U.S.A.!

I have olympic hockey fever. The gold medal game is in 30 minutes. I've ordered the pizza, the bourbon is ready to pour, my place on the couch is secure. I believe if Suter and Rafalski can shut down the Crosby line, the Americans have a chance. Of course Miller will have to stand on his head, but he has been hot. USA! USA! USA!

Poor Maddie

My poor Maddie. My blue heeler mix did something horrible to her paw. On Sunday afternoon, the weather was so nice, I spent most of the day outside with my dogs. I brushed them well and then clipped their nails. A couple of hours later I noticed Maddie licking her right paw. She didn't want me to look at it, but when I finally got her settled, this is what I saw.Poor girl. Somehow she stripped the nail off! Her nails are black and there is nothing left on the one nail except this white, bloody stump. I didn't know what to do. Kris was a vet tech for years and she said it would get better quickly, but it isn't quick enough for me. The poor thing limps around and she has always been such an active dog, I know it's hard for her not to use it. I went and bought a toy just for her and I try to keep it clean, but I know there is no point in trying to bandage it. She would just rip it off. I feel so sorry for her.

Sunshine

Good grief. My vacation was supposed to recharge my batteries. Unfortunately, no sunshine. Well, some sunshine, but little warmth. California was rainy and chilly until we drove south and then it was nice. Not Cindy's fault, her husband said "It rains ten days a year in SoCal and you are here for two of them."

New York had sunshine......and a foot of snow! I hate winter. Just hate it. Southwest is cheap as hell right now. Less than $200 round trip to Tampa. Unfortunately, my work schedule doesn't have room in it until May. Tampa should be warm in May, right.

So, I dunno if I can wait that long, but I think I'm gonna book a trip for May. A couple of days in the sun, some fishing, some reading, maybe that will help.

Adventures In Travel:NYC edition

I only have myself to blame for the longest day of travel EVER! I guess I wasn't paying attention when I booked the flight from L.A. to NYC. Not only did I have a plane change in Tuscon, it then went to Chicago to take on more passengers! I left fairly early in the morning but with the three hour time change, I didn't get to my hotel until ten in the evening. I stayed at the Hudson on W. 58th Street and it was really nice. The lobby. The next day I slept in and then called my buddy Phillip. He said he was off and we could meet for lunch and beers and then later that night go to the Predators/Islanders game. He lived on the East side, so I left the hotel and walked over to Central Park to wait for him.

I met him at about noon and we went to a place called 1-2-3 Burger Shot Beer. It was three menus. Sliders, shots and beers. Pretty self explanatory. Well, numerous beers, several shots, and a couple of sliders later, we decided that we would just keep hanging out and getting our drink on until it was time for the game. But what to do in NYC in the middle of the day that was entertaining AND involved alcohol? Titties and steak! Ever since I can remember, the strip clubs in Memphis where I grew up would advertise the businessman's lunch special. Prime rib and two for one lap dances. I've heard about Scores in New York on Howard Stern's radio show,so off we go. Quite the hike, let me tell you. I'm sure the subway would have been quicker, but we were in no shape to figure out the maps. We are walking and walking and getting more and more and more jazzed about steak and titties. We finally reach our destination and what do we see? Closed. Denied! A quick check of yahoo maps showed that five blocks over there were two more strip clubs. Another walk, but worth it for titties and steak, right? Both of them closed. Apparently, in New York, the city never sleeps, but the strippers do. I couldn't believe it. Now I'm drunk, lost, in a strange city and my dreams of red meat and bare chests have been yanked away from me. We decide to keep drinking until game time, what else can we do?

So we find another bar and we are sitting there lamenting our mammary deficiency when we hit on an idea. Do we know anybody that would send us a picture of their assets? We scrambled to our phones. My options were very limited and just as I started to try to work my magic (sarcasm folks), my phone died (hence no more pictures from the rest of the day). Phillip was our only hope and he was trying to get his girlfriend to come through for us. I ordered another beer and was resigned to a life without steak and titties when Phillip tapped me on he shoulder and showed me his phone. I looked at the picture. Oh crap. I know that set.

