More Tickets?

I was given tickets to the Jeff Fisher Charity Softball game this weekend. Unfortunately, I volunteered to take call for a buddy on the day of the game. I have been unable to find any takers for them, so I'm afraid they will go to waste.

Under better circumstances, I know that the ex-girlfriend would love to have them. She was a fanatic for that kind of stuff, but after the way I was treated, no way in hell would I do something nice for her. Those days are over.

Sadly, this kind of thing is very bad for my psyche. I am with Kitten now and she is everything I could ask for and everything the ex was not, but for some reason I obsess over how bad I was treated. I have reached a point where, normally, I don't give her a thought, but every time I get news about her or have reason to think about her, my brain goes into overdrive. Last week it was somebody telling me that she was getting fat. It was funny at first, but I couldn't stop thinking about every conversation we had about her weight. This week, it's the tickets. I love doing things for people. I come across as a tad curmudgeonly, but making people happy does make me happy. However, I've found that if you do things for people and they don't appreciate it, it just means they are taking advantage of you.

Bless Kitten's heart. She listens to me. She really listens. It isn't about her all of the time. I know she will get tired of me bitching about how I was done wrong. The saddest part of the whole deal is that the ex could have had the friend in me that she says she wanted if she had remotely tried to ease my pain. Instead, she did everything she could to make me feel like I was going out of my way to please her without any appreciation from her at all. It's an old and tired subject, I know. It's gotten so bad that at night, instead of dreaming about Kitten and how lucky I am to have her, I dream about the ex. Not those kind of dreams! I dream about things she did to hurt me and even worse, in my dreams she finds new ways to hurt me. I know this will all fade eventually, but it's taking forever. In six weeks it will be a year since she dumped me for somebody else. Intellectually, I know that I'm so much better off. The only thing that really attracted me to her was the fact that I thought she loved me. Now that I know it wasn't true, I can't think of a single reason why I was with her. So, emotionally I continue to struggle with how I got suckered into that relationship and why I allowed her to hurt me so bad.

I'm so lucky to have Kitten.