Greetings From The U-boat Commander
Just so everybody will know what kind of intellect they are dealing with here, I'm going to let you know how my day went. I got up late, due mostly to the 50 mg of Benadryl I took before bed last night, but also it is partly the fault of the radio station that wakes me up every morning. Normally they play some Godsmack, or Metallica, or Alice in Chains. Something to shock my brain awake. Well, "The Rocket" let me down this morning, slept right through it. Luckily I have a back up, her name is Daisy and she has an extremely wet tongue.
After my golden retriever gave me my first bath, I hopped into the shower for my second, dried my balls, slammed on some scrubs, swigged some mouthwash and flew out the door, running only about 30 minutes late. It was cloudy this morning in West Tennessee, but the temperature was nice so naturally I opened the sun roof and let the windows down so the breeze would wake me.
A pause to talk about my automobile. I love my car. After my emancipation, I bought myself a very nice ride. I had driven rolling paper weights for years and felt that I deserved it. I tracked down a gem with garnett red paint, powerful engine, leather seats, and all of the bells and whistles. Lest ye think I'm compensating for something, wonder no longer. I have a small penis and my car is the only thing that keeps me from drinking the magic kool-aid because God short changed me. I love my car and I don't mind writing the check every month.
I was 30 minutes late, so the day starts like every day when you are already in the hole. It was very hectic, one case after another, and my co-workers were giving me a Monday morning pain in the ass. Around noon, I noticed that the rain was really coming down. Rain depresses me. I don't need warm temps, but I gotta have the sunshine. I was completely bummed because we just had 3 gorgeous days here and I had been looking forward to going to the links and smacking the rock a little bit.
Mercifully my day ends. I am jubilant! Freedom. Shucks, it's still raining. Biblical raining. Wrath of God stuff. I bolt to my tiny jimmy compensator and as I round the last car before mine......mother fucker!!!!!!!! Should have taken the time to close that sun roof.
So, the rest of my afternoon has been spent with towels, wet vacuum, and a hair dryer. I'm taking a short respite to cry a bit and share my misery. Feel free to call me a dumbass.
Any time somebody comes to visit you in prison, that's good.
-Suge Knight
After my golden retriever gave me my first bath, I hopped into the shower for my second, dried my balls, slammed on some scrubs, swigged some mouthwash and flew out the door, running only about 30 minutes late. It was cloudy this morning in West Tennessee, but the temperature was nice so naturally I opened the sun roof and let the windows down so the breeze would wake me.
A pause to talk about my automobile. I love my car. After my emancipation, I bought myself a very nice ride. I had driven rolling paper weights for years and felt that I deserved it. I tracked down a gem with garnett red paint, powerful engine, leather seats, and all of the bells and whistles. Lest ye think I'm compensating for something, wonder no longer. I have a small penis and my car is the only thing that keeps me from drinking the magic kool-aid because God short changed me. I love my car and I don't mind writing the check every month.
I was 30 minutes late, so the day starts like every day when you are already in the hole. It was very hectic, one case after another, and my co-workers were giving me a Monday morning pain in the ass. Around noon, I noticed that the rain was really coming down. Rain depresses me. I don't need warm temps, but I gotta have the sunshine. I was completely bummed because we just had 3 gorgeous days here and I had been looking forward to going to the links and smacking the rock a little bit.
Mercifully my day ends. I am jubilant! Freedom. Shucks, it's still raining. Biblical raining. Wrath of God stuff. I bolt to my tiny jimmy compensator and as I round the last car before mine......mother fucker!!!!!!!! Should have taken the time to close that sun roof.
So, the rest of my afternoon has been spent with towels, wet vacuum, and a hair dryer. I'm taking a short respite to cry a bit and share my misery. Feel free to call me a dumbass.
Any time somebody comes to visit you in prison, that's good.
-Suge Knight
posted by Bat at 9:57 PM
3 Comments:
Sadly, I so saw that coming. Calling you a dumbass would only make the situation worse, so I will refrain. I am just glad to know other intelligent, witty people have momentary lapses of good sense or foresight. Damn if I didn't almost type foreskin there. Your penis talk brought that on. I am certain 'tis possible to have a nice a car and decently-sized penis. Who measures those things anyway? Of course, I remember. You're a guy.
Oh . . . how's the car? At least you know it won't happen again (that's right, I'm always the optimist). Just trying to make a soppy situation drier. Damn, I think Brawny's ready for that new ad slogan.
The u-boat is drying in the garage. I plan on battling mold for the next several months.
*LOL* You sure do mention your "small" penis often in this blog. You're probably actually toting around a rather large one! But even if you're not, despite what some women may think, size is not everything! Technique is much more important. Now, give me a demonstration! hehehe.
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