She Looks Innocent Enough

So, we are back from Florida. We had a great time fishing and hanging out on the beach. My forearms got burned so bad fishing, I had to wear a long sleeved shirt to the beach the next day. After fishing, we went over to Crabby Bill's and had them cook our catch. There is just something about eating fish you just caught. It tastes so much better.

After fishing I asked The Girlfriendwhat she wanted to do. She settled on going to see the Devil Rays play and then going to the strip club. Not one to argue (riiiigggghhhhtttt), I agreed, although I had my doubts about ever making it to the club.

After the game, I asked her again if she still wanted to go to the club. She said yes, so we headed out to Tampa's finest gentleman's club (cough).

We get inside and she wants to sit off in the corner. I was having none of that folks. I put a wad of one dollar bills in her sweaty palms and led her to the stage. I had her sit right in front of the action. The first girl comes out dancing, gets down to her skin suit and The Girlfriend leans over to me and says "Is she a M.I.L.F.?" I almost spit out my expensive O'Douls. The stripper soon makes her way over. She sits down on the edge of the stage, one leg on either side of Flat and reaches out and lifts Flat's breasts. I swear I almost died laughing at how red she became. It got better! She then pulled Flat's head forward, and the stripper soon had my girl's face enveloped in between two heaving mounds of girlie goodness. Flat looked like she was gonna resist at first, but caved in soon enough. I can't begin to describe how Flat looked when the M.I.L.F. swung a leg over her head and scissored her face between those stripper legs. It was worth the price of admission!!! Of course, they all wanted to get the two of us back to the "V.I.P." room and take some more of our money, but The Girlfriend wasn't really interested. When I talked to her about the experience later, she went on and on about how soft the stripper's chest was.

So I guess our weekend in Florida went well.

Insert Frowny Face

We are leaving for Florida today. Gonna do the quick four day weekend, do some fishing, go to the beach, eat a lot of seafood, maybe catch a ball game. So why the frowny face? My dogs. You know, people that go on and on about their dogs kinda work my nerves. I mean, I say it all of the time "They are JUST dogs!" However, I love my kids. Due to the early nature of our flight, The Girlfriend was scheduled to take my puppies to the kennel around five in the afternoon yesterday. I would never make it home from work in time to get them there before six, so yesterday morning was the last time that I saw them.
This is Daisy.

She is spoiled and a little spastic, but I got her after my divorce as a puppy and it was just me and her for a long time.

This is Maddie. She is smart, neurotic, and a pound puppy. I call her the luckiest dog in the world. How she came to live with me is a long story, but I'm sure if she had grown up in the pound, nobody would have wanted her. I worry about her being in the kennel. I'm sure she has abandonment issues.

Those are my kids and I will miss them. Not enough to skip Florida. No way. And I'm sure by this afternoon, the last thing on my mind will be my dogs.

Oh, The Girlfriend tagged me with this thing.

Why Do You Blog?

Answer? Because I like to. Thpppp.

Where Have I Been?

The Girlfriend looked at me sideways (men, you know the look) and said "You haven't posted in forever." Obviously, she wants me to write something. I have been focused on hockey playoffs for the last week or so and that's gonna be the topic today.

The Pred's lost a heart breaker in double overtime Wednesday night. It was exhausting! The Sharks carried a two goal lead into the third period before the the home team managed to tie it up in the last eight minutes. Then, the fans got to watch thirty minutes of sudden death hockey that was a huge roller coaster ride before San Jose snatched the win with a smart goal by Patrick Rissmiller. A bummer, but we were happy with the way the Pred's fought back.

That brings us to Friday night. The best night I've had in a while. The best memory I have from last night looks something like this:

Alexander Radulov, the Russian tornado, scored a goal in the first (that's three in two nights for a rookie!). In the second period, he tried to deliver a hard check to Steve Bernier and forced the Shark into the glass right in front of me (our seats are six rows from the ice). Bernier's face looked something like the above representation before he collapsed to the ice. I'm glad he isn't seriously injured, but the first words out of my mouth were "He got knocked the fuck out!"

