Phone Faux Pas

Last weekend, The Girlfriend and I went to see Tropic Thunder. This movie won't win any Oscars, but it was good for a chuckle later in the week.

There is a point in the movie where a special effects guy is gonna set off a gigantic explosion. Right before he hits the detonator, for no particular reason, he yells "BIG ASS TITTIES!"

Of course I latched onto this like a dog on a bone. I spent the next several days blurting out "BIG ASS TITTIES!" at odd times. I picked up my phone at one point and texted "BIG ASS TITTIES!" to everybody in my phone book (mom, the ex-wife, and Jordan being the exceptions). You can tell a lot about a person by how they respond to that sort of text. Lamest response? "HUH?" Best response "WHERE?!?" The novelty of "BIG ASS TITTIES!" wore off over the next couple of days and I forgot all about the text.

Cut to Wednesday. I'm driving home from work and get a phone call on my cell. The Girlfriend is the only one that ever calls me on my cell so I didn't really bother to look at the caller id. I say hello and a women's voice says "Is this number xxx-xxx-xxxx?"

"Uh, yeah," I reply.

"I'm calling because I recently received a land line text from this number and I'm trying to figure out who sent it"

I asked "What's a land line text?"

She said, "When you send a text to a land line, a computer somewhere converts it to speech. We got a land line text in this creepy robotic voice that said 'BIG ASS TITTIES!' but you sound much too mature to be sending that sort of message. Do you have teenagers?"

"Uh, ma'am, I'm ashamed to say I did send that message (I was only ashamed because she was giving me the mother's tone), but I'm not sure who this is. Can I ask who you are?"

So, she gives me the name of an old co-workers wife and now I go into full spin control. "Carolyn, I'm sorry, I thought that was Dave's phone."

"It is Dave's phone," she replies, "Dave's home phone. But don't worry about it, we were only worked up because we though some kid was being ugly to our daughter. Actually, a computer voice saying "BIG ASS TITTIES" when you pick up the phone is kinda funny."

"Uh, ok, tell Dave I said hi."

"Ok, bye."

So then I went another two or three days walking around saying "BIG ASS TITTIES!" at odd times, but now I used a robot's voice. I didn't really learn my lesson I guess.