I guess a little tangent is required here. I girl I work with has recently become single. She has targeted me and even though I have told her there is no interest on my end, she is quite rigorous in her pursuit. It doesn't take a genius to figure out how I've seen her assets.

But what do I say? It didn't seem likely that Phillip was really dating this girl, but last I heard he was was working on her for succor. Screw it. Subtle, I am not. "Dude, I know that chest, it belongs to xxxx xxxxxx!" He started laughing his ass off. "Has she been sending you pictures too? Man I have gotten some filthy stuff from her. She must surely be desperate." Before you judge us, remember that men are basically weak creatures with base needs. If Margaret Thatcher sent me a picture of her chesticles, who am I to tell her to stop? Anyway, we laughed our asses off at the expense of the poor girl for the next thirty minutes.

By this time, we needed to head out to Long Island for the hockey game. Let me tell you, if you glance at a map, Manhattan and Long Island look close in proximity, they aren't. A trip on the subway, the long island railroad, and ten a bus. An hour later we finally made. We bought some cheap tickets and settled in to our seats. It wasn't a very good game. The Islander's arena is shitty to put it mildly and the Predators played horribly. They lost the game and we had to make the long trip back. Lucky for us, they sell beer on the train platforms. Barley pops always make disappointment go down easier.

The next day I woke up to a voicemail on my phone. Southwest airlines had called, my flight for the next day had been canceled due to inclement weather. What??!!??! I looked out the window. HUGE fat snowflakes were falling. About three inches had already accumulated. I looked at the weather channel. They were expected about a foot. All of the airports up and down the Atlantic seaboard had been shut down. I got dressed and went back to Central Park. Holy cow it was beautiful!I walked around the park for an hour or so enjoying the fat snow flakes. It was like something from a postcard. There were dozens of snow men, the kids were sledding, dogs were chasing snowballs. It was worth the entire trip. Unfortunately, I didn't have the proper clothing. I was wearing my running shoes and they were soaked through and through and I was freezing.

I stumbled back toward the hotel and decided to stop and a place called The Coliseum. I don't know if this place was supposed to be an Irish pub, but both bartenders were Irish, the guy sitting next to me was Irish, and the coffees and the Shepard's pie were surely Irish. I swear they were speaking English, but I only understood every third word. It was the perfect ending to my snow day. That night, I went to Madison Square Garden to watch the predators play the Rangers. I was like night and day compare to the Nassau Coliseum where the Islanders played. A beautiful building, a great crowd and the Preds eked out a win. Thursday, I had no plans. I was not prepared for an extra day so I went down to times square to buy some more clothes. The city wasted no time clearing the snow. I went back to Central Park one more time and took a couple of pictures. I spent the rest of the day just walking around an checking things out. The next day was another travel day. It took forever to get home, but overall, I had a fantastic vacation.

Adventures In Travel:SoCal edition

I'm mid trip, but I've got some time on my hands (more about that later) so I thought I'd write an update on things so far.

I arrived in L.A. without incident, Jordan and Cindy picked me up from the airport. It was raining and the temp was only a shade under sixty degrees, but anything warmer than the butt numbing temps we had in Smashville was welcome. Cindy had asked if I needed to freshen up (what? I had to check and make sure I hadn't grown a vag) or was I ready for some dinner. I responded positively to the thought of food and we met Cindy's husband at a sushi restaurant.

Now, let me just say, I like sushi and I thought I had eaten some pretty good sushi in the past, but this stuff was like manna from heaven. Each piece of fish was smooth and buttery with flavors that just exploded in your mouth. Soy sauce, wasabi, all of that stuff was unnecessary. It was just too much to describe, but now I know I have truly had good sushi. Cindy's friend Dwaine met us at the restaurant and we all went back to Cindy's pad for more drinks and some bullshitting.

