Rectal Foreign Bodies

What a depressing weekend. Since I last posted, the Predators have lost twice and the Vols got beat by Dark Visor and the Cocks. No point in dwelling on it though, so on to the good stuff.

I'm not sure how it came up in conversation, but the topic of rectal foreign bodies was discussed this weekend. Yeah, ewwwww. The thing is, I have a rectal foreign body story.

I work in the radiology department of a small hospital in a backwater town. Mostly I push drugs and help with biopsies. Every once in awhile I will scrub in on a procedure. My point is that even though I work in radiology, I can't read an x-ray any better than the lay person. One day a co-worker called me into the reading area. He told me to look on the box and tell him what I thought. When he turned on the light, this x-ray is very similar to what I saw. This image was borrowed from a web site called Rectal Foreign Bodies , but it looks exactly like what I saw that day. I immediately asked "Who is this and what did they put in their ass?"

I took the x-ray back into the radiologist, stuck it on his board and said "I have to know the story!"

He shook his head, gave me the "tsk tsk" sound and related the tale.

The film was taken of a young lady that was in our emergency room. Apparently she had been out and about the night before and had found some lucky man to continue her fun back at her place. According to the woman, they were snogging on the kitchen table when her gentleman friend noticed a bowl of vegetables. Deciding that banging a strange man on her own kitchen table wasn't enough excitement for his partner, he resolved to kick things up a notch by inserting a cucumber into her ass. Somewhere along the line, he lost his grip and the suction behind the Cucumis sativus (the common cucumber. By the way, did you know that cucumbers are technically a fruit and not a vegetable? From the prospective of a botanist, a fruit is the mature ovary of a plant such as an orange, grape, peach, and yes, cucumber. Commonly, the cucumber is lumped into the vegetable category because of the way it is used, much like the Solanum lycopersicum ((tomato, which happens to be a member of the nightshade family)), but it IS a fruit.) pulled it the rest of the way inside her body cavity and SHAZAM! it was gone. Next stop, the local emergency room where they used a foley catheter inserted into the rectum to remove it. Now, I'm a firm believer in whatever it takes for you to get yours, you know what I mean? But what struck me as truly crappy (excuse the pun) about this poor woman's plight is that she had to go through the indignity of a trip to the ER to have a piece of fruit (vegetable, whatever) removed from her ass all alone. This is just my opinion, but if you get something stuck in my ass, you are gonna be staring the doctor right in the face when I explain to him what you did.

Moral of the story? Know the person that is sticking things in your orifices.

Sleep well gentle readers.