India

A co-worker invited me to a party tonight. She lived in California for a length of time and to me is the the stereotypical Californian. It was an eclectic party to say the least, with yogis, musicians, and an Indian cooking the food. I pushed my boundaries a bit and tried some edibles that I wouldn't normally think of eating. It was good, but nothing I'd crave. Memorable personalities? 5 second Bob (not his real name). He'd start telling you a story or showing you something on his cell phone and suddenly he would go "wait a second" and then he'd wonder off to start a conversation with somebody else. Thirty minutes later he would show back up and start a brand new conversation. I finally turned to the girl next to me (a yoga instructor) and said "Is he a little distracted?" She agreed. I had a good time, but when the drums and gourds and sitars came out, I excused myself and went home. It was good to meet different people, but it makes me think that I'm not ready for some things.

Dexter

Best season of Dexter ever! The Trinity Killer storyline just keeps getting better and better. Watch it!

Another Weekend

I don't know why this week seemed to stretch out forever. Work was either hit or miss. One day we would be slow and it would take an eternity to put in my ten hours, the next day we would be slammed and I would barely have time to take a breath or micturate. To make things worse, my lower back has been killing me. I knew it was from wearing the heavy lead all day and I finally broke down and went to see a chiropractor. I never put much stock in chiropractors, but I knew that if I went to a doctor, he would either do nothing or give me drugs.
So, it turns out that I have something called spondylolisthesis. One of my lower vertebrae has slipped forward a bit. The chiro said it was probably from when I was younger and in gymnastics. It's very mild and I would probably never notice it except when I've been wearing heavy lead all day. The posterior portion of the bones rub against one another and become inflammed. Then the pain radiates to my buttocks and upper thigh on the right. So, he's working my back, trying to get it in better alignment and I'm trying to exercise my core muscles and I'm icing my back every day when I get home from work. Things are a little better, but if I can't get major improvement, eventually I will have to change jobs I think.
I don't really have anything to do this weekend. I'm going to the gym today, then I guess I will clean and watch UT get slaughtered by Alabama. The Preds play in Chicago tonight, but for some reason, it isn't on TV. Hopefully I can stay busy.

Missed Opportunity

It's suddenly turned cold here. Cold for me at least. After a week of rain and mid sixties temps, it became overcast and mid forties. I wanted to get out of the house and asked Kris if she wanted to go see the Nashville Rollergirls. Nothing like taking a date to roller derby! We decided to go to dinner first, so we stopped off at The Yellow Porch. Always good, the gnocchi melted in my mouth! After dinner, we went over to the fair grounds for roller derby. The Nashville Rollergirls!
We had to park a bazillion miles away. I thought it was because there was a dog show at the fair grounds the same night (as evidenced by the van with "Chinese Crested Club of Nashville painted on the side). So we trudged up the hill in the cold and went inside. A huge crowd was cheering and from what we could see it looked like a blast. I went over to the ticket window only to see "SOLD OUT". Denied! Kris tried to talk our way inside, but no luck. I don't know about her, but I was extremely disappointed.

On to plan B. Kris came up with the idea of going to a haunted house. We picked the "Slaughter House."
Haunted houses usually don't do much for me, but let me tell you, there is one dark room there that you walk into and a strobe light flashes once. You see Jason standing in one corner of the room and think "ok, there he is, I know where the noise and scare is going to come from." The lights immediately go back out and you keep moving into the room, then the light flashes again. The sonuvabitch isn't in the corner any more! The light goes back out and you know you are in the room with this guy, but you don't know where he is! That really made my heart beat two or three times faster!

I took her home and met all of her dogs and kids. She is a lot of fun, I just wish I was in a better place to date. She seems to have a lot of patience and doesn't mind when I seem to me lost in thought, so we are planning on going out Halloween night. She is definitely a welcome distraction.

All Over Again

I looked up from the patient I was seeing in the ER and unexpectedly, there she was. She waved and said "Hi". I replied "hey". And my heart broke all over again.

Why Do I Do This To Myself

So here I am. 12:18 in the morning and once again I can't sleep. My mind won't shut down. I've tried reading until I'm sleepy, but the minute the lights go out, I think of all the things I should have done, the things I want to do. I have a fantasy of confronting her, telling her that there is a reason that people in her life pray for bad things to happen to her. When she was with me, she would go through these periods when she would be upset or cry because she thought people were spending time wishing her ill. I think I'm beginning to understand why she struggled with those thoughts. If I had done the things she has done, I would have a guilty conscience too. The lying, the cheating, the hypocrisy. Not just me. It has been a repeating pattern in her life which is quite a paradox. She constantly worries that people don't like her and yet she constantly does things that hurt the people that care about her the most. I'd like to say that she needs serious help, but in her reality, she is the victim. Nothing is her fault.

I had a serious breakdown in will power a couple of days ago. I had gone almost a month without really talking to her. Our interaction was very sparse and consisted of the bare minimum contact needed to tie up some loose ends. I had a moment when I was thinking about her and the emotion was neither the rage nor the sadness that I had been experiencing for the last couple of months. So, like a fool, I texted her and told her. It's my fault, I tried to keep it light and in doing so, I half jokingly invited her over. She responded by telling me that "she was with someone now and I should respect it. How would I have felt if she had been propositioned by exes when she was with me."