In this picture I'm apparently explaining quantum mechanics to Dwaine and Cindy is completely agreeing with me (as she always does).

The next day we drove over to Long Beach. On the way, we stopped at Duke's to eat. Say what you want about Cindy, but she makes sure a fella gets fed. We ended up at an area called "The Pike". Jordan insisted that I ride the Ferris wheel there even though I begged them not to make me 'cause I don't like heights. Crap, I forgot to mention that Cindy's friends James and Vanessa met us there. Both of them are very nice people and Vanessa is quite the looker, the pictures I had seen before didn't do her justice. Here is one I took on the Ferris wheel. No wonder everybody is in love with her.

I survived my brush with death (seriously, I hate heights) and we all went to Bubba Gump's for dinner (food again, I ate like a pig). Afterwards, Vanessa had to leave us, but the rest of the group went to a place called The Mai Tai Bar. After one or two beers, I apparently went into Tucker Max mode and began to make fun of the other patrons. I hope I didn't cause to much of a scene.

The next day, we drove down to San Diego for brunch and Sea World. Brunch was at a place called Tom Hamm's Lighthouse where I promptly sexually assaulted a cannon sitting out front.Cindy and Jordan say that this is my go to pose, but I have no idea what they are talking about. After a great brunch, we did the Sea World thing. I've been to Sea World in Florida several times, but I've never seen Shamu's show. It was pretty spectacular. The orcas are beautiful and very graceful. On the way back to L.A., I was introduced to In-N-Out Burger (food!). Worth the trip. Unfortunately, by this time, I was coming down with my obligatory travel cold. I always get sick when I travel, and this trip was no exception. I tried to ward it off by taking prodigious amounts of Airborne and alcohol, but I'm guessing I didn't drink enough because by the time I got on the plane for NYC, I was blowing snot bubbles and hacking my lungs up. Sorry fellow travelers. After a long day of travel on Monday, I made it to NYC, but I'm gonna save that for the next post.

A California State of Mind

I leave today on my epic adventure to Cali and NY. I stayed up until almost two last night and had intended to sleep as late as possible this morning to try and get a jump on the time difference, but the dogs were having none of that. By seven, they were dancing on my head.

I had originally planned/hoped to just take my backpack, but that has proved almost impossible. I can get everything in there, but at the cost of taking everything I normally would. So, in the interest of having warm clothes for New York, I'm packing another duffel.

The dogs are going to stay with Kris. I know she will take good care of them and with the four dogs she already has, it should be quite the party. I was going to put them in the kennel for the week, but she practically insisted, so I will give the money I would have used for the kennel to her kids. My girls will be much happier there.

No word from R. I guess she is grieving over her turtle. Ha!

I went across the street a couple of nights ago and knocked on my neighbor's door. I met them once when I first moved into the house, but haven't talked to them since. They answered the door with a flourish, each one of them cradling a Boston terrier. Not to throw labels,but they are obviously gay. I apologized for being a terrible neighbor, told them that I had forgotten their names, and re-introduced myself. I gave them my name and number and my landlord's information and asked them if they would mind keeping an eye on the place. The more flamboyant one of the two practically dropped the dog he was holding in his excitement, giving me his name and flamboyantly taking the piece of paper with my information out of my hand. He said he would be happy to watch the house and said he was going to put my number in his phone RIGHT NOW! I said thanks and turned to leave and he said "oh, oh, oh! I will call your number NOW so you will have my number too." LOL. Unfortunately, in the sixty seconds it took to wrap that conversation up, I had already forgotten his name. The contact information in my phone merely says "neighbor." Oh yeah, they both made a point of telling me that as soon as it got warm, we would get together for dinner or something. Well, to paraphrase Woody Allen, an open mind increases my chances for a date on Saturday night.