Dillinger and Me

My mom came to town recently for some computer help. Over the last year she has been compiling her family history and had committed it to CD. Now she wanted some help editing a few of the pictures and copying the CDs. I was dreading it, but she is my Mom and what are ya gonna do?

Sure enough, Mom didn't just want to stick to business. She wanted to show me every single picture of each mutant buck toothed hillbilly. Each picture either had somebody holding a shotgun or some sort of farm animal. Needless to say, I was unimpressed and completely bored but was trying to humor Mom.

Then she turns the page and there is a black and white photo of a young woman with no other pictures on the page. She stopped and looked at it, but didn't say a thing. Well, this was the equivalent of the Mississippi running backwards. I had never known my mother to be at a loss for words, so naturally I felt compelled to ask.

"That is your great uncle's girlfriend."

I shot her a look, because the answer was way to short. Let me tell you, for my family to be ashamed of something is unheard of in my lifetime. I have uncles that have gone to jail for impersonating five star generals, a grandfather that just quit one family, changed his name and started another brood (that is another story for another campfire), and my own mother married a man named "Uncle Raymond." I knew this had to be juicy.

"Uncle who?" I inquired.

Mom sighs and says "His name was John Dillinger." I immediately begin to chuckle, but I could tell that she was not amused.

"Not the gangster? The bank robber and murderer?"

"Yes that's him," and then she turned the page.

We left it at that and even though I was curious, part of me really didn't want to know how she figured out that I was related to John Dillinger. It does explain my aversion to law enforcement. If anybody is familiar with the legend of John Dillinger, they know that he was also famous for his exceptionally large penis. Rumor has it that upon his death it was removed and sent to the Smithsonian. All I can say is that it must have been a recessive gene.