I half heartedly pointed out that very thing had occurred on several occasions that I knew about, and probably more that I didn't. What I was thinking was "gee, didn't the person you are with now, proposition you while you were with me and you went away to Vegas with them anyway?" Where was my respect? Didn't she have a "friend" tell her that they wanted to fuck her and she kept being their friend? Where was my respect then? Didn't she have me shake hands with a man at a football game only to have me find out later that she was trading pictures and explicit emails with him? Where was my respect when that was happening?

No where. I never got any respect. She never valued our relationship. I see now that I was a stepping stone. Somebody to play with until something bigger and better in her eyes came along.

At this point, probably what bothers me the most, is this new friend is getting everything that I never got. Respect. Devotion. Trust. I got a facade. A smoke screen. I got accusations and games. While she was snooping through my computer and making up reasons to pick fights and accuse me of cheating, she was being flattered by "friends" wanting to sleep with her and planning trysts with her. I'm willing to bet she sees nothing wrong with this.

I blame myself for this sleepless night. I should have enjoyed my nice thought of her and let it go. I should have let a sleeping dog lie.

*Edit* It's six a.m. and as I tossed and turned last night, getting zero sleep, I tried to figure out why everything bothers me so much. I have to face an ugly truth. If I'm going to be honest with myself, I have to face the fact that if she asked me today, I'd take her back.

No Hangover?

Wow. I'd say I drank a gallon of beer yesterday! I went over to Oktoberfest in Germantown. First of all, it's great being five minutes from downtown. You spend more time looking for a parking place than you do driving to the event. Germantown is right at the edge of downtown on the north side. I could see the Nashville skyline the entire time I was quaffing huge amounts of barley pops. How huge? A liter at a time huge. Actually I started off with a regular sized 12 oz. to wash down my brat and German potato salad, but the lines were so long I switched to the liter stein just to gut down wait time. The Long Players were on stage doing the Stones classic album "Sticky Fingers", it was overcast and sixty degrees, I was full of beer and surrounded by new friends. A good afternoon.

In the evening, I had tickets to the Preds game. It was a hard fought match with the Sabres getting the first goal of the game with only three minutes left. Pekka turned away forty of forty-one shots in a losing effort. Still, with a couple more beers in my gullet, I enjoyed every minute of it.

It seems my sports world has been turned upside down. The Cardinals got swept in the divisional playoffs, the Preds lose their first game of the season and yet, somehow, the Vols put together a 45-19 win over Georgia. Impressive.

Also impressive? No hangover today. Just a serious case of beer breath! The dogs don't seem to mind.

Pretty Good Weekend

Saturday, after my friend and her boyfriend had finished getting their gear moved into their new condo, they called and asked if I wanted to grab some dinner and a beer. Since the Calypso Cafe closed early for some reason, we went into The Red Door Saloon.About half way through my first Guinness (on tap, thankyouverymuch), we strike up a conversation with one of the regulars. Turns out he lives in the same condos that my friends, S and B, have their place. He goes on and on, telling us about the bar until finally he asks us if we know about the Red Door's secret. Of course we don't. He offers to show us. We were pretty hesitant at first, you kinda have to assume a position that brings to mind prison rape to learn the secret, but once seen, it's pretty frickin' neat!

After I left S and B, I went home and watched the Preds beat the Stars in a shootout! Great first game. Fantastic way to start the season.
Sunday was spent watching the Titans lose again! Pathetic. I think I'm giving up on them for the season. I don't see them beating either the Colts or the Patriots in the next two games, so that puts them at 0-6 to begin the season. Definitely time to focus on hockey.

Already?

How is it the weekend already? On one hand it kinda snuck up on me, on the other hand I can feel those four days in a row that I worked in my back.

I'm a little disappointed, there was some small talk about me going to Vegas to hang out with Cindy, but damn last minute airfare is a joke. I would have felt like I was imposing anyway.

Had a date this past week, Kris is her name. Somebody asked me what she was like, I said BBB. Big, blond, and boisterous! She is taller than me and her heritage is Scandinavian, so she is retina burning blond. She is loud and spontaneous which means we spend our time trying to talk over each other or out crazy each other. It's a hoot AND a holler! We are on the same page, I think, with what we are looking for right now, which makes it easy.

We went to see Zombieland last night.I thought it was great! Especially when Tallahassee(Woody Harrelson) calls his travel companion, Columbus, a "peppy little spit fuck." Not really a horror flick, but not strictly a comedy either. It's got something for the whole family! Go see it! Now! You peppy little spit fucks!

Today, I'm waiting for a phone call from a girl I used to work with at my old job. Her and her boyfriend are moving around the corner from me! I told them I'd help if they needed it, but I think they have a moving company take care of most of it. I'm going over for the free beer! It will be nice to have somebody close to go have a post work beer with.

Finally, hockey season opened this week. The Preds play their first game tonight against Dallas. The first home game I'm going to see is next Saturday and I can't wait! I ordered a new jersey, but it hasn't come in yet. Soon I hope.