A Matter Of Trust
I don't really do New Year's resolutions. I'm so damn flaky that I tend to disappoint myself by the time MLK Day rolls around. I now do the general and less impressive "I'm gonna try to work out more next year." By tossing the word "try" in there, I can justify the lack of commitment. Any who, I'm gonna try to post more. For me, I reckon. It has to do a body good to get stuff out, right?
2008 hasn't started out all that well. I'm dealing with trust issues, something I swore that I'd never do again. In addition to "Elvis" people and "Beatles" people there are two kinds of trust people. The first kind trusts nobody. You have to earn their trust. I can't be that person. It involves too much suspicion, too much energy. I'm too lazy to keep up the "where have you been? who was that on the phone? why do you spend so much time on the computer? why did your ex call?", etc. I just don't have the get up and go to make some body prove that they are trust worthy. So, I fall into the second category of trust people. I trust everybody until they give me a reason not to do so. Some would say I walk through life with blinders, and that may be true. However, it is so much easier to just TRUST. Of course I get burned. And the more I get burned, the harder it is to trust unconditionally, but generally I managed to trust people I meet until they give me a reason not to trust them.
The catch to being in the second category is that once you lose my trust, how do you get it back? In the past, my policy has been to cut and run. Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, well it won't happen 'cause I won't be around for the second deception.
So faced with this new challenge for the new year, I've decided to try and trust somebody again. Four days into it and I already know that it's gonna be one of the hardest things I've ever done, but without trust, what else is there?
Part of the problem is that my intuition sucks. It's like I have three people inside my head arguing. There is my head (or my intellect, such as it is) being logical and trying to walk through a process. There is my heart, which tends to scream, "JUST DIVE IN THE WATER! IT WILL BE OK. YOU WON'T DROWN!" And then my gut, which apparently has a direct connection to my feet because my gut keeps telling me to "RUN AWAY DUMB ASS! RUN AWAY!" So far, my heart and head have shouted down my gut, but it's a constant struggle. Maybe I should call Dr. Phil and get him to help me work through it. I hope I'm not making a mistake. Oh, I keep hearing that Billy Joel song running through my head. "A Matter Of Trust" Listen to it if you get the chance, it's a great tune.
2008 hasn't started out all that well. I'm dealing with trust issues, something I swore that I'd never do again. In addition to "Elvis" people and "Beatles" people there are two kinds of trust people. The first kind trusts nobody. You have to earn their trust. I can't be that person. It involves too much suspicion, too much energy. I'm too lazy to keep up the "where have you been? who was that on the phone? why do you spend so much time on the computer? why did your ex call?", etc. I just don't have the get up and go to make some body prove that they are trust worthy. So, I fall into the second category of trust people. I trust everybody until they give me a reason not to do so. Some would say I walk through life with blinders, and that may be true. However, it is so much easier to just TRUST. Of course I get burned. And the more I get burned, the harder it is to trust unconditionally, but generally I managed to trust people I meet until they give me a reason not to trust them.
The catch to being in the second category is that once you lose my trust, how do you get it back? In the past, my policy has been to cut and run. Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, well it won't happen 'cause I won't be around for the second deception.
So faced with this new challenge for the new year, I've decided to try and trust somebody again. Four days into it and I already know that it's gonna be one of the hardest things I've ever done, but without trust, what else is there?
Part of the problem is that my intuition sucks. It's like I have three people inside my head arguing. There is my head (or my intellect, such as it is) being logical and trying to walk through a process. There is my heart, which tends to scream, "JUST DIVE IN THE WATER! IT WILL BE OK. YOU WON'T DROWN!" And then my gut, which apparently has a direct connection to my feet because my gut keeps telling me to "RUN AWAY DUMB ASS! RUN AWAY!" So far, my heart and head have shouted down my gut, but it's a constant struggle. Maybe I should call Dr. Phil and get him to help me work through it. I hope I'm not making a mistake. Oh, I keep hearing that Billy Joel song running through my head. "A Matter Of Trust" Listen to it if you get the chance, it's a great tune.
posted by Bat at 8:18 AM
5 Comments:
Good luck. I'm a big fan of blinders myself.
This is so true. Trust is one of the hardest things to grapple with. I go back and forth myself. A wise friend once told me (and we've all heard it before...), "If you're looking for trouble, then go ahead and keep digging. Eventually you will find it." And I had to ask myself seriously, is that really what I want to find? Do I really want to look for the bad in everything? Make mountains out of mole hills? Or, wouldn't I maybe be just a little bit happier if I just let it go, stopped trying to make something be wrong, and just be happy with what is until proven otherwise. Yes, although it's been difficult to do sometimes, I think I like having the blinders on better too. Hang in there... And best of luck to you in your efforts.
Trust is such a hard thing to win and so easy to lose! You only live once and the only one that you have to make happy is yourself. When trying to think of what to do, I try to step out of "me" and pretend if a friend asked me for advise on the same issue what would I tell them? What would I advise them to do? And then try to go off that. I hope all works out!!! Good luck!
I'm proud of you for writing this post. It means that your head is on straight and is working through something, instead of just your gut and your feet running for the hills, which I understand is a hard thing to resist if you're a guy. And since your head is willing and active, I hope it takes into consideration the heart's motives and the gut's motives, but still seeks out the truths and facts of things. I think sometimes gut responses aren't based on reality; they're based on fear. Heart responses are based on dreams and hopes.
In a long-winded way, I guess I'm saying that you're doing great by not making spontaneous decisions based on whims in either direction, and I hope whatever problems you have heal magically before your very eyes.
It's about f'ing time you post.
I think I fall under the same category where I automatically will trust you until you do something to cause me to question that.. i think the older I get, the easier it is to pick up on those that are not trustworthy.. it's almost to the point (relationship wise) that I'm beginning to think that everyone I meet will do something to cause me to not trust them, so I might as well accept it! :)
People aren't perfect.. they're going to screw up from time to time.. I guess you just have to look at the big picture. Ask yourself, "will this matter in 6 weeks? 6 years?" If it will matter, there lies your problem.
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