this weekend. All of the news websites included little side stories on how the new pope will be elected with John Paul's obituary. Again the ritual of the church fascinated me. Apparently, around a thousand years ago, the newly elected popes began to take new names upon taking on the responsibilities of the office. There have been numerous Leos, Gregorys, Johns, etc. The articles really don't go into detail about what kind of process each new pope goes through to chose his new name. I am under the impression that it is a personal decision and left up to the individual. I'm guessing that the Catholic clergy aren't overly imaginative because they seem to have run out of ideas, hence the combination of names, John Paul, with the last two popes. If the college of Cardinals have taken up reading my blog, I am offering my services for choosing the name for the next father of the Holy Roman Church. There is no fee, I'm not a greedy man. Just an agnostic that would like to help an ancient organized religion connect with the world of 2005. When the white smoke rises above the Vatican, I suggest that the new leader of the worlds largest religion be introduced as His Holiness Pope Elvis I.