Bat Goes Bat Shit Crazy

Three payments from owning my car out right, I got the itch. Dad always said that new car smell was the second most expensive smell in the world. Here is what I came home with today. I am taking donations toward my gas fund if anybody is feeling sorry for me.

Dude

I recently turned forty and my doctor told me "It's that time." Time for what? Time for yearly physicals, where men finally understand the dread of a visit to the doctor's office. I peed, got my blood drawn, had an EKG, and a chest X-ray. The doc asked me about my sleep habits, my sex life ("Bat, how is your sex life?" "Well, it depends on who you ask doc.") and my diet. He then stood up and said "I'm gonna apologize in advance, but it's time to check your prostate."

*Sigh* I mean I knew it was coming, but I certainly wasn't looking forward to it. He stands up and grabs some rubber gloves, making that snapping sound as he pulls them onto his hands. He then looks around the room and into a couple of drawers. "This room doesn't seem to have any K-Y."

My response. "DUDE!!!!!"

He gives me a sideways glance. "Don't worry. We'll find something."

"DUUUUDDE!!!!!"

"Oh, here it is."

An audible "whew" from me and then a relived "Dude."

When it was all said and done, he says "I feel like I was in some weird Bud Light commercial."

I said "Did you just say BUTT LIGHT!!!!"

He then sent me down the hall to have my hearing checked.

Merle's Door

The Girlfriend gives a pretty good telling of our vacation. We both had a great time. What she left out (mostly because I imagine that it frustrates her) is that I like to read while I am on vacation. I bought a couple of books at the airport and "Merle's Door" by Ted Kerasote was the second one that I read.

I've seen this book around for a while but I have resisted reading it. I barely made it through John Grogan's "Marley & Me" without having an emotional breakdown and I knew that any dog book has to basically end the same way. It's like reading something about the Titanic. You know the ending and you know you aren't gonna like it.

Sure enough, by the time I got to the last couple of chapters, I was bawling like a baby. Even now, two days later, when I look at the cover I feel a certain amount of sadness for Merle despite the fact that I never knew him.

If you love your dogs and have ever had to argue with somebody about their intelligence or their ability to emote, read this book. It will justify everything you love about your dog.