The Preds went on to win the game and tie the series 1-1. Forsberg and John Pierre Dumont both scored two goals. The end of the game looked like a riot with basically every player on the ice grabbing each other to mix it up. Afterwards, The Girlfriend and I went over to Tootsies Orchid Lounge to listen to some music. It was crowded, but the music was good and the beer was cold. Question. Is Pabst Blue Ribbon making a comeback? I remember the parents drinking it when I was a kid, but I didn't even know they made the stuff anymore. It was everywhere at Tootsies.

We decided to leave around midnight and on the way home, the subject of hunger came up. We decided to stop off at the Hermitage Cafe which is a real diner with cheap diner food. I can't even begin to describe the place. Aw hell, it's a complete hole in the wall with waitresses that look like daytime hookers and it serves honest grill food. The place doesn't even open 'till ten o'clock at night and the stays open until sometime the next day. Perfect for a simple repast.

I went to bed in an excellent mood, just the right buzz, a full belly, and my team alive in the playoffs. Damn, life is good.

My Dad, My Hero

My Dad called me on my birthday. A lot of chit chat about how he is doing and feeling. He had open heart a few years back, the result of bad genetics and years of smoking. Pop begins to tell me about how his wife has him eating better and she makes sure he stays active and away from the smokes. I kinda drifted away from the conversation and thought about how lucky he was to find this one. I have already talked about the girlfriend he had that was arrested in front of his house, but I don't think I've mentioned his first date with her. Apparently, he forgot to tell the woman he was currently dating that he had decided to date Miss Mousy. He brought Miss Mousy back to his apartment to "watch some television" when he heard a knock at the door. Before he could answer, he heard yelled through the closed door that sounded like "Open up you sum bitch, I know you have some whore in there!"

I come from a long line of non-confrontational people. Rather than face the music, he yanked Miss Mousy off of the couch and shoved her out the back door. So, with the whore gone, did he then answer the door? According to him (and I don't know why he would tell his son this), he then hid in the closet. I did ask him why, and he mumble something about a pistol he had loaned her for protection, so I guess hiding was prudent. After spending several minutes in the closet contemplating his belly button, he heard a crash and the sound of breaking glass. Peaking out of the closet, he spied a fireplace log on his living room floor and a shower of glass underneath the window. He closed the closet door. Eventually, the sounds of sirens forced him out of the closet (no jokes please, he is my Dad). Peaking around the drapes, he was able to see that the police had made an appearance and where questioning the girl he had offended. Sneaky bastard then proceeded to leave his apartment out the same back door he had shoved Miss Mousy. Then he ambles around to the front of the complex and wanders up to the fracas. Mr. Smooth proceeds to win the Oscar for "Best Performance By A Chicken Shit Serial Dater When Faced With A Psycho Girlfriend." He tells the cops that he just got home and has no idea what's going on in front of his residence. Well, the neighbors knew and filled in John Q. Law. They hauled her away. Dad moved the next week. I don't think he ever got his pistol back.

My Birthday

I wasn't planning on mentioning my birthday. The Girlfriend had other ideas. I completely forgot that she had access to my blog! Everybody reaches a milestone birthday (it's different for each person) where they stop paying attention to the march of time. For me, it was my 30th. I don't know why, but that was a depressing birthday. After that, I really haven't paid that much attention. Often, when somebody asks me how old I am, I have to stop and think about it. For the last couple of years, Flat has made a much bigger deal out of April 1st than I would. It's been a refreshing change of pace.

Most of the time, I don't feel 39. Occasionally, I feel a new creak in the bones or my body betrays me when I'm trying to do something semi athletic. I don't really think like someone my age and I certainly don't act like it. Forty doesn't scare me, fifty is to far away to think about. Time just keeps marching on. Thanks everyone for the birthday wishes. Hope to see you next year.