Bat Shit Crazy Family

My Mom is seriously bat shit crazy. A great example of the crap she comes up with occurred when I was about ten or eleven years old. We often went to my Aunt's in the summer near St. Louis. One year Mom and the Aunt decided to take all of the kids to Six Flags for some fun and adventure. So what are two grown adults to do at a theme park for kids? Buy a barrel of Slime of course. If you don't remember Slime, it basically looks and feels like snot. It's green and sticky and is normally a parent's worst nightmare. Unless the parent is the one buying it.

We spent the day standing in long line after long line waiting to get on the rides. Mom and the Aunt would sneak the Slime out of their purse, take a generous amount and place it on the side of the hand rails for the lines. If you have ever stood in this type of line, you know that the natural tendency is to kinda drag your hand along the rail as the line moves. So, Mom and Aunt would put this snot like substance on the rail and then watch and giggle as invariably some poor soul behind us would drag his hand on the rail. Their eyes would get wide as the sticky stuff would come into contact with their hand. They would slowly lift their hand to get a better view of the contaminant. The reactions were varied as you can imagine. Some would look at their hand, look side to side to see if anybody was watching and then try to wipe it off on the rail. My favorites were the women that immediately went nuts. Usually it went something like "Oh my God Martha! Somebody has been sick! NO! NO! NO! Don't let the kids touch it, everybody out of line! Oh my God!" This went on all day. I don't remember much about the rides, but I do remember the look on one woman's face as she tried to keep from throwing up. Maybe now you know a little bit more about why I'm the way I am.

Girlfriend Quote Of The Day

Said by The Girlfriend at the Titans game today. "I wish he would stop poking his cock into the back of my head."

Use your imagination for context.

My Bi-annual Post

Lord, It seems like I never have the motivation to post. I'm working three twelves a week now, so I have extra time off. You'd think I'd be writing all kinds of witty interesting stuff. Fact is, I'm spending more time going and doing things. Last weekend, The Girlfriend and I drove up to Knoxville for the Tennessee game. It was nice to see them win. Especially after the ass waxing they got from Florida this weekend. Yesterday, we went over to the sportsplex to watch the Predators practice. They had a scrimmage toward the end of practice, two thirty minute periods.
Let me tell you, this wasn't a powder puff game. All of the starters played and the new guys were trying to make an impression. There was plenty of skating and hitting. Well worth the trip out there considering we didn't have to pay anything. Today we are headed over to the Coliseum to watch the Titans take on the Colts. I hope that Tennessee can contain Manning and his receivers, but I wouldn't be surprised if they went tater nuts on us. Oh, and to top everything off, The Girlfriend smoked me at fantasy football last week. None of my teams seem to do very well. Ok, gotta go shower (missed the Saturday night bath) and get ready for the game. Hasta.

*Sigh*

Well, the Vols lost this past weekend. They were just out gunned. It looked like they might make a game of it, but in the end, Cal just waxed our asses. I hate losing the first game of the season. Now I'm heading to Knoxville next weekend to see Tennessee play Southern Miss, a team that always plays above it's head. I've been dreaming about college a bit lately. I lived at the fraternity house for about 2 1/2 years. This past spring, the University decided to tear down the old house which was on the edge of campus.

The house was old and drafty, no air conditioning in the summer, but I had some great times there and have a lot of memories of the place. I expect it to be gone when I get there this weekend. The picture above is typical, there were always a bunch of guys hanging out on the front stoop. This was before a softball game. Here is a picture of a Christmas party we had in '89.The tradition was that one of the guys dressed up as Santa and you would sit on his lap while you opened your gift (we drew names). Since most of us were poor, the majority of gifts consisted of a bottle of the worst tasting alcohol you could find. When you unwrapped it, you immediately drank as much of it as you could. That's me on Santa's lap and I think that was the year I got something called "Corn Crib" which was either a whiskey that had been aged less than a month or some type of paint remover. It was pretty nasty.

Now the guys have moved to what was always called "The New Row." It was actually an area that the school had built for the older fraternities. Another fraternity got kicked off of campus and we have apparently moved into their old digs. The place looks pretty soulless and I don't remember ever going in there, but it should have heat and air and make rush easier for the guys. Beta Theta Pi was my fraternity and it now occupies the old Delta house. I'm sure it's nice enough, but their was something to be said about living in a place where your heat came from an oil fired boiler and if you didn't have the tank topped off regularly, you would invariably find yourself without heat on the coldest night of the year. Of course this would become an excuse to party and create a memory. Anyway, so now I go back to my Alma mater this weekend and I will cruise by the old place and relive a few good times.

Football Time In Tennessee

It's the first of September which means a couple of things. First, fall is on it's way! We have had record temps here in Nashville this summer. Everything is brown and dry, the air conditioner is screaming for mercy and my balls are so tired of sweating, it isn't even funny. More importantly, the Vols begin their season tonight. Once again they start with Cal and once again Cal is favored. I can only hope that the outcome is the same as last year when Tennessee rolled over California like they were a high school team. The Girlfriend and I are actually going to next week's game against Southern Mississippi and then the Vols are off to Florida to play the Gators. These first few weeks of the season could define Tennessee for the rest of the year. If they drop both games against Cal and Florida, it will be hard to find a reason to play for the rest of the fall. In addition, Tennessee's starting quarterback, Erik Ainge, has a broken pinkie finger on his throwing hand. Not good news. Everybody wish my team the best and be glad that with the break in the weather I no longer have a severe case of swamp ass.