Bat Shit Crazy Family

My Mom is seriously bat shit crazy. A great example of the crap she comes up with occurred when I was about ten or eleven years old. We often went to my Aunt's in the summer near St. Louis. One year Mom and the Aunt decided to take all of the kids to Six Flags for some fun and adventure. So what are two grown adults to do at a theme park for kids? Buy a barrel of Slime of course. If you don't remember Slime, it basically looks and feels like snot. It's green and sticky and is normally a parent's worst nightmare. Unless the parent is the one buying it.

We spent the day standing in long line after long line waiting to get on the rides. Mom and the Aunt would sneak the Slime out of their purse, take a generous amount and place it on the side of the hand rails for the lines. If you have ever stood in this type of line, you know that the natural tendency is to kinda drag your hand along the rail as the line moves. So, Mom and Aunt would put this snot like substance on the rail and then watch and giggle as invariably some poor soul behind us would drag his hand on the rail. Their eyes would get wide as the sticky stuff would come into contact with their hand. They would slowly lift their hand to get a better view of the contaminant. The reactions were varied as you can imagine. Some would look at their hand, look side to side to see if anybody was watching and then try to wipe it off on the rail. My favorites were the women that immediately went nuts. Usually it went something like "Oh my God Martha! Somebody has been sick! NO! NO! NO! Don't let the kids touch it, everybody out of line! Oh my God!" This went on all day. I don't remember much about the rides, but I do remember the look on one woman's face as she tried to keep from throwing up. Maybe now you know a little bit more about why I'm the way I am.