Rage
I should be asleep. It's one in the morning and I've done all the crying I'm gonna do over this. I'm on call all day tomorrow and I will be dragging if I have to go into work, but I can't sleep, I'm in full on rage.
I feel abandoned, used, taken advantage of, and mistreated. This is what you get when you make somebody the center of your world. This is what you get when you do everything humanly possible to make somebody happy. They shit all over you then smile to your face the whole time they are thinking about somebody they don't even know. They throw everything back at you. Take them to Denver for their birthday because you were told nobody has ever done anything special for them? Great. Now here is a big shit sandwich to eat because guess what? You are apparently trying to buy their love. Spend three weekends doing improvements to their house? Here, have a hunk of shit on a roll. You didn't really love them because you weren't paying attention to them. Hold their hand when they lose their job, tell them it will be ok because you are working and can hold on until they find something else. Help them with their resume, their interview, encourage them when they get a job. Know what that gets you? A big pile of steaming shit on a platter. Somebody else flatters them a little and suddenly everything you've done to try and make this person happy counts for nothing.
And the sad thing about being shit on by someone you love? You still look for those smiles, those words, that touch. You yearn to be back in their good graces, even though you haven't done anything wrong. You whine and cry, rage and bitch, sigh and accept because there really isn't anything you can do. You can tell yourself that the person is making a poor choice, you can tell the person that they are making a mistake, but they are so blinded by infatuation, they don't care. They throw away everything the two of you have made together for something they know in their heart, if they were honest with themselves, will never work. And yet, you follow them like a puppy, begging for that pat on the head.
I have to get out of here. My head spins and my chest hurts. My heart is broken and I truly believe she doesn't care.
I feel abandoned, used, taken advantage of, and mistreated. This is what you get when you make somebody the center of your world. This is what you get when you do everything humanly possible to make somebody happy. They shit all over you then smile to your face the whole time they are thinking about somebody they don't even know. They throw everything back at you. Take them to Denver for their birthday because you were told nobody has ever done anything special for them? Great. Now here is a big shit sandwich to eat because guess what? You are apparently trying to buy their love. Spend three weekends doing improvements to their house? Here, have a hunk of shit on a roll. You didn't really love them because you weren't paying attention to them. Hold their hand when they lose their job, tell them it will be ok because you are working and can hold on until they find something else. Help them with their resume, their interview, encourage them when they get a job. Know what that gets you? A big pile of steaming shit on a platter. Somebody else flatters them a little and suddenly everything you've done to try and make this person happy counts for nothing.
And the sad thing about being shit on by someone you love? You still look for those smiles, those words, that touch. You yearn to be back in their good graces, even though you haven't done anything wrong. You whine and cry, rage and bitch, sigh and accept because there really isn't anything you can do. You can tell yourself that the person is making a poor choice, you can tell the person that they are making a mistake, but they are so blinded by infatuation, they don't care. They throw away everything the two of you have made together for something they know in their heart, if they were honest with themselves, will never work. And yet, you follow them like a puppy, begging for that pat on the head.
I have to get out of here. My head spins and my chest hurts. My heart is broken and I truly believe she doesn't care.
posted by Bat at 2:13 AM
1 Comments:
I think the problem was you just loved her too much - never mind I am sure you will find someone new to share your life with.
Post a Comment
<< Home