Damn That Was A Lot Of Work

Finished! We were actually done with the backyard on Wednesday after I put in an extra sprinkler head, but we didn't get pictures developed until today. (Yes we have a digital camera, but we had this disposable laying around and I decided to use the last few pics on it for my show and tell.) Here are the before pictures. The grass (if you could call it that) was actually much worse than it looks. Plus, there were four huge rocks (at least fifty pounds) I had to dig out and move. I ended up putting them under the deck.

View from the fence.

View from the patio. Pretty nasty and plain looking, huh? Now, this is what it looks like after I put in the underground irrigation system, built the deck, erected (heh, I said erected) the pergola, planted Jeffy, put shrubbery and mulch around the deck, and The Girlfriend and I put down the sod.

And so the major spring project is out of the way. The grass still looks a little rough, it got kinda dry before I could get the sprinklers going, but it's slowly turning green. We have to stay off of it for two or three weeks and that is driving the dogs nuts, but they will have a great yard to play in when it's done. I'd kick Bob Villa's ass in a fair fight.

You Whopper Deliverin' Mother Fucker!

A friend of mine, Ralph, works with me at the hospital. Before he was a nurse, Ralph was an MP in the Marines and a trooper in his home state. At six foot five and about two-fifty, I'm willing to bet Ralph can handle himself in most situations.

He came to work the other day and told me about stopping for dinner the night before. He goes into Burger King to grab some chow and notices that the place is empty except for one woman in the corner who looks a tad homeless and is rocking back and forth while slapping herself and the table in front of her.

Ralph walks to the counter and places his order. Shortly thereafter, the minimum wage, teen aged counter girl drops a bag in front of Ralph and says "You need to take this over to that woman."

According to Ralph, this begins a Mexican stand off with the counter girl trying to stare him down and Ralph trying to convey non-verbally how crazy it is to expect a customer to deliver food. This goes on for a minute or so until the counter girl turns around to prep another order. Of course I think that's the end of the story so I interrupt (as I am wont to do) and start in with "Those crazy french fry eating bastards, who do they think they are? Let 'em earn their $5.50 and hour or whatever the minimum wage is and walk the food over to the nutty homeless person." I take a breath to continue my tirade and Ralph says,

"Wait, it gets better. When she turns her back to me, she keeps looking over her shoulder at the bag on the counter top and then up at me, as if to say 'Well, what are you waiting for? Take the nut job her supper.' Then she brings me my food, but holds the bag in the air and says 'You are taking that food to that woman.' Not a question, a statement."

At this point, I'm practically frothing at the mouth. "Damn, the bitch was holding your whopper ransom!"

"Yeah," Ralph replied, "So I just looked her in the eye and said 'I need my drink.' So she put my bag down and fetched my cup. Then I went and poured my Diet Coke over at the fountain."

I was a tad worked up because I was tired of waiting for the part of the story where he let loose with a stream of Marine profanity at the counter girl, Burger King, and all unreasonable requests. I expected something worthy of R. Lee Ermey. You know a "You had better get your shit wired in this burger flopping crap hole before I gouge out your eyeballs and skull fuck you!" I was dancing back and forth waiting in anticipation. Ralph didn't say anything else, just kinda looked at me, so I prompted him with "I guess you showed that ghetto rat who is the boss, huh?"

Sheepishly Ralph looked at his feet. "Well, it was on my way out, so I took the crazy lady her food." I immediately revoked his man card for being a Whopper Deliverin' Mother Fucker.

Backyard Progress

We were supposed to sod the backyard this weekend, however it was too wet for the sodders (is that what they are called?) to cut the sod. Other than the fact that I had scheduled two days off for this activity, the bummer is that I humped my ass off installing the irrigation system. Too cheap to buy a trenching machine, I decided to dig out the trenches myself. Everything was going good until I hit clay on the last third of the project. I spent one day on two thirds of it and then two days on the last third. It still wasn't as deep as I wanted it. Laying the pipe (I've always liked that phrase) took only about fifeteen minutes. I'm waiting to put the actual sprinkler heads in until the yard is prepped before the sod. I also couldn't wait any longer to plant the Jefferson elm (known as Jeffy) that I bought The Girlfriend for Valentine's Day. He was delivered March tenth and had been sitting on the patio watching me work in the yard. He was starting to bud leaves so I decided not to wait any longer to plant him.

So, to sum up for the back yard. I built a 12 x 12 wooden deck, installed an irrigation system, planted Jeffy and now I only have the sod left. I will post before and after pictures when I'm done.

A Month Is Way To Long

Has it really been over a month since I posted? The dates don't lie I guess. Right now it's about 7:30 in the morning and I'm sitting in a motel room in Chicago waiting for the girlfriend to wake up. She gave me this trip for my birthday and I am having a ball. We got here about noon yesterday and took the train downtown. After eating some serious deep dish pizza at Duet, we walked the city and took in some sights, then caught a cab to the United Center to watch the Predators play their last game of the season against the Blackhawks. In case you were curious, the Preds clinched a playoff spot on Thursday (a fantastic game against the Blues with a fantastic crowd). The seats were fantastic, three rows from the glass! I was a little disappointed in the game. Arnott, Ellis, DeVries and Zidlicky didn't play. The game didn't really mean anything for Nashville. Well, except for the fact that if we won, we might have to play San Jose in the first round. So we lost, the girlfriend and I took a lot of abuse from the fans (my favorite was a fan that screamed "Nashville sucks! They are gonna get creamed by Detroit! And Detroit sucks too!), but it's easier to tolerate when you know you are going to the playoffs and the Chicago fans are gonna be at home hoping that the Chicago Bears have a good draft.

The girlfriend also got me Cubs tickets for today. I am by no means a Cubs fan, but I am very excited about Wrigley field. I can remember when it became the last ballpark to get lights for night games! The weather looks great and I think we are gonna have a good time.

Tonight we are going to dinner and then she wants to take me to the Hancock Tower for drinks. After drinks, I think the plan is for wild hotel room sex. Or is that before the baseball game? I had better go find my Viagra. I am 40 you know.

Happy Birthday to Me

compliments of Flat Coke and